Andrew J. Lederer

(you see? it's you, not me.)


i have no problem with calling things as i see them but i suspect i may have created a mistaken impression, which is that eugene mirman has it in for me.

truth is, i don't think he gives a fuck about me one way or the other. i just think that whatever minuscule percentage of thought he may be forced by circumstance into giving me is negative.

and i think (no, i know) that that's bogus.

it comes from the adversarial relationship we were placed in when we both were doing shows the same night of the week at rififi combined with the fact that i'm not in his hip circle of friends and so must not be worthy. (a simplification, perhaps, but not far, i suspect, from being the truth.)

when i wrote that i thought he might have talked me down to robin ince, i wasn't implying a vendetta, rather something circumstantial -- for instance, my name coming up, as in, "i'm supposed to get andrew lederer a ticket," and eugene responding, "[place shallow, negative assessment borne of ignorance here]."

now, robin actually has some reason to be wary of me, 'cause i've been discomfittingly insecure in his presence.

and i apparently ruffled the feathers of some true believers when i did his "book club" and questioned the validity of natalie haynes' enthusiasm for "diagnosis: murder." (i know it seems stupid, but i got a lot of flak for that, though not, i should point out, from robin.)

so, if eugene reflexively dismissed me in conversation, it might have tipped the ince interior scales in favor of "i better steer clear of this lederer guy," which has the same practical effect as conspiracy, though it is, in fact, an accident.

but what bugs me about it is the fact that robin had, maybe even earlier that same day, sent me a note saying he'd get back to me and then he didn't.

if i had gotten a short, brush-off message, i don't think i would have felt so dissed. (i wouldn't be happy, but i would have felt that interpersonal protocols had been obeyed.)

thing is, i actually gave robin another chance (important only to me -- he didn't ask for a "chance"), by going to see him at eugene's show on sunday.

i had genuinely wanted to see robin perform for americans and was rooting for him as an edinburgh brother. (i had wanted to see him in tribeca more than i'd wanted to see gervais.) i thought, maybe, no matter what the circumstances were, when i said hello, he'd be glad to see me, greet me warmly, and that would be that.

but it didn't happen.

instead, he looked uncomfortable, which, of course, doesn't conclusively establish anything.

but, i mean, he should've seen through whatever the bullshit was that might've caused his discomfort.

for god's sake, i was wearing the hat.