Andrew J. Lederer

i've long wanted to purchase its wares, but i've been too insecure even to go in, 'cause i know they'll know i'm just a looky-loo who's not going to buy anything.

i particularly wished i could afford something there in recent weeks as i've searched for the hat that would save me from scalp cancer and aesthetic disrepute.

well, yesterday, i was walking toward jimmy's no. 43 to do a set and as i passed the store, a girl who worked there -- maybe even owned it -- was outside and when she saw me in my grandpa's hat, she said "nice hat."

maybe she even said, "cool hat."

whatever . . .

i told her it was my grandpa's hat and she expressed her pleasure at its vintage.

i explained what i thought was wrong with "retro" hats made today and she agreed.

i think she was even kinda flirting with me.

. . . wow.

that really is the hat

but my allure when wearing it is illegitimate. without it, i would simply be a dismissable slob of the sort who gets willfully ignored by perfectly normal people in the street.

damn that hat.

why can't i possess the magic that's in the hat.