Andrew J. Lederer

the kind where some ungrateful asshole who thinks he didn't get his nothing's worth (it's a free show) will rush off to write some bitchy comments on edfringe.com.

my shows have been going well but circumstances today led me to ignore the theme of "every day i write the book" in favor of "freestyle"-style general goofiness. the show would have gone better had i not tried to return to the theme midway, but i'd have been doing myself no good if i was simply facile and clever to no larger purpose.

which begs the question, "what, at the free festival/fringe do we owe the audience?"

i believe we owe them an attempt, not a result.

i mean, i'm trying to do something great and i believe i owe myself and the potential audience out there (somewhere) a constant attempt to do the better thing; the different thing.

and i owe the non-paying ('cept for contributions) free festival audience a valiant attempt to hit that mark

but i don't owe them a satisfying experience at the expense of my creative intent.

i'm convinced i could've held this crowd by staying the course, but i didn't and my show, ultimately, is a better one because of it.

but not today, as far as the audience was concerned.

it's funny/tragic that in a situation like this, which feels like betrayal to an audience, the crowd doesn't even remember that they used to like you, yet, without remembering, they still hate you more than they would have otherwise because you've snatched from them something they almost got and that you demonstrated you could give them.

i'll bet there was a reviewer in; it's the nature of my luck here that an anomalous performance will be reviewed. in truth, since i made my show a ticketed (free) show, the press should contact me before coming in, but i wouldn't count on that happening.

we of the free fringes, apparently, are not entitled to the privilege afforded acts at real venues; we don't necessarily know the specific days on which we should do our "review" shows (i know i wrote about this last year, but who's gonna dig through the blog for that?) the editors of the various papers will shout, "journalistic integrity!" and assert a surprise review more truly assesses the the reader's potential audience experience but the fact remains that this is not a level playing field as the underbelly's, balloon's, assembly's and everybody else's acts are not subject to this same rigorous "standard".

btw, i have no reason to presume a reviewer was there; i just understand the nature of my fate.

i've tried not to fall prey this year to this kind of moping, but, you know, it's hard.

speaking of which, maybe it says something about me that whenever i see the name of josie long's show, "trying is good", somewhere, i read it as, "trying is hard".

and it is.