Andrew J. Lederer

came back to the mark watson 24-hour show tuesday afternoon to find there was no room for me in the tent and was galled because two girls were sold tickets, right in front of me, and ushered in, while i had already bought a ticket and was clearly waiting to reenter.

it seemed to me, as an existing ticket-holder, i should have been accommodated first, especially since i felt somewhat self-righteous about having even bought a ticket.

in my humble opinion, i am a man of such supreme eminence that i should have been a guest of the show. but in a spirit of magnanimity, i didn't try to finesse my way in. i had the money and was under the (hopefully correct) impression that the money was going to charity, so i swallowed my ego and punted normally.

therefore, my growing anger, as i sat outside the tent, was coming from two separate perspectives -- i felt both mistreated as a punter and ignored as an entertainment great.

so, when i heard steven k. amos being welcomed warmly by the crowd that i was not a part of, from an audience perspective, i felt i was missing something i should have seen and from a performer's perspective, i was pissed they weren't recognizing that i ought be showered with garlands; that i was clearly at least the equal of steven k. amos.

with the resourcefulness that is my hallmark, i checked to see if the tent's other door would open -- and it did. so, i entered, stage left, and had only to climb clumsily over a fully set-up drum kit to get to an empty seat from which i could bask in my triumph.

now, last year i distinguished myself in a greek tragedy competition during mark's 36-hour show, so i was looking for an opportunity to show off in front of his audience once more, and when i entered, they were looking for someone to sing "ebony and ivory", a task for which i would be perfectly suited.

but i was afraid to take the stage, fearful that i would be spotted as an interloper by the person who refused me entry and humiliated in front of everyone, suffering defeat just when triumph was almost in my grasp.

so, i sat, silently, stewing as others were showered with attention and enthusiasm that should have been mine.

shortly thereafter, the crowd moved en masse to waterstone's, where mark would be reading from his new novel.

when i got there, he was choosing people to read with him, but my hand was ignored, though an unworthy "normal" right next to me was given the honor.

with proud petulance, i left the store just in time to avoid hearing a word of the reading. if i was not allowed to participate, i would not allow the ideas expressed in the book into my consciousness.

instead, i returned to mark's c soco tent, where i was told my earlier,unauthorized entry had forced an important member of the production team to leave in order to observe the fire codes. my self-righteousness and sense of triumph turned to guilt (and i only made it worse by trying to explain myself).

the rest of the show was not fun for me, not just because of the guilt, but because i was still pissed off that i wasn't recognized as the equal of, say, arthur smith, though i did enjoy myself for a spell when favored guest (and lederer equal) andy zaltzman said my name a number of times in those distinctive zaltzmanian tones.

no too much later, however, i realized i would never be the focus of the show, so i left (thinking to myself that this whole thing was now too cultish anyway).

fast forward to last night, the night of the big pleasance mid-fest party. it was already late when it got going and i wanted to get a full night's sleep, so i could get up early and do some work on the script for my 14:10 show, but the festival-goer in me didn't want to miss anything, so i decided to briefly breeze through the pleasance, just to get the feel of the thing, and then go home.

however, i was refused entry to brooke's bar (which i had left just over an hour earlier), told politely that, for the night, it would be available to pleasance pass-holders only.

i didn't fight, as i was going to leave immediately anyway, but i knew damn well there were people in there who didn't have a pleasance affiliation of any kind, but were considered important enough to receive deference.

how dare they not recognize that i, a veritable andy zaltzman or steven k. amos in my own right, was due the same respect as the other luminous denizens of the fest.

these rules do not apply to me, i thought to myself, and i'm still angry that a snapshot of fringe '07 -- the artist-studded brooke's bar in party mode -- was denied me and will forever leave an empty space in my brain.

maybe i will protest by not returning to brooke's bar for the rest of the festival. then they will not be able to claim me for their promotional benefit, should they, for some reason, suddenly recognize my value.

do you think i can boycott the bar at night but still go there in the daytime to use the free wi-fi?

will that undercut the otherwise massive impact of my protest?