Andrew J. Lederer

I am once again reporting from deep within the bowels of the Tea Lounge in Park Slope. (Comedian Eugene Mirman is working with an not-too-slender, balding, gray-haired guy at a table not far from me.)

Two mothers with babies were near me a short while ago. Actually, they may have been the third mother/baby shift in that couch position since my arrival.

Verbatim (or very close) quotes:

Mother #1:
"I've lived here for ten years and I never realized it would be good for children."
(Those of you who know Park Slope understand why this is the height of obliviousness.)

Mother #2:
"I haven't eaten red meat in 15 years, so if I ate it, I would get sick."
(Of course! What could be more unnatural to a human body than red meat? It's one of those things you have to train yourself to tolerate, like tobacco smoke. Once your body returns to normal, it will be incapable of processing this deadly, alien matter.)