Andrew J. Lederer

Dogs are not really our best friends because they can't talk to us. For that, we are forced to seek people.

Or maybe dogs are man's best friends because they can't talk.

I mean if they did, what would they say to us? Would it be as confounding and unsettling as what people say?

Maybe they would say, "I'd really like to kill and eat a meaty animal." Would you want a friend who said something like that?

Or maybe, "Why don't you lick my balls for a while?" A little familiar, don't you think? (Under most circumstances.)

So, we're stuck with people.

Who are really not good friends at all.

(Maybe it would be better if they barked.)