12/05/07
The father hen will call his chickens home -
Categories: How long has it been? What year is this! Ok the second line should have been read emerging from a Delorian with dry ice smoke billowing around, but you get the picture.
I've been so busy, and so tired, it's difficult to remember all that happened since I last wrote in this, needless to say I've been really busy. The end of the Year at uni came with a whimper and in spite of the DVD that I ordered to help me write one of my essays turning up on the morning that it was due in I'm quite positive about how I've done, aptly enough it was the Film 24 Hour Party People, and that I managed to do a 4,000 word essay on Tony Wilson without once using the word "Twat" is a testament to my presence of mind.
As March was so full of gigs, and with Uni work to finish I've unfortunately forgotten to book any gigs for June and July, so if any promoters are reading this and needing my services then please get in touch.
As it happens the last gig I did was in Huddersfield for Lou Saffire, it was the first gig I'd done for him since he left the Lazer Quest gig that he used to have. That was a fantastic gig, full of teenagers and lesbians, and teenage lesbians, all into their sci-fi and rock music essentially it was a gig with my ideal audience, I could have farted into a microphone and they'd have loved it, that was actually about the only thing I didn't do there. I once gigged there and took a load of magic mushrooms and then got Dug stripped to the waist wearing an executioners cowel to deliver justice to a bunch of video tapes with a hammer, the movies were Barb Wire, Robocop 3 and worst of all Highlander Endgame (as the audience chanted at me "Highlander: there should have been only one!")
The last time I gigged there was four days before I quit drinking, and a week after I'd met Sarah, back stage at the gig, Lou rallied the troops "Look guys, this venue have taken the piss, they've never allowed me to charge on the door, they've never allowed me to pay you guys and tonight's the last gig here, the only thing I've ever been able to do for you is offer you free drinks, so what I'd like you to do is, as far as possible, bankrupt the place!" I sat up in my floor length red and black fake fur coat and snapped the compact mirror closed as I finished doing my lipstick, checking the 1920's bob hair cut I'd got looked perfect and said "I'll take that challenge!" In between eating the face off my shiny new girlfriend I managed to get through about 16 bottles of Bud before I was due on stage, Lou had put me on just before he headlined, and in an attempt to make this plan work he'd booked 12 acts for the night.
By the time I staggered to the stage any semblance of cool or sophistication had gone, I was some pissed up tart with lipstick all over her face slurring her words into the microphone, barely able to talk, then suddenly out of nowhere I did a new bit and snapped into sobriety for the 3 minutes it took me to tell the story and then boom I was gone again.
The only other thing I remember about that gig was that there was a former grange hill actor naked on stage covering his boys rudeness with a guitar.
the next morning I woke up with my bag full of sweets and a monster hang over.
4 days later, December 6th 2005 I stopped drinking, for good reason as you can see.
Anyway I did Lou's gig which was in a trendy town centre bar with a slightly different clientelle, and what was special about this was that it was the first comedy Road Trip I'd had with Dug for ages. in my first year I did something stupid like 240 gigs, and Dug came with me to every one, it was only after that that he started doing comedy and we've rarely been on the same bill. He'd not seen me for ages and I've been watching him do stand-up whenever I can, he's fantastic, and seriously has the most natural ability of anyone I've ever seen.
So getting into the car and putting on an Iron Maiden CD we looked at each other and said "It's been too long."
The journey was easy enough andwe got there and the room looked a little bit dead but there were enough to make it fun, Dug was on first and I was following as Main Support.
They were a cold room they didn't really warm to Lou but he did a great job and then brought Dug on. Dug's 38th gig. he got to the stage with his usual aplomb and then... nothing. 38 gigs and the first time he's died, for some reason his natural charisma deserted him. He gained a lot from it though and it was very useful for him and I don't think he's had a death since then.
Then I had to follow, and I think that over the last few months with all the ups and downs that I've had I've learned so much, I don't think that a year ago I'd have been able to handle the room there quite as well as I did, it was by no means easy and I didn't set the world on fire but it was a good gig none the less.
This made it even worse, I'd have traded places with Dug with very little prompting, I kind of forsaw that one of us would have a bad one that night, and I'd have rathered it was me. We chatted about it for hours and in the end I think we got exactly why it was needed and I think that it helped him loads.
that was over a wek ago now and I've had nothing since then.
Last week however I drove with Toby Hadoke and Jason Cook up to Inverness.
Inverness!!! that's a 6 and a half hour drive from here! It's not "south of Glasgow" like I thought, it's across three continents. Still it was lovely to get up there and the road trip with two of the people I respect most in comedy, Toby who gave me my first gig in a real comedy venue with an audience, and Jason who saw some potential in what I was doing and took me under his wing and taught me all I needed to know to get onto the right track so it was fun.
When we got there I realised how unfit I am, after walking about half a mile up a slight incline I got a thumping headache and couldn't catch my breath. I need a personal trainer. Then a Jaguar came tearing round the corner with the window wound down and in a strong Norn Iron co. Down Accent i heard a guy scream "this town's fucking shite!" and it felt like I was at home. I told Sarah this immediately.
The gig was lovely and the room was great but the 7 hour drive home the next day was very tiring. 80 miles in two days, I spent all of sunday unable to communicate with people, seriously I got showered, got dressed and ready and headed over to my friend Katie's for a barbeque, I drove for an hour to get there and walked up to the house, saw the party going on through the window. got to the front door and knocked. There was no answer. I knocked again. No answer. I went to knock again and thought "never mind" and turned round and walked away.
I headed over to Solomon Grundy's in Withington where another friend was having her birthday do and walked in and saw how busy the place was and left straight away, walked back to my car and drove the hour home. I was in bed by 10:30.
I thought that the next day would be better, It wasn't, I spent most of the day on and off crying for no real reason. I later found out Jason was exactly the same which made me feel better.
By Tuesday Iwas back on top and headed down to XS, which was good, Jason was on top form his Edinburgh show is one of the funniest hours I've spent in a long time. And Josh Howie was good too, though finding out fairly soon into his set that I need to entirely drop my opening joke soured it slightly. Allwas going well I was going to hang out with Dug when he finished work and we'd just talk shit until sunrise.
Then as we were leaving the club I got a text telling me that my parents needed me home that night, My Gram was ill, she'd had surgery and it didn't look good.
as soon as was appropriate I went home. My gram, who I love dearly was very very ill and to be honest at the moment it doesn't look too good for her. But I visited yesterday and the nurses told me she was comfortable and that they'd make sure they did their best to look after her. My sister and I cried and my Brother told us to stop it, he's always been the sensitive type.
I did however make a bit of a blunder earlier in the week, i couldn't get hold of Sarah to let her know what was happening so I got on MSN to our friend Kirsten and said "If you see Sarah will you tell her my Grandma's stable but my phone battery's died." and hit send, then as an after thought sent "whatever you do don't mix the two up."
Also my cat, Marcus, who is a big black ball of fluff and the most lovely docile loving cat in the world has dissapeared. My sister was looking after him and he went out on Monday and hasn't returned. I miss him. I had him since he was a kitten small enough to fit into the palm of my hand and he's the most gentle creature ever. So if anyone's in the Preston Area and you've seen a big black cat, about the size of a small horse with a flat nose and green eyes, then please get in contact with me, there's a reward.
I feel like I've written myself into a corner here, and I don't really know how to get out of it, but I'll move on to last night.
Last night I ended up in Hemel Hempstead with Toby. His show; "Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf" was on there and he needed a lift. It was good to keep my mind off things and the show was the best I've ever seen it, and I've seen it about 16 times now. Toby'd finished recording the play version of it yesterday for the BBC and I'm really looking forward to hearing that too. What was lovely was that there where a bunch of people who were big Doctor Who fans who stayed behind afterwards to chat with toby, and that he'd made such a connection really stuck with me. That's why I do this, for those moments.
Nah, I seem unable to pick up the ending of this blog, so I'll just leave it and step away and hopefully come back in a few days with some better news.
Oh before I leave I found out that one of the lovely women who's buying my parents house reads this blog, So I'm now terrified about what to write.
Until next time I love you all.
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