It's 00:20 Friday night/Saturday Morning. I should be out dancing like a twat, perving over all the young and sexy things out in one of the myriad clubs within a 4 mile radius of my current location.

I'm not, I'm sat in Chorlton in Manchester at my Friend Rosie's, which is the only place I seem to be able to guarantee internet access at the moment. As of Wednesday though I think it's going to become even more difficult as I head up to Edinburgh, though on Tuesday I'll post a blog with my Edinburgh intentions and rules.

It's this week I want to talk to you about. After I posted the last blog I started to realise I wasn't feeling very well, an hour later I was unable to move from the couch, I thought I had food poisoning, but I don't know what it actually was, it felt like Food poisoning mixed with the 'flu, by mid afternoon I was delirious. The first time I'd had a house to myself in bohemian Chorlton, home of the Manchester lesbians, and I'm stuck, lying on a couch feeling ill.

The week picked up after that as I was feeling a bit better the next day and managed to buy myself the new Harry Potter book. Ok the rest of the weekend was a write-off after that, though the book was great, like Anne Frank's diary, if she'd had an over active imagination.

From Monday I've not really been out of the car for more than a few hours at a time, Monday was my gig at Vanilla. I love this gig so much, for the audience and the friends I've made because of it as much as for the serious amount of fun it is to organise and play there every month. Oddly enough about half of my compereing this month came from me doing versions of the stuff I've written on here (though made a hell of a lot funnier, well some of it was) and though the night overran it was loads of fun.

I really think that this gig's been good for me, for the first time in my life I've got a group of lesbian friends who I can hang out with and who have nothing to do with comedy. I think that that's healthy. The other thing that's good for me is that I'm aware that I'm still not very good at bantering, so as a result I've had to write at least 20 minutes of new stuff every month. Most of it's shite and doesn't work very well, but there's always at least a minute or two of stuff that can be used in my main set.

Another reason I love my gig was because of something that happened after the gig finished. The line up for the night was Jason Cook opening, Rachel Fairburn and Debbie Lee doing short spots (Rachel is excellent, anyone reading thhis who's up in Edinburgh for the festival should go and check her out when she's in the So You Think You're Funny? Semi Finals, and hopefully finals.) Jo Dakin providing main support and Jonathan Mayor headlining.

I am fully aware I overbooked the gig. I'm also aware that as a result of the smoking ban I wasn't aware of how long the breaks needed to be. The night went on for ages. But everyone had fun. Jason Ripped it, Rachel did well, Jo ripped it and Jonathan was every bit the headliner, though half way through his set some fag-hag hanging around with her pretty boy hairdresser friends wandered in and realised that in a lesbian bar she wasn't getting the attention she thought she deserved and made a tool of herself by heckling him.

Now Jonathan dealt with her, and carried on his gig. But it's what happened after the gig that made it special. A number of audience members approached her and her friends and made it perfectly clear that they weren't welcome and that trying to ruin their comedy night isn't on. And the group left after one drink.

Tuesday started, as it does with me waking up smiling. after a quick cup of tea I headed off over to Jonathan Mayor's house, I was driving him to Llangollen in Wales for a gig at the Llangollen fringe "Fringe with a Tinge" which was the culmination of a documentary series he's been doing for ITV.com which you can see here. anyway as I got in the car I realised I'd left my Sat Nav at Vanilla the previous night, this was going to be an arse as I was not only off to Llangollen today, but North London tomorrow, anyway too late to do anything about it now.

So as you can imagine we get horribly lost but the north wales country side was lovely. eventually I decided to head back to Wrecsam and ask there if anyone can tell us how to get to Llangollen and there was a lovely woman in the co-op who helped us and right then, as we were by this point two hours late to meet up with the film crew I could have kissed her and proposed marriage.

most of the day from then on for me was spent waiting around for the crew to finish filming and for the gig to start. It was a fun gig, even though I wasn't performing I had lots of fun, I've not seen Zoe Lyons since last August in Edinburgh and she was brilliant, Barbara Nice was great as usual. After the show Jonathan and I went to the local wine bar with the festival directors and a couple of audience members and the film crew and it was great fun. The people of the town were really welcoming and friendly. Eventually driving home at 3 in the morning I was tired and hungry but had a feeling of satisfaction at another day of maing sure that I was just living and having fun as much as possible.

Wednesday started with my alarm going off at 9:30. Tired I managed to get out of bed and make a cup of tea and have a shower, I've go a new haircut that takes some doing first thing. It kind of makes me look like a Manga character, it's all spikes and punkiness with really short bits in places, it's difficult to describe, it's crazy lesbian hair really, but trying to get it done without a hairdryer was a bit of a nightmare. I headed off into town a little while afte that, as I'd left my sat nav at Vanilla I got Alex, one of the assistant managers to get it for me and we met up for a coffee and a chat, it was great fun we then spent part of the afternoon making in the bear factory, or bear workshop, I don't know what it's called, but it's in the arndale, making a teddy bear for her girlfriend's birthday, we then dressed it like a lesbian, becuase we found that amusing. We also spent a while stood round just outside the arndale because there was a group of cheerleaders there doing some kind of performance. To be honest I think they were excited about performing and looking forward to hot guys staring at them, I think they were less impressed byt eh two predatory lesbians who seemed to be giving them even more attention than anyone else.

I eventually headed back to my car and drove off down to London to do the Hellfire club in Mornington Crescent. It's a lovely gig and the set up made it look slightly gothy, with a touch of Victoriana and with the union flag tied to the mic stand it had a hint of Aerosmith to the proceedings.

after downing a half pint of water with a couple of berrocca in it I was called up on stage and did a short spot with some new stuff that I wrote for monday for Vanilla along with some other slightly older stuff and I managed to break away from material to start trying to banter with the audience, I've been trying this more and more with limited success so far but I think I'm starting to make some headway with it and it was a lot easier tonight than on previous occasions. I leave the stage to rapturous applause and I really felt good about the gig, there were ways I could have done better, I tripped over a couple of words and got the timing wrong on a few things but overall it was a brilliant gig.

The downside to the gig was that the person I was supposed to be staying with wasn't on the bill and I couldn't get hold of her so as the gig drew to a close I realised I'd have a long journey back up to Manchester ahead of me. I also realised that I was getting short of cash. I've finally over the last few months managed to get to a point where I don't have to do a day job anymore, but I'm still having to be really really careful with money and at this point on Wednesday night I was using the last £20 in my account to put some fuel into the car to get me home. I reckoned I'd be hitting Manchester at about 3:30 so I called some friends to see if I could stop at theirs. I couldn't go to my sister's as if I did then I'd not have enough fuel to get to Mancehster the next day for a gig. Unfortunately everyone I called was either just off to bed, had already gone to bed and so wasn't answering or had people staying over and so had no space for me.

I started driving anyway. I love playing in London, aside from last time I was there, I've always had really good gigs in London, but I hate staying there for any longer than is absolutely neccessary. 6 and a half years ago I left tehre having just suffered a nervous breakdown and was heavily medicated and destroying myself through drink and self-harm, I think I've got reason not to want to stay there longer than I have to.

By Birmingham I was nearly falling asleep at the wel adn the redbull and slaps to the face were stopping being as effective at keeping me awake as they should be, so I mad e a judgement call and decided to stop in Crewe at my unfinished flat.

At 3:30 I pulled up outside and tried to sneak in with a bag and head up to my room. My landlady had told me not to stop there until after August Bank holiday weekend, but I was desparate. as I got to the top of the stairs I saw why, there were two double matresses blocking the landing and a pin board leaned up against them making my ability to get to my room without making a sound totally impossible.

I was as quiet as I could be right into my room where I found a partially disassembled bed lying on top of my bed, so I tried to move it and stack the wooden slats up against the wall in silence. It worked, well, for the first couple of them. then it all fell apart and one wooden slat fell and hit another which hit another which then knocked over a book case. None of this was silent.

I eventually managed to climb into bed and started to drift off to sleep hoping that I wouldn't get woken in the same fashion as last time I stayed here when my landlady walked into the room and started questioning me about why I was there. At 5:30 I finally passed out.

9am I wake up wiht my landlady stood next to my bed with a pot of white paint in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, I scream "please don't paint me!" before I've even figured out that I'm awake yet. She asks me some questions and I answer them the best I can even though I'm not yet awake and apologise for sleeping there. she doesn't seem to mind that much but decides to tell me that I owe some money for the gas and electircity bill. Fortunately I've enough presence of mind not to say "thank fuck you've not seen the phone bill then!" and soon enough she leaves me alone and I manage to go back to sleep... for half an hour before she phones me to tell me that the £388 I thought was my deposit and summer rent was actually my summer rent and last term's rent, so I did have to pay the bills and I wasn't going to get a deposit back in the near future. "Oh and Sarah's in residence at the old house." This was the last thing I wanted to hear.

I'd moved out of my old house and was pissed off at the state it'd been left in by my other flatmates, I'd tried to help out with the final clear up and then I'd had to go off to Glastonbury and left them to finish off cleaning. They didn't, and so when I got back I had to spend another two days cleaning up and moving house. After the discussion I'd had with Sarah about how it'd been over a year since we split up and I still wasn't getting over her, I'd decided that it would be best if once I'd moved out we didn't contact each other, at least until I'd managed to get over her, and I know that the only way that this would happen was if I started seeing someone else and started to fall for them. shortly after this incident over the clean up I'd sent her some angry text messages, and then deleted every text she'd sent me. then I deleted every photo on my phone of her, and then every photo I've got of her, then I burned the letters she'd written me along with the valentine's card she'd sent. Essentially she'd been edited. I've edited people before, it's ususally after they fuck me over for a second time. But this was slightly different. I'd done it and started to feel good about myself, I've started to notice when people fancy me too, and I've finally got over the mental block I've had for nearly a year.

The mental block I've had is this; Sarah's new Girlfriend likes a lot of the same things that I do, rockabilly, surf guitar, psychobilly, punk, tattoos, motorbikes, Americana, B-movies, Zombies etc. and as a result of this for the last year I've hated them, I hated them with all my heart, I even got to the point where I was considering not checking for motorbikes when I pull out at a junction on the off chance I might run over her. And then in the last two weeks I've finally got my head round to liking them again.

Then suddenly I find out she's back. I drift back off to sleep but when I wake I'm plagued with thoughts of phoning her. I get up and realise there's no milk in the house so I head over the street to the shop. it's 3 in the afternoon and I've been awake for less than five minutes, I've still got most of last night's make-up on and my hair is the most spectacular mess of bed-head you've ever seen. A combination of Mohok, with an elvis quiff and a sid vicious spikey side and a shaved side, dressed all in black and wearing a 1950's bikers jacket. the kids in the shop all point and giggle at me as I wander in and get the milk, I feel I have to explain to the woman behind the counter that I work nights and have only just got up and need a brew.

I head home and have a couple of cups of tea whilst I sort my head out. I can't stop thinking about phoning her. The Mormon's call at the door asking after my flatmate. I've stopped at the flat twice and they've called twice, this time they had a baldy scary looking man with them, they seemed really really displeased and worried that I've answered the door, especially when I go to get my flatmate and give them the non-descript excuse "she can't come to the door right now, she says she's busy. She's got someone in there." I know she's been bored over the summer sitting in the flat on her own but I think that making friends with these guys is going a little too far.

I eventually get the last of the stuff that I eed for Edinburgh from my flat and head on out to manchester, I grab a shower at Dug's and head off to Trof in the Northern Quarter for the gig.

It looks like it'll be hell, it's packed with works leaving do's and just lots and lots of people who don't seem to be there for the comedy, but as the show starts they settle down and are a lovely intelligent audience. again I step to the plate and do what I did the previous night, something in my delivery's changed though I don't know what, I think that it's just become more natural, whatever it is it works and I storm the gig, that's two in a row now, as the middle section closes Kev the MC hands round a bucket for the punters to make a contribution, later I get handed £10 in loose change. It's paid, and that's the main thing.

Towards the end of Mike Newell's set the Smoking terrace is closed an the mad woman from outside who was trying to explain to me that the Queen's a reptile and that the Illuminati and the Free Masons control everything and that the CIS tower is an obelisk without the capstone, that the all seeing eye is on us and that tower is controlling our thoughts; decides that this is the best time to heckle and the evening gets weird, Mike dealt with her really well.

I head off to meet up with Bex and Lorna in Didsbury and we go for a drink, and tlak about our day. Lorna it turns out has now got some really impressive bruises from her fall off her bike, and Bex's presentation went well, we've only time for a quick drink and then it's time to say fair well as I head over ot Dug's house where I sit with him and Michael J Dolan Britain's Favourite Funnyman(tm) and Ben Schofield. the day had its ups and downs but I feel like I managed to make my way through it with the minimum of fuss. I look forward to my day off.

that day off was today which was a day filled with foreboding like I've forgotten to do something, though it started on a high when I got a text from Rosie saying she'd received an email from Oldham Pride and that I will be getting paid for my gig there. I'd decided to do it anyway, because if there's one place in this country that needs a pride parade it's Oldham.

I was talking with Tony Burgess about that the other week, he lives there and said "they treat anything short of punching someone with suspicion, I got called a poof for recycling. the other day some kid was like "you fucking poof" and I was like "what've I done?" and he was "Fucking poof you've got a cat"."

It's 2:30 now and in 12 hours the parade will be in full swing, and it's an honour to be part of the first ever Oldham Pride Parade and the performing afterwards, even if I am apprehensive about it being a bit dangerous. Oldham has a huge BNP presence, one of the largest in the country. Whatever happens I know it'll be fun and worth doing.

Anyway, time to head off to bed I think. I hope you've enjoyed reading this. If not then you could have quit at anytime and I'd be none the wiser.

until I next get to a computer

I love you all

BB xXx

2 comments • Trackback (0)

Comments:

Comment from: Trump [Visitor]

Thanks for joining us on the parade. It's a huge deal, for you and for us and we appreciate it. It's not the most welcoming place aometimes, but I think today proved that there's enough support to carry on and get a bit braver.

Thanks for the gig at the Gallery. Probably not the crowd you usually get, so nice one one getting up there. We had great feedback. Hope you'll come back and see us again. If the thought of that is too traumatic, let us track you down at one of your Manchester gigs!
Jo

Permalink 29/07/07 @ 00:41

Comment from: Bethany Black [Member]

It's cool,

I had a great time, and I'll definately be back next year. I think it's a really important event and I'm more than happy to have my name associated with it. I'll write about it later, in the mean time I need cups of tea and recuperation after the weekend I've had.

Permalink 30/07/07 @ 16:06

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