05/08/07
Shivers down your back bone... -
Categories: Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhh!!!
Worst Edinburgh Day Ever!
Ok, some of this will be me being a whinging shitbag. I make no apologies for that. Sorry. It's self indulgent I know, but so is thinking that anyone's actually interested in the minutae of my daily life.
Right, first off, yesterday was weird. and that was just the audiences! OK I'll admit as a pull back and reveal joke that isn't funny, but it's more true than anything, yesterday I met Alan, a labourer who had to do a Northern Soul dance every time Mike Wilkinson said Wigan in his show. that was odd, and I thought that was going to be the weirdest moment of the day. It wasn't, weird audience member number two wasn't that weird, just a drama student who was tired (probably from poncing around on the royal mile in character trying to hand out flyers for his show, bless!) anyway he fell asleep in the front row of Duncan's show during a quiet bit. Duncan noticed and got the audience to look at him before shouting the end of a line from his song down the microphone, waking the student from his slumbers and probably neccessitating a new pair of pants.
Weird Audience member number three was the worst of the lot for the day. After I'd walked around for hours to find my friend Charlie to borrow her phone charger I ended up at the Pleasance with Tiff and some other friends waiting for Old Rope to start, it'd been a sell out on the previous two nights and they were hoping for a third. anyway the line up was brilliant, Dan atkinson was on first anad did some brilliant old stuff followed by some new stuff, most of which worked, and then he went to explain how you can make a joke about stuff without condoning the thing that it's about and started to do the set up to a joke about gang-rape, then in the pause before the punchline a woman in the audience heckled with "I really don't think that this is a suitable topic for comedy!" and Dan dealt with it and said he wouldn't do the joke, but it somehow ended up in a heckle battle, which of course he won, and received rapturous applause from the audience, at one point saying the word "cunt" and in an attempt to latch on to anything to be offended about the friend of the girl who heckled told him that no one should use that word as it's offensive to women. Now this I don't get, I never have, although that's probably due to the fact it's mine and my sister's favourite swearword.
Anyway the mood had changed in the Baby Grand and every subsequent act had to make reference to it, oh by the way everyone except the three girls who got upset by this where on Dan's side. My favourite response to this was Hills Barker with her opeening gambit "Oh wow, this means I can't use tonight to exorcise my story about when I was gang-raped... In my cunt." Later Nick Doody did his material about how you can do jokes about serious subjects as long as it's in context and as long as there isn't a victim of the joke, I'm not explaining it well, go and see him, he'll tell you about it, but it's fantastic and was very apt for the moment. Also talking to Nick afterwards was a pleasure, nick's a great friend and the guy who this time last year helped my come up with a surname which I'd been missing since I started comedy. Anyway after helping me with that he offered his and Matt Kirshen's services with looking at my show for next year and helping me script doctor it a bit.
After this we all headed down to Spank! where Tom Stade was on, as we arrived he was taking a heckler apart, and Leon was about to throw him out when Brendon Burns walked in and started shouting at the Stage "Tom! Tom! Make sure he says mate, I want to rip him a new one!"
It seemed like the sun had brought out all the lunatics. Outside I got chatting to Tom and Nick WIlty, I've still not seen his show I really must it looks ace, then Reg turned up and I spoke briefly to him. I love this festival for that, all these people who I don't get to see that often I get to chat to on a nightly basis, and if you get as star struck with comics as I do then there's nothing like it, I finally managed to catch up with Adam Bloom yesterday and just as I was walking away from him I saw Marcus Brigstocke and Phill Jupitus go wantering past with André vincent a few feet behind them (when you can see them both at once they don't actually look that alike), as I turned round Sean lock was dissapearing into the distance.
So as the night drew to a close (the heckler had disappeared so Brendon left a message on his answering machine.) I headed home, My phone had been given to Charlie to charge over night and I'd agreed to get it off her at noon at the underbelly.
Today...
My name's Bethany Black and this is the longest day in my life... (imagine the beeps here)
Ok so I wake up at 11, have a shower and quickly do my hair and make-up and ask Chris what time it is, I'm knackered we only got in at 4:30 and we've no tea in the house so I've yet to have a cup "12!" he shouts. FUCK! so I run out of the house and catch the first site of the days weather. Pissing down. I run all the way to the underbelly, about 2 miles, takes me about 20 minutes as I'm so very unhealthy. eventually i get there and Charlie's not there, I've missed her, so I head off trying to find her but first I stop off at my venue to let Darrell Know I've got a fantastic line-up for the gig and I'll get on to promoting it straight away, today's line up is Paul Sinha, Ginger and Black, Daliso Chaponda, Tiffany Stephenson and Jason Cook.
Darrell tells me I need to email him, and I can't put the show on today. Shit. It's half an hour to show time and I've got a bunch of people coming down and a whole bunch of acts booked and no phone.
I head over to the pleasance and manage to get the phone from Chalie, the first bit of luck today! then I get all my texts from the last 48 hours, loads of them, whilst I try and get in touch with all the people I've booked, eventually after getting 4 answer machines I send texts and hope for the best, though I still don't have Ginger or Black's number, I get Black's (or Daniel Taylor if we're being accurate and a hell of a lot less racist about it) number and call him. gig's cancelled I'm still however piss wet through.
Down at the press office I try and write this blog four times, getting chucked off the computers down there unceremoniously on three occasions, this winds me up something rotten and by the third time I end up with my stutter coming back and I leave seeing the way this day's going.
it's too late to do anything, but too early to get to Mike's show so I head down to Pearshaped and manage to get on there first, I die on my hoop, never mind there's about 8 people there who seem unaware of what the hell's going on anyway. I get down to Mike's show and help set up, then three people turn up, it's already not looking the best. so as soon as we finish I head out to try and get 2 miles accross town to the Mercat for The Hellfire club. There's some sort of parade going on so taxis are thin on the ground, so again I run, I rtun and run and run, and get there out of breath just in time to go on when...
I walk into the performance space and find out they pulled the show and tried to call me. Bugger. I've now got to get across town to do Duncan's show. I set off heavy hearted beaten at every turn by the day, by the weather, and by everything I try to do turning to shit before my eyes.
I stop off on the way, after walking about a mile and a half, to treat myself to deep fried food and a can of Irn Bru. as I'm walking down to the C Venues SoCo in the urban garden I see the Marching band who thwarted my attempts to get to the Mercat earlier, tghey've in my way again and I can feel the temper rising within me both my hadns are full and I've a face like thunder when some girl steps out to flyer me and I snap.
"You utter fucking idot wanking fuck-knuckle spastic! can't you see, both my fucking hands are full! you moron, how the fuck am I supposed to take a flyer off you you mouth breathing, knuckle-scraping fuckstick!"
I think she cried.
I've let off steam but now feel horrible with myself. after doing Duncan's show I walk back to my car and then back into town, I estimate I've walked at least 12 miles today, at least 7 of them in the rain, and most of it spent with really bad stomach pains. I'm going to find some flowers I think and give them to the flyerer I screamed at. Anyway no rest for the wicked, I've got things to do, Dug's heading up into town at the moment and I'm going to try and get him a gig before his So you Think You're Funny gig tomorrow night.
By the way thank you to you all for making this blog the most read blog on Chortle yesterday.
Until tomorrow I love you all
BB xXx
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