12/08/07
She'll be dead soon, then she'll sleep. -
Categories: I think my flatmate has gone mad. It happens, over the last two days things have happened that make me doubt his judgement. But more of that in a bit, it's been three days since I got on here and posted, which shows what point in the festival we're at. The nights are getting later, as are the starts, first thing in the morning has moved from 10am to 2-3pm, with bedtime being ususally around 6:30-7:30. on top of that I've realised that we're halfway through and I've yet to see most of the shows I want to, so I've been trying to catch up on them with varying success.
Anyway the day before yesterday is really where the story of the last 48 hours starts and I'd just finished watching Duncan's show, it's changing and evolving every day, and today had a section of childish jokes all about how Fiona Shepperd had called the show "Childish" in the Scotsman. The show's Called "the '68 Bumcrack special" it's hardly going to be incisive political satire is it? I be Andy Zaltzman's shitting himself!
so, yeah, the show finishes and I decided to head over to The Stand, I really want to see Daniel Kitson, I've not seen him for about 9 years when he used to host a comedy night at the university I used to go to. I didn't realise it was Friday and therefore the gig wasn't on but I stuck around anyway and watched the late show, they really do have the best line-ups in the country, Friday's had Tom Stade compeering (after Susan Morrison had done best of Scottish and was concerned as for the first time ever she'd compeered an entire show without using the word "Cunt") and Sarah Kendall Opened, with Tom Wrigglesworth and David O'Docherty in the middle section and Reg D Hunter headlining. My friend Ben Schofield turned up and I hung out with him watching the show, it was the first time I'd seen David O'Docherty and he was fantastically good.
As the show finished I knew I had to get back over to the underbelly/gilded balloon. Reg was going in a taxi to do the late show so I managed to grab a lift with him whilst Ben called me a "Notorious starfucker".
Ah, who cares, I Met up with Katie Mulgrew and Gareth from the Manchester Store, last time I'd seen him was two nights earlier staggering round trying to hold onto two brightly coloured drinks in martini glasses, spilling both and looking confused as to why this was. It would appear that he'd sobered up by now, and we sat chatting until we decided to head down to the Library bar where hung out for a while whilst I was trying to figure out what I was doing with my life. I'd got my medication back so I'm starting to get back into my groove, but the festival tiredness is still getting to me, plus my feet are now blistered and my limp has been exacerbated by this. But whilst I was there I managed to get talking to Stephen K Amos and Kelly from Just for Laughs, I like Kelly, she's great fun to talk to, plus she's hot asnd has great tattoos which is a bonus. I'd meant to have an early night and it just wasn't happeneing, I got into a great conversation with Nick Doody about diversity and striving for equality and how that should be achieved through education right up until he had to go, and I wandered around for a bit before eventually heading off home myself. Earlier than usual, I made it back to the flat for 5am. On the previous day I'd had to knock for half an hour to wake up Chris, so I was prepared for a bit of effort to get in.
What I wasn't prepared for was that he'd not be there. After half an hour of knocking I tried calling his phone. Straight through to answering machine. I text him, and I text everyone I knew who might have Helen the girl he's been spending a lot of time with's number. No one got back to me. I was kneeling on the door mat looking through the letterbox into my room and thinking "If I was only 8 feet that way I'd be in bed now and fine." My super hero abilities are not what they once were and managing to stretch through the letterbox like that guy in X files is not one of my strengths so I decided to sleep on the doorstep. I started to drift off and then about an hour later loads of people from the surrounding flats started to get up and go off to work. It wasn't going to work so I left and headed up the street grabbing a taxi over to my car where I slept until 2pm. my sleep was broken, not by it being uncomfortable or by people going by but by the cold. The one day this last week that it's been freezing in the morning and pissing down and I happen to be sleeping in my car.
I got woken by a phone call from Eddie Hoo asking if I was running my gig today. I've pulled it due to lack of numbers. I lay there for a bit. a 2004 3 door Ford Fiesta is not the easiest car to get out of if you've been sleeping in the back with the seats down so it took a while to compose myself. then I got a call from Busty Beats from Sista She asking if I wanted to meet up with them and have a chat about stuff, I'm supposed to be doing the Phat Mama gig on Thursday at Phatcaves, plus they were looking at how to market themselves towards a queer audience. "Erm, yeah, I've just woken up in the back of my car." was about all I could manage to say. So that was one thing I was going to be seeing today, their show "The House of Holy Bootay". I should probably go and grab a shower at some point before then, so far both times they've seen me I've ended up leaving the house having not had time for a shower so I've done a quick run over the collar and cuffs with a J-cloth and some detol in an attempt to make myself barely human. Plus I think Sheila MC is hot and the last thing I need is to turn up there looking like... well like I've slept in the back of a car.
Heading down to flyer for Duncan's show I manage to get there just in time and head out onto the royal mile, fortunately I manage to get most of the tickets taken, though the last 8 that I gave away to one party would come back to haunt me.
I should have known it was going to be tricky when the guy asked if it was suitable for older kids, I said not really, and then he said they were advanced for their age (14-15 he said) and then said if I wanted some drugs to get in touch with his son.
Anyway I gave them the tickets and headed back to the venue for the set-up. The numbers were good and the show started, then about 10 minutes in this family of 8 turned up including two kids, of about 8 and 9, one of them in a wheelchair and the disruption started.
Then the dad of the kids started getting gobby and shouting out, Duncan dealt with him but he carried on, getting more and more incomprehensible. I was getting wound up and went over to have a word with him. He said he'd shut up, he was just too pissed to know what was going on. He started up again, he and his whole family had put a bad mood in the venue and were making everyone feel uneasy. After the third interruption I started looking round for heavy things I could punch him in the base of the skull with. the only thing I could find was a heavy padlock, but without a chain to attach it to there was too much of a risk that it wouldn't fell him immediately. In the end I got Rich Wilson to come and throw him out. after this, one by one his family left until by the 45th minute they'd gone and the last 15 minutes of the gig were a dream. Wankers.
So I headed off to watch the House of the Holy Bootay. Unshowered, smelling and tired. This always happens. On the way I met up with Emily, a promoter from Ireland who Paul Byrne introduced me to, she's ace too, I was thinking I'd not make any friends this time round but I've been pleasantly surprised and hope that this surprise continues. The show was fantastic, really good, and then I headed out for a cigarette before I chatted to them. Whilst I was out there Mitch Benn cornered me and we chatted, Mitch is another one of those people who I rarely gig with and think it's such a shame because we get on so well, we exchanged stories of the worst rooms int eh country for comedy, I said Accrington Town Hall, a big cavernous room with a really high roof and a 1,500 capacity, which had 14 people in when I played it. He said one in Bournemouth.
I headed back in and we chatted with the girls for a while, I really hope that we manage to make some headway with breaking the queer market for their show, it's fantastic, for me they've been the find of the festival and they're just a pleasure to watch. For me it's hip hop I can listen to without feeling guilty about the sexism and homophobia, not that that stops me listening to it, but it makes me feel bad about it.
after this we head off to the Green room to watch "Songs about Vaginas" by Jessica Delfino, which is a nice contrast to Sista She, more electro clash-y sort of Peaches meets Le Tigra via Aimee Mann with that New York arts scene vibe about the show. Plus any show with a title like that already has my money, before you introduce an interactive talking Vagina sat in a chair on stage. This is Edinburgh for me!
So flitting back and forth between the Green Room and the cowbarn for Mitch (of which I only catch a small bit before I head on down to Old Rope to see if I can find Chris to make sure that I'm not going to be ending up in the back of my car again tonight, especially as we've to move out of the flat tomorrow, but he's not there so I head on back over to the Phatcaves.
It's Tracksuit night with hip-hop Karaoke, Sista She and Micky D do a spectacular show stopping opening section ending with Micky's rendition of Jump Around which gets the night off to a fantastic start, whilst this is going on, Glenn Wool turns up and comes over to sit with me telling me how he had an audience int he other night that weren't going with some of his stuff, but he referenced me and my response to it and a joke we made when we were talking about it afterwards and apparently they got even more uptight until he said "Hey, there's nothing wrong with that, that was a joke I had with my friend and if she didn't like it she'd stop being my friend."
Ok, I understand that doesn't make much sense. Go see his show and it will do.
Anyway the night was great, Glenn ended up doing his strip tease, and there was drinking and dancing and a soupçon of debauchery. I ended up sexy dancing with Janice Phayre who told me I was a good dancer. She's the first person who's ever said that, normally people either laugh or say "Yep, you see that that you're doing? Yep, don't do that."
As I walked back to the flat in the early morning sun I thought. You really should have been home earlier. Especially as in 3 hours you are supposed to have left the flat.
As I climbed into bed I repeated over and over "Every minute you sleep will feel like two" until I drifted off.
I wake up and I'm aware I need to be out of here, there's a sense of unease. Chris has gone and as I get up and look at my phone it says the time's 11:15 and I've got a text. I read it.
Chris Stokes
Hey Beth, the Land lord says he's coming round to have a look at the flat at 11 so you'd probably be best being out of there.
How is that of any use to me in a text? If you're going to tell me I need to be out of somewhere within a time frame then a phone call's probably for the best. I call him to tell him this then head to the bathroom realising that everything's gone so I don't brush my teeth and shower using value bubble bath to wash my hair. I pack everything up and leave carrying my whole world on my back, I stop to pick up some toothpaste and some tweezers and head to the venue. the early part of the day's usually boring, and this is were my day really starts. Right now. As I'm writing this.
I'm doing Spank tonight. Tim Minchin's on. So no pressure.
Anyway time to go and eat somthing and prepare. Aside from dying on my arse at pearshaped last week I've not had a gig since I've been up here. need to try and remember my stuff.
Until tomorrow. I love you all
BB xXx
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