Sat in the VIP room of the Green Room, sat cross legged on a bean bag typing this out on an apple mac I feel like I'm in a trendy New York Loft space where all the coolest artists in the world are, essentially in my mind at least this is how I imagine it.

It's the night of the Chortle/Revels Student competition and I've been nervous about it for three days now, starting almost immediatly after I appeared at Spank the night before last. I did ok, and I got complements and feedback from all sorts of people, Ian Stone, Shappi Khosandi (who I followed) and Tim Minchin who ws doing one of only four shows at this year's festival, but the whole thing felt flat and wrong, and the fact I was comfortable on stage, which usually leads to a storming gig, didn't seem to pay off this time. There were a number of things that I should have done better and a few things that were out of my control. The monitor at the front of the stage continued to play the intro music after I'd made it on stage which distracted me, I thought someone's mobile was going off. and I just didn't get the response I'm used to. After the gig people said they'd enjoyed it, I hadtwo women come over to me and toild me that they read this blog, That really cheered me up too. and to them I have difficulty hearing especially when there's music playing so if I appeared a little weird it's because I couldn't hear anything but didn't want to look impolite and therefore even more socially awkward.

Tim was fantastic by the way, it's the first time i've seen him and I've been singing his tunes to myself for the last couple of days. We had a brief chat as he was leaving and his comments have stuck with me. Later on I ended up down at teh Library bar again, chatting to friends until I was so tired I felt like I was about to pass out. Chris from Te Stand was in and asked if I wanted to stop at his (so I didn't break the rule!) and I said I would. We left with SImon Munnery and headed back towards Leith Walk, I couldn't shake the things I should have done differently at the gig, but I was tired now, we stopped off at Precillla's which opened at 5am for a drink then back to the flat where we listened to Boothby Graffoe's CD and then I fell asleep on the couch.

When I woke up it was 3pm time to get out and get working on Duncan's show. The previous day I'd flyerer the Goths who hang out at the top of Hunter Square and they'd all come to see it and loved every second of it. We have 52 in and it was the best gig of the run so far. So I'd wanted to keep it up and have another great one, one of the girls who knew the Goths and Emo kids there was so excited she asked if she could hand out some of the free tickets and flyers for it, she did my job better than I did and managed to get rid of more than me in a shorter time. I still kept the money though.

After the gig I met up wtih my friend Emily and we went for a Pizza and a chat about stuff, it turned out Old ROpe had been over booked so my spot there had to be cut which was gutting, I could have done with another warm-up before tonight. Then finding out that I was only needed to do 5 minutes tonight rather than the 7 that I'd planned threw me too.

I spent today going over and over it again and again, I'm starting to feel the nerves building up inside me. I get full on stage frieght like no one else I know, everyone gets nerves but for about half an hour before I'm supposed to go on if find myself feeling sick to my stomach and terrified almost to the point of tears and my head's telling me to get out of there, run away stay out of the drop zone. Right now I've 2 hours to show time and it's starting. I need to get food.

it was probably a silly idea to try and write this whilst I feel like this. I'll calm down and give it another go tomorrow, for now I need food.

Until next time,

I love you all

BB xXx

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