I've got a sore throat.

I only just started to get over the last cold, one of a succession that has kind of faded but never gone only to be replaced by another one tracing back to the beginning of August, So it's really irritating. Echinatia doesn't seem to even touch this, so it's time to quit smoking and start eating right.

I should be working right now on an essay for my course, that's why I'm sat in front of a computer in the library. Suddenly over the last few weeks I've had enough gigs, paying me enough to live off, and as a result I've not been keeping up to date with my studies. I've not been in to uni for a few weeks now, though the last two were as a reslt of an error on my part, I thought that Reading week was last week. I found out my error on Tuesday morning when I turned up to go to a seminar only to find out that reading week was this week.

I've had an odd start to the day, I woke up crying due to a nightmare. I thought I'd stopped having them in January, ever since I was about 6 or 7 I've had frequent nightmares and difficulty sleeping. It'#s only really been since doing comedy and being able to get up when I want that the not sleeping thing has ceased to be a problem. Turns out no matter how hard I try to re set it my natural pattern is to get up around noon and go to sleep around 4 or 5 in the morning.

Anyway just after Christmas I finally felt totally secure as a person, it was the turning point in not only getting over a broken relationship I'd not wanted to end, but also a turning point in my general life, work became easier and I stopped having nightmares.

In the last week though I've had two. One involved myself and my old flatmate Hollie recreating a fight between two 16th century Shaolin monks (both of us could levitate) and she bullied me into doing it as I didn't want to, but she threw a sword to me and told me to pick it up, it was kind of like Jack Palance in the movie Shane. Which is odd considering she's a 5 fot nothing chinese girl. We then fought and I got quite badly cut up but I still slashed her across the stomach and then stabbed her in the face as she wouldn't stop.

This upset me.

Last nights was even weirder, insofar as it was incredibly mundane. I was back at the house my parents used to own, the house I'd grown up in. They'd both died and I had to go there to sort it out. I'd got Sarah to come and help me as my health was failing and I'd just been told I'd got terminal cancer and would die within six months. But I was trying to stay positive. at one point I went to get something from the room she was staying in, and Liv; her ex, was in there. She didn't see me as her back was towards me and she was changing her clothes so I left and went to find Sarah and we got into an argumetn about Liv being there when all this stuff had happened with my parents dying and me being about to die. She said she wouldn't make Liv go, I said I'd throw her out. And Sarah said they'd both go. She went to get her stuff and I trie dto stop her because I didn't want to be trapped alone in the big old house slowly dying with only my memories to comfort me, but she went to go, getting Liv, who I started crying at and yelling abuse at as she went to go, as I saw her face to face for the first time in ages I realised she was about 6 months pregnant. Sarah said it was hers and I tried to explain how biologically this was impossible, but they explained some science to me that made sense and then they left me.

It was at that point I woke up.

I lay in bed for about 2 hours after this happened just feeling really uneasy.

I don't really know what either of these mean, so if anyone wants to message me with explanations I'll take them into consideration.

I reckon it's just stress at having to get a load of things done on a limited time scale and me being totally unable to organise myself.

Anyway I'm looking forward to the weekend. It's Rosanne's Birthday tomorrow, and then Jason and Claire's wedding on Sunday, and I'm back at the Iguana in Chorlton on Monday, a gig which many comics hate but I always love doing.

I really should get back on to doing some reading. The title of my essay is: "There is no document of civilization that is not at the same time a document of barbarism."

Wish me luck

until next time, I love you all

BB xXx

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Comments:

Comment from: charlene [Visitor]

Good luck.
As usual I enjoy reading your blog, I hope all is well and look after yourself.

Permalink 17/11/07 @ 20:29

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