Essentially the University Library doesn't open on a sunday, and I've to get a short piece of work in for tomorrow that I really needed to look at stuff in the Library for.

It's sad really, as on Wednesday I handed in my final piece of work.

10 years it took to get this degree, and I mentioned that earlier, but it was really strange at 6am on Wednesday, sat in my room in my flat. Books strewn across the floor along with dirty clothes and bags of shoes and oither detritus. the warm summer sun cascading through the windows and hitting the back of my neck as I finished off a 4000 word essay on Freud's notion of the uncanny and the German notion of Heimat in relation to the German TV series of the same name.

New Dawn Fades by Joy division finds itself starting up on my itunes, and I sit back and light a cigarette and watch the smoke spiral round in the air and early morning shafts of light.

I've finished. Done. Finito.

Did I think ten years ago that I'd be here?

No. I was going to be a rockstar by 22, fucked up and addicted to Heroin and crack by 25, going crazy in hotel rooms in Japan and LA by 26 before dying of heart failure in the Chelsea Hotel in New York at the age of 27, emaciated, drawn and still 7 and a half stone.

I'm two years older than I ever expected to be, which I already consider a win. but it's not the only one.

Handing in that Assignment at 3:30 that afternoon and talking to my coursemates who'd also just finished their degrees, they were asking "so what do we do now?"

I already knew the answer to this. I've spent my time here trying to sort it all out.

As of three thirty on Wednesday 7th May 2008 I'd handed in the final piece of work of this kind that I was ever going to have to do. aged 29 years-old and with a beautiful girlfriend who I know is the one, and who loves me the same, I now have no other work or income than comedy. I'm happy, fulfilled, sober, clean and looking forward to spending the rest of my life doing the job I love.

I was saying about not having much money or enough gigs booked in to live off and my Mrs gave me the reason that I love her and the reason that she's the one for me in the form of the sentance "Day jobs are death. You can't do them and you know you can't, you just get working and book as much in as you can. Don't worry about the money side of things, we can sort that, you just get on with youir career."

So here I am. Bethany Black, Professional Stand-up comedian.

That night we'd gone out for some food to celebrate and on the way back to the car I got a call from Captain Tassles at the Frog, Jason Cook is in New Zealand and it's his show, The Asylum, tonight and they need acts. I'm about 20 minutes away so I head down there and it's a great night, I'm supposed to be doing ten minutes form my Show, Beth Becomes Her.

If you're not familiar with my work, or my show or me, then the quick run down is that Beth Becomes Her is the show about the last 8 years or so of my life, about me realising I was transsexual, coming out to family and friends and going through transition and surgery and eventually coming out the other end realising that I'm now a lot happier than I've ever been. It's a show that starts with Suicide attempts, abortions and nervous breakdowns and ends with me finding true love.

Anyway the act before me was doing a character who was quite bigotted, and the main crux of his rant was about going to see the Ladyboys of Bangkok. it's the sort of thing that doesn't challenge and prejudices but essentially reinforces them. This all adds to make it a little more difficult for me, so I decided not to do any of the stuff from my show.

Dave Longley who was compereing for the night then went on to introduce me and told them that I was doing 10 minutes from my show, and that I'd been nominated for an award, and how great it was and how there's some media interest in the show.

Suddenly I've got no choice. But I go on and do the first ten minutes and it flies by, and for the first time ever I've got a crowd begging me to stay and finish off telling the story. But I've only got 10 minutes, and the full story's 6 times longer than that.

Afterwards a number of the audience and quite a few of the comics and people who work at the Frog ask when I'm doing a full Edinburgh Preview as they want to come and see it. People really are starting to take an interest in this show. and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with that.

Thursday is day two of being a full time comedian, and I'm looking at my virtually empty diary (as a result of spending the last 3 months working on making sure I'd got my degree work done) and so I start phoning round.

Not having a landline or contract phone makes this more difficult, as just to do one quick sweep of the numbers in my phone costs £16 in credit and the result is that I've got 4 open spots or tryouts depending on your point of view for some bigger clubs, and nothing else. It's annoying, but it's a start, and 4 gigs booked in one day is more than enough, especially as the majority of gigs I do are paid it's rare that I'll get an unpaid spot, but there you go.

I call Silky who's looking for an act for his gig in Clwyd that evening so I jump in the car and head down there. It's an arts centre gig, which are lovely, but occasionally not ones for the darker stuff. I'm on with Gary Delaney and Tony Law.

I love working with Gary and Tony's my favourite comedian on the circuit, who I've only ever gigged with once, and he was doubling up so only turned up after I'd been on.

Tonight though he was there from the start, and Silky had given me some good advice about easing them into the stuff I was going to do, and so I did, but the stuff that was in my show made me nervous. It's something that I'm trying to get over, I know it's good stuff, but it really requires an audience to go with it.

I lose confidence, the audience loses confidence. At one point I'm building up a silence for a pay off in one of my suicide stories when someone behind the bar, with perfect rhythmical timing manages to drop a full tray of glasses.

It's ruined the punchline and the rhythm of the piece but it's at such a place that I can't just drop out of the joke.

Anyway I finish and I've done alright, no where near as good as I'd have liked but certainly not death. and the more I go with the stuff that I want to do the more I avoid mediocre gigs. They're all or nothing, and that's the way I like it, sometimes members of the crowd and members of the same table hating and loving it in equal measure.

I'm not for everyone. And that's just how I like it.

Both Tony and Silky give me the same advice. That they thought it was excellent, but "you just need to have the courage of your convictions" said Silky "that's the most nervous I've seen you in 4 years."

Tony said the same thing, I asked him if he'd any more advice and he said "don't listen to anyone else's advice unless you agree with it."

So it's Sunday afternoon, the sund's shining, and I've spent the weekend with my Mrs. We watched Dr Who and The L word, and talked about stuff to do with Edinburgh and her current exhibition and had a great time.

I just got my proof for the "Edinburgh Comedy Festival Brochure" through. It looks good, I think, I hope it'll have the desired effect. It should do, I've just spent £972.90 on my adverts for both brochures.

But more about that for next time.

I'm going to go and eat ice-cream.

until next time I love you all

xXx