07/11/07
Mini Buskers -
Categories: Among the incidents of that past couple of weeks include the most highbrow heckle I've ever received: 'Do you know what solipsism means?'
I hadn't mentioned it, so it wasn't relevant and I can only assume that the heckler was pretty much ignorant of everything going on around them and blissfully unaware of pretty much everything except their own existence.
That would have been a canny put-down in a corporate gig for epistemologists, but as it was a student gig I plumped for a decidedly less sophisticated allusion to their questionable sexuality. Horses for courses...
And a word of advice to someone else: To the lady with the terribly unfortuanate birth mark on her face that looks like a Hitler moustache - please could you never again sit at the front of a comedy gig. It's an awful shame. So are many other amusing things.
I'm a big fan of bad buskers. 'Bad Buskers' sounds like a shit B-movie.
The oddest buskers I came across this week were two kids who couldn't have been more than 9/10 years old, seemingly unaccompanied.
They had stands and all sorts, and I sauntered up as they were just setting up. I got a photo, but it's not a very good one because I'm not sure what the law is about taking photos of minors. Presumably you can take photos of your own kids because they are your property. It would make for a fairly dystopian photo album where it begins at 16 years old.
But I'm hazy about ones that aren't your own. Anyway it's a shit photo because I was trying to be subtle about it, the irony being if you try to do that kind of thing covertly you look even more like a shifty paedo.
All well and good. I imagined it to be the product of pushy parenting. I waited for them to start playing, just on the off-chance that it was brilliantly cack.
They were, in truth, musically accomplished. But for reasons only known to themselves, they chose to play Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah'. The 1988 version that is frankly sexually explicit. VERY WRONG.
My friends in York have just popped out a kiddy. I think they'll make good parents. I was shown an array of photos of the child, and then onto the gifts that had been showered thereupon. The most unusual of which was...
No, I had no idea either. Luckily there was a label on the bottom of the piece (which was made of pottery and had a slot in the top) informing us that it was a 'mouse radish bank'.
I wasn't aware, but apparently Piggy Banks are terribly passé these days. No, what you really want for your newborn is something that looks like a horrific genetic mistake.
I'm not sure if there's a range of vegetable/animal hybrid depositories - there must be, surely.
You don't go straight from 'Pig' to 'Mouse-Radish'.
Sick.
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