I can't believe we're almost into December. Well, I can believe it, but not immediately. When my snot comes out and I'm not aware of my lovely candle stick nose, then I believe it. (It happened this morning.)

So, the last week has been quite jolly. I did a gig on tuesday night in Reigate at an ASK restaurant and to be honest I wasn't looking forward to it. Eating and laughing? Imagine the mess. But this wasn't the case. They ate then laughed.... I had a nice one (not pizza).

I've mentioned before I'm getting very bored of my general stand-up material but not bored enough to write some more (cause they're still laughing I spose). Most of my paid work is for MCing (which is my favourite), and I spose I've added lines here and there to my stand-up act which have seemed sufficient up to now.

So when I get a paid stand-up gig like tuesday I feel a bit like I'm swizzing the audience somehow by spewing out the same stuff. I really care about the audience, like probably more than I need to.... I'm also really aware that I'm doing a "set" not MCing so I have to try really hard not to speak too long to them. On tuesday I think the medium I struck was happy and I had a jolly old time.

I know I must still have some creativity in me cause Caroline and I are always nipping and tucking Sandy Hole and its still lots of fun to do, also with Catface Cabaret I have to devise new comedy stuff throughout each show, be it in dance, song, stand-up or sketchy type stuff and I fully enjoy this, it consumes my thoughts and in a good way.

I just can't muster up the effort to include stuff thats in my mind in my stand-up set. I know thats lazy, but the yearning isn't there right now and I'm just being honest. Like, I don't find the prospect of driving to far away gigs with stand-up's I don't know, only to have conversations that aren't real, to then do a set I'm bored of, to then come all the way back. It's just not floating my boat at present.

I know people that are reading this will think I'm being well moany, but please dear reader, my frame of mind at present is positive. It's just freaking me out a bit that my normal stand-up Vs Mcing seem to be performed by two different people. They both get laughs and the job gets done, but my frame of mind on each seems to be at polar extremes. Hmmmm think on.....

So this week I went to weigh myself at Boots and they have a super duper deluxe scale that also tells you your height. So apparently I've shrunk. Measuring in at a mere 5ft 4.5! Whats that about I thought I was 5ft 6 inches. Oh well. This of course upped my BMI by another point. Bah so I'm even more over weight than I thought. Thanks alot Boots.

So this weekend sees me mainly doing over-time at MTV and then sunday night we have "A Night in Sandy Hole" on at the South London Theatre, this is the SECOND to last performance of this show. The final one is on Monday 26th at the Bath House in Soho. I would LOVE it if you could come along if you've never been and if you say CHORTLE AND THE WHEELIES you will get in for a mere £3.00. The show starts at 7:30pm and its literally 50 mins long so you can still get to bed at a reasonanble hour. Deal? Steal more like.

Its hard trying to pretend you're not hungover. I'm at work and my boss is here from Holland. My mantra is "I am spritely. I am spritely." But I'm not. My head hurts, I'm floppy. So far he doesn't appear to suspect. I'm hoping I didn't sweat too much on the way to work in case wine seeps from my pores and then the jig will be up.

On the way home from the gig I went to see last night I bumped into a stand-up comic I knew also on the way home from a gig he'd just performed at. He was completely sober, and I was quite drunk. BAH.

The thing is, our eyes met just at the crucial moment that I was ramming a whoppa burger with cheese into my salivating gob. I whipped it from my mouth and stuffed it back in the bag but it was too late, he'd seen me at my weakest and there was nothing I could do to erase that image.

I think I rambled on about crap for ages, even forfeiting getting off at Bank to continue my monologue. 'He smiled sweetly and said don't worry.' (he didn't do that, its a line from a song) but yeah I'm a silly, and I just get excited.

I've just discovered a complaints form in my handbag which I requested at Euston Burger King last night because (wait for it...) they didn't have any cheese burgers or normal burgers available for sale last night. WHAT A COCK. Haa haa.

Thats it for now.

BYE.

So I'm re-qualified now as a first aider. Thats right people I can re-save your life, because I remember what to do again. Good ole' St john's Ambulance. I always feel fully equipt when I do this course, but would probably shit my pants if the unfortunate situation arose where-in I had to perform CPR on an unlucky soul. The course was in Sidcup in a little hut with no-one around. I would hate to work around that area (Footscray) cause its awfully depressing. With nothing but a lone gingey tom cat wondering around with a thoroughly bored expression on his face.

The examiner said to all the women when reading the badges with our names on, "The badges are always on the women's chest so is hard to look at your name, without appearing like I'm staring." But you are staring aren't you. Or you'd never have said that. And when I got only ticks on my paper he said, "No Kisses this time.." I looked at him confused for a moment before realising he meant no crosses. I took this as a semi-good sign and then realised I had passed. Hurrah.

Last week we had the first night of Catface Comedy at the Bath House in Soho. We only ended up with a small audience, (but a lovely one) & I'm pleased to announce that the twelve strong audience we got were made up of COMPLETE RANDOMS which is always lots of fun. Line up included, Janice Phayre, Gareth BErliner, Evie Anderson and David Hadingham, all of whom did very well. I MC'd and I completely enjoyed it too. Next one is on on the 5th December with Josie Long headlining.

The plan BTW with this night, is to have strong openers and closers, two solid mid spots and a new open spot. The open spot is the only spot we will book having not seen the act before or having had a recommendation. I think its important to have a spot reserved for someone who we haven't seen or the whole thing gets too cliquey, and we could all do with some fresh blood. There's some great new acts out there who just need a few chances so this is what we intend to do.

At the weekend I went to see my parents in Orpington and then to visit my Nan in the home. As some of you may be aware, my lovely old Nannie has senile dementia and no longer remembers who I am. We were very close before she got ill but I've now come to accept that the part of her who I once knew is gone. Unfortunately since I last visited, she's regressed further and mainly only speaks German now. I hate that I didn't learn deutch at school or get taught by her. (BTW my nan is german, she doesn't just randomly speak the language). So it was tough at times having to repeat "Nicht spreckon ze deutch" to her. Despite this, it was a pleasant visit. I sang her old songs like "Down at the old bull and bush" and "My old man" etc etc. This always makes her smile. We also played catch, but she kept trying to unwrap the ball when she got it.

I stayed at my parent's the night and then the next day went to Bromley to good old Primark. I only arrived at 12 (the shop opens at 11) and already it was carnage in there. Bromley branch seems particularly unruly especially for "clothes-dropping" on the floor. I couldn't find any trousers/jeans that would suit, as most were the "skinny" kind. How about inventing some "fat jeans" eh? Or how about some "chubber jeans". No. Skinny all the way. My legs are ok its just when it gets to the middle bit on me. I'm not apple shape, nor pear shape, nor boy shaped. I'm aubergine shape. How about catering for me?

Tonight I'm off to see the Real Daniel O Donnell show at the Albany. Is anyone else on here going to this? I think I might be going on my own you see.... I promised Muki for ages I'd come so I want to honour my claims and have heard its an ace night.

Right thats me. Bye!

Its been a really busy two weeks, so this blog may be quite long. First of all, I went to Munich last week to talent escort at the MTV European Music Awards.

Each escort is assigned an act or entourage and they'e in charge of making sure that their talent is always where they should be at all times. So, for example, if the talent has a slot on the red carpet, you must take them there, greet them at the other end and then make sure they're in the right position for the show and also take them to press for interview and in general never lose your talent. Sound easy right? Turns out that these "Talent Types" are something called "human" and thus the above job is intense.

On the day before the show each escort is assigned their talent. I got Dynamo the magician and I was so happy cause he seems to down to earth and he really is. For those of you who don't know who he is, please check his website here www.dynamoworld.com

Dynamo's main position would be in the Foo Fighters bar (the glamour pit) doing magic in live links on the likes of Nelly Furtado, The Foo Fighters, Avril Lavigne and Joss Stone during the show.

During the day there would be a dress rehearsal where in each act is required to wear what he/she would be wearing on camera that evening so this could be filmed previously to make sure colours were right etc.

As we were heading to Dynamo's first position (dress rehearsal) I realised we didn't have his red T-Shirt; 'not to worry' I said, 'if we need it, I shall hot foot it back to your dressing room'. A few minutes later, Dan, his manager told me they needed it now as they were gonna run through his bit. 'No problem' I said, and went to head back down the tunnel which leads to the dressing rooms. At this point, I was met with Snoop Dog's car, his massive Security, Bitches, Bath tub babes, Horn blower and the very man himself. (All of the description above is exactley how they were known on the day) This intimidating sight was something I couldn't slide pass un-noticed, so I decided to take a different exit out of the stadium to get back to the dressing room. All the time on my walkie talkie being very aware that we needed that T-Shirt NOW.

All of a sudden I was completely lost, the olympic stadium is like a maze, but somehow I couldn't find my way back to the dressing rooms. Tears nearly came out of my eyes as I hoofed it around the stadium manically, the panic inside of me increasing by the minute. I had my cold lunch in one hand, thirty million passes round my neck, a clip board and pen in the other hand and heavy bag on my back. It was horrid.

EVENTUALLY I got back, retrieved the damn T-shirt and brought it to its rightful owner.
Here is my sweaty/red face.

The red carpet was mental with the most amount of reporters, papparazzi, industry types and disco balls I have ever seen. I had to tell Dynamo not to do any tricks on the carpet, (this was an instruction from above) but he did them anyway and I'm glad. Bless him, he actually said 'sorry bout that Leanne'. I was like ' Fuck it, I'd have done the same!' Why wouldn't he? Magic's what he does.

In our row of dressing rooms, it went, Dynamo, Lewis Hamilton, Pete Doherty (plus Baby Shambles) and Amy Winehouse. All of which seemed to behave. Well, Lewis Hamilton would behave anyway, but ya know what I mean. I like Amy Winehouse more than I did beforenow as well. Pete Doherty spilt a pint of beer outside Dynamo's dressing room and was seen walking down a whole flight of stairs with his eyes closed. His performance was cool though and his band and the few entourage there were, were laid back and settled.

A couple of the female performers were diva-ish, but I didn't see it as diva-ish, more like dilluded, childish behaviour. Some really have lost their way, but what can you expect if ya surrounded by a group of people always saying how great you are. You start to believe it and thats where the trouble begins.

So that was Munich. Dynamo was ace, as was his manager. Here they are at the end of the night.

Next up, Catface Cabaret. As most of you should be aware, this has now moved to the Hen and Chickens theatre in Islington, so I was pretty nervous about using the new space. It went very well indeed, although didn't QUITE sell out, but still had a plentiful fantastic audience and everyone appeared to have much fun. Thanks to the whole cast, Pappy's Fun Club, Evie Anderson, Brian and Krysstal, Anthony Davis, Amphlett and Candy, The dancers, Sophie Ward and Lauren Nathan, Louisa Ciacciarelli, and Tim of course in the Tech box. Fucking ace!

Monday night, it was Gareth's fantastic charity event at the Comedy Store in aid of St Mark's Hospital ( who saved his life). The line up was crazy. Glenn Wool, Brendon Burns, Rich Herring, Mickey D, Dave Hadingham, Adam Bloom, Tanya Lee Davies, and Ed Byrne. Gareth hosted/MC'd it and he did a fantastic job. FULLY holding his own and raising nearly six grand for the hospital. It pretty much sold out and the feedback's been amazing. Well done, you funny little 'fing.

Also check out the documentary he was in on the Community Channel website, I'm in it too!

Tonight sees the launch of Catface Comedy at the Bath House in Soho. This is a night purely dedicated to Stand-up (cause I only use one or two stand-up's for catface cabaret) and tonight's line up is, Janice Phayre, Evie Anderson, Gareth Berliner and Dave Hadingham. Me is MC. Me is. If you wanna come, I'll do you a special deal of £3 PP instead of £6, cause its the launch. Just say Myspace or Chortle on entry. 8pm