OH EM GEE!

Two words. The Apprentice.............. Two more words. Alex Wotherspoon. Damn, he's fine. And only 24. I love them when they're young. More grateful. Makes a change from the usual UGS they have on the show - like RUTH BADGER. Although when I texted that to my mate Steve, he wrote back "Badger not without her charm." Jesus Christ.

So Good news everyone, I'm going to be back ON AIR! SW1 Radio, as of April. And, they have an FM licence now so it won't just be available online. Exciting stuff. I love doing SW1radio and I love my listener. Only joking, I had 9 once. I'll keep you updated as and when this show will be. EXCITING! I love doing radio, playing music and talking are my favourite two things in the world. WOOH. Hey I really hate it when people put Wooh, like this "WOOP." Its stupid.

Oh and I got my mocha sony erriccson phone upgrade. Its like the size of nano so I'm bound to lose it.

There's an article in the Sun today about a pregnant man. Blee. But really its not a pregnant man. Its a man who was once a woman and who has a womb thing. Anyway, I don't believe its true. I can puff my stomach out to a 7 month stance and all thats in me is beer and chips. So, who wants to go out with me? Come on, form an orderly queue.

BYE.

You know when you say a word to be silly like "DUDE." Cause you're taking the piss? Then suddenly you find yourself using it more out of habit and then almost seriously? Well I've started doing it with the acronym O.M.G. As in Oh My God. So I used to say Oh Em Gee as a laugh but now I say it seriously and I never meant for that to happen.

Like on Saturday night I was in O'Neils with my pal Lauren cause it was my mate's birthday and we were up the bar getting some drinks. All of a sudden I exclaimed to Lauren "OH EM GEE! There's someone tummying me in my back!" There was this big fat rugby player just sticking his tummy on me, proper tummying. I was like "Stop tummying me you NOB! Lauren he's proper tummying me!" etc etc. He didn't stop though despite my roaring "you NOB" in his face. What a perv. Felt quite nice though.

Later, on the bus home I saw some youngsters looking up to no good and one of the girls had a pram and she was jostling the pram about in an uncool fashion. So I was like "Oh Em Gee, I'm going to have to say something Lauren." She was like "No you don't..." And I was like "I do. That baby could be getting hurt in there" So I went over to the gang and said to the girl "Can I look at your baby please?" And she goes "Yeah. It ain't even real, social services gave me a doll to look after to prove I can be trusted." ERM! OH EM GEE. I said "How old are you?" "Fourteen" She replied. I was like "I'm DOUBLE your age! What are you doing out this late?" And this seemed to ruffle the gang's feathers but when I looked at them they looked at the floor. I must have seemed like a loony. Haa Haa thats the key to scare off a gang, act like you are bonkers. I was really outraged that she was only 14 and out at 1am on a saturday night and with a faux baby. This world is weird.

Yesterday Kerry came over for a roast (not that kind) and it was lush. I am the best roast potato maker in the world. I love cooking. I also just got the new Delia cheat book and its ace. Saying that, I've gone a bit off Delia cause her latest programme keeps focussing on her football love. I think its Norwich. And she seems WELL annoying when she's trying to have banter with the players - they seem like they might secretly hate her. I just thought of another annoying word/phrase. Its "I DIGRESS" Lauren Laverne absolutely raped this phrase on her old breakfast show on XFM. Anyway thats what I am doing, so back to cooking. I love it.

I'm a right little homemaker (Lads...so....) anyway. The roast was yummy and then we went to my local pub. I love that pub I really do. Its a proper pub. They had some live music last night which consisted of two guitar players, a vocalist and a mouth organ player. It was ace. We requested "I am sailing" and the man sounded identical to Rod Stewart. I said he should go on Stars in Their Eyes. I did loud clapping. I realise that this can sound sarcastic but I fully meant each clap.

I've got so much to do today. Like go to Wicks. I hate Wicks, it stinks of men. Not that men smell yucky. Just Wicks is so laddish. And I'm always the only girl in there. Bah.

Praise the lord, cats and BT man Paul, for I now have internet at home. Life is good.

I just got the voiceover I did back from MTV all spruced up with music and animations and they've made my voice even deeper (if thats possible)

So today I've been doing chores. I Cilit-Banged my bathroom and it was tough. Thanks alot BARRY (Scott).

I got an email from an old pal of mine and they had used a word I hate. TAD. Here is a list of my most hated words. Please don't ever email me using them.

Titties
Panties
Tad
Touchy/feely
LOL!
Not!
CHILL!

If there are any words you hate please feel free to comment.

So I've finally got over my nobbish behaviour of the Wake on tuesday. Wake's are always dark drink-wise. Like I went to one when I was 21 cause my pal James Maynard had died. And I was so drunk my last memory was rolling around in the pub function room's garden with two greyhounds, feeling their noses to see if they were wet. When I discovered they were dry as a bone I launched myself on the unsuspecting revellers/mourners (cause lets face it, its mixed emotions at these things) in the function room demanding to know who the two dogs belonged to cause their noses were dry which meant they were ill. Leanne Diggins, crazy old psycho or animal do-gooder?

I'm currently listening to the show I presented on SW1 and I actually dedicate a song to dead Steve Irwin of Australia Zoo fame. I am so cool.

Tonight I was supposed to have a date but I've cancelled, I plan to do some more cillit banging instead. Tomorrow tiz Thames Clipper fun, Saturday partay, sunday drinks with a friend and Monday rolling around. OR maybe I'll go for a walk. Who knows.

Easter is well boring now ain't it. The only year I ever remember doing something was when I was a lovable rogue of around 14 and we went on an easter egg hunt. At this time I had a penchant for stealing mars bars from my local chemist. One day I stole a pair of sunglasses and felt really criminal-ly. I lost those glasses on the easter egg hunt. I knew that that was instant karma and never stole again. Except a protractor but I needed that for school so it don't count.

Much love to all of you. Even you.

SIGH! Another weekend of being a naughty cat. I got SO drunk on Friday night and was a big cock. Still, for the most part it was great fun. I distinctly remember when the subject of sambucas came up saying, "NO WAY" but all of a sudden there was one slipping down my throat. And then I think another two. Combined with Lager. HOWEVER, I didn't succumb to Pork Scratchings, so every cloud eh?

I did that thing where you go up to someone and say "I used to hate you but now your alright." And then went swaggering off as if I'd just said something nice. Then I went up and told someone I fancied them and was quite full on. Luckily at the time he was quite drunk and seemed to like me back. But JEEZ. Have you no shame Miss Leanne? Lads like it when you are all shy and vulnerable not oafishly shouting for their attention.

Suddenly I was in Coco in Camden and was thinking "What the hell am I doing here?" This is a club. So I said to who I was with, "Simon, what the hell are we doing here?" to which he replied "My name's not Simon its ---------" and I was like "Yeah whatever. I wanna go home." Sooo slick.

The next day I had work and one of my special hangovers. (in case you don't realise, these are diavomalemma ones) so it was extra hard work. But an early night soon sorted that out.

Sunday was more of the same, chores, work and then bed. I watched White Noise and that was a bad move cause for the first time since moving I worried about ghosts. Even though its a new build I thought "what happens if it was built on an ancient burial ground?" and other such silly things. Didn't get to sleep till like 1:30am and thats way past my bedtime.

Its the funeral tomorrow for Colin so I shan't be posting. However I shall be back to normal-ness on Wednesday.

Sunday, 16 March 2008

HEY! Checkout this short clip from our 4 star edinburgh show, A Night In Sandy Hole. In this clip, Precious has some time alone with the audience. There are also other clips of our show attached so check em out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG_GGa_N5vg

Latest two blogs. Oldest at bottom. WOW.

I've got to re-do the MTV voice-over adding the line "Ruby thursday, for people who pimp their plan." What does that mean? How can you pimp a plan. "Yeah you plan..... You er....you better go shag that er...verb. For money. "

I'm feeling quite jolly at the moment. I really do feel that things are starting to look up - I think its the smell of sweet sweet spring. Ah its times like this that I wish I had a little bunny.

So what have I got planned for the rest of the week? Well, luckily for me its pay day tomorrow, I am so skint and this weeks' dragged. I will also obtain some overtime in this month's pay packet so this all helps.

Being that its pay day we're all going out to Quinn's which is probably one ofthe best pubs in Camden Town now that PAT decided to leave the Oxford Arms. WHY PAT WHY!!? I loved the days when I went into the Oxford and Pat used to just get my Stella ready when he saw me crossing the road. Now I have to ASK for my drink. Unbelievable.

Quinns is run by Mr and Mrs Quinn I think and they're about 93 and very very nice. Also there is music and Pork Scratchings. Uh oh. I 'm on a diet and Scratchings are there. I can't help it, they're so trotter-y. Might also be another Whoppa experience. I say this though "If ya gonna fuck your diet up proper, why not do it with a Whoppa." Very true big fat devil on my shoulder.

Saturday and Sunday I have to do working. BOO. But think of the money. OK. Mmmmm Its all nice.

I have a date next week and this is someone I met at a disco on Saturday so I don't feel I can say about the 2 drink rule. The 2 drink rule is you have 2 drinks MAX on the date whether you like each other or not and this avoids awkwardness or shagging. Or both. Also it means if you don't like the person you have a get out of date jail free card. Would it be wrong/uptight to enforce this rule? Think on.

A girl at the station today had a conversation on her mob and she did a loud kiss noise into the phone at the end of the call and didn't go red. Weirdo. Maybe she did it on purpose.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

I've got a hangover.

Yesterday we had a toast to Colin at work and then I decided to go to the Chandos Pub to join the farewell and good luck drinks for Pappy's Fun Club (they're off to Melbourne). They don't do Stella in the Chandos. Instead I had what looked to be a YARD of ale which was ok cause by then my taste buds had had it anyway. Saw Caroline and Roisin. Roisin was off on holiday in like four hours - hope she made the plane.

I think I must've been quite drunk cause I remember telling Matthew that I'm Grade 5 on the clarinet which is true but why would he want to know that? Also, we discussed erratic sleep patterns. I need stuff distracting me when I go to bed, like the TV, radio (LBC) and/or a book. I'm getting sick of waking up to the "HOOBS" though. They're mental puppety things that are way too loud.

I fucked up my diet yesterday as well. Incidently I lost 1.5 pounds at Weight Watchers on Monday. This meant I had to take three marbles out of the marble pot at the weigh-in desk and embarrassingly drop them into another glass jar in the middle of the meeting room floor. I ate a Whoppa last night and chips and a sprite. GOD. What a piggy. When I got my Tesco delievery this morning it was mainly veg and fruit & I felt a fraud knowing what i'd trough'd the night before.

Pappy's also gave me some food for thought last night. They really like Catface Cabaret and they were disappointed to learn that I had no other shows booked at present. Brendon reckons I should do a couple of "one off's" in Edinburgh.... they just love that dance eh! What says you Blog readers? I think I should too. So, I need a new theatre for a start. Any ideas? Answers on email or on this blog.

I have to go and do two voiceovers in a minute fro MTV Belgium. The text is all in English except for three Belgian words. I keep accidently putting a HACKY sound on the word "Huis". Ya know like ya trying to get some gob up. But apparently I don't need the hack. My voice keeps going all June Sarpong like too. How irritating.

And finally,please take 2 seconds to follow the below link and sign my friend's petition. And if you've still got any energy, please forward this link to all the people you know who would also like to keep music and street performance alive. Thank you very much in advance. http://www.PetitionOnline.com/cov2008/petition.html [/url]

Latest two blogs. Oldest at bottom. WOW.

I've got to re-do the MTV voice-over adding the line "Ruby thursday, for people who pimp their plan." What does that mean? How can you pimp a plan. "Yeah you plan..... You er....you better go shag that er...verb. For money. "

I'm feeling quite jolly at the moment. I really do feel that things are starting to look up - I think its the smell of sweet sweet spring. Ah its times like this that I wish I had a little bunny.

So what have I got planned for the rest of the week? Well, luckily for me its pay day tomorrow, I am so skint and this weeks' dragged. I will also obtain some overtime in this month's pay packet so this all helps.

Being that its pay day we're all going out to Quinn's which is probably one ofthe best pubs in Camden Town now that PAT decided to leave the Oxford Arms. WHY PAT WHY!!? I loved the days when I went into the Oxford and Pat used to just get my Stella ready when he saw me crossing the road. Now I have to ASK for my drink. Unbelievable.

Quinns is run by Mr and Mrs Quinn I think and they're about 93 and very very nice. Also there is music and Pork Scratchings. Uh oh. I 'm on a diet and Scratchings are there. I can't help it, they're so trotter-y. Might also be another Whoppa experience. I say this though "If ya gonna fuck your diet up proper, why not do it with a Whoppa." Very true big fat devil on my shoulder.

Saturday and Sunday I have to do working. BOO. But think of the money. OK. Mmmmm Its all nice.

I have a date next week and this is someone I met at a disco on Saturday so I don't feel I can say about the 2 drink rule. The 2 drink rule is you have 2 drinks MAX on the date whether you like each other or not and this avoids awkwardness or shagging. Or both. Also it means if you don't like the person you have a get out of date jail free card. Would it be wrong/uptight to enforce this rule? Think on.

A girl at the station today had a conversation today and she did a loud kiss noise into the phone at the end of the call and didn't go red. Weirdo. Maybe she did it on purpose.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

I've got a hangover.

Yesterday we had a toast to Colin at work and then I decided to go to the Chandos Pub to join the farewell and good luck drinks for Pappy's Fun Club (they're off to Melbourne). They don't do Stella in the Chandos. Instead I had what looked to be a YARD of ale which was ok cause by then my taste buds had had it anyway. Saw Caroline and Roisin. Roisin was off on holiday in like four hours - hope she made the plane.

I think I must've been quite drunk cause I remember telling Matthew that I'm Grade 5 on the clarinet which is true but why would he want to know that? Also, we discussed erratic sleep patterns. I need stuff distracting me when I go to bed, like the TV, radio (LBC) and/or a book. I'm getting sick of waking up to the "HOOBS" though. They're mental puppety things that are way too loud.

I fucked up my diet yesterday as well. Incidently I lost 1.5 pounds at Weight Watchers on Monday. This meant I had to take three marbles out of the marble pot at the weigh-in desk and embarrassingly drop them into another glass jar in the middle of the meeting room floor. I ate a Whoppa last night and chips and a sprite. GOD. What a piggy. When I got my Tesco delievery this morning it was mainly veg and fruit & I felt a fraud knowing what i'd trough'd the night before.

Pappy's also gave me some food for thought last night. They really like Catface Cabaret and they were disappointed to learn that I had no other shows booked at present. Brendon reckons I should do a couple of "one off's" in Edinburgh.... they just love that dance eh! What says you Blog readers? I think I should too. So, I need a new theatre for a start. Any ideas? Answers on email or on this blog.

I have to go and do two voiceovers in a minute fro MTV Belgium. The text is all in English except for three Belgian words. I keep accidently putting a HACKY sound on the word "Huis". Ya know like ya trying to get some gob up. But apparently I don't need the hack. My voice keeps going all June Sarpong like too. How irritating.

And finally,please take 2 seconds to follow the below link and sign my friend's petition. And if you've still got any energy, please forward this link to all the people you know who would also like to keep music and street performance alive. Thank you very much in advance. http://www.PetitionOnline.com/cov2008/petition.html [/url]

Ah a weekend of fun, laughter and tears.

Saturday arvo I headed to Orpington and met my mate Steve in the White Hart - Leon showed up too. I was supposed to be heading to my mum and dad's for the family party next door were having. I drank 2 pints in the White Hart so was quite jolly by the time I got to the party. It was quite good fun - but I think my mum and dad were embarrassed of me. Oh well.

Sunday I did pretty much what I'd planned. Rolling around in my old single bed at my parent's house, remembering that I am 30 nearly and a BIG SPINSTER.
Father and I then went to Comet and we got me a new TV! Its flat screen with built in freeview. Its soooo cooool.

After this we went to visit my Nannie in the home. There's a really violent man there who's probably only about 60 so is quite tough. For some reason my face seems to aggravate mentally-violent people - and this case was no different. I heard a cufuffle and turned around and the man saw me and came storming towards me with a bitterly angry expression about his face. Luckily two nurses pounced on him and rugby tackled him away whilst I tried to keep my cool. I was thinking could I really punch an old man in the face? Well its me or you mate, and I choose me.

Reminded me of when there was a class at school, which was called The "Unit". One of the children (Steven) had Down's Syndrome and he used to beat us all up. He also spat on us randomly. I used to shit myself whenever I saw him. Another girl in the unit called Karen was also extremely violent. Anyway, one day Karen ran at me and my mate Rachel. We ran off to the toilets, and I went in one that locked and Rachel went into one with no lock, where you had to put the sanitary bin in the way. Karen kicked the door open and beat Rachel to within each of her life with her own Rainbow-Bright doll.

Anyway - enough regression to more violent days. This week I shall be going away for a bit. But I will try to keep up to date with the blog.