Hello from Australia.

Or G'day, as they say here. It's very hot at the moment, so I think that's why they say that.

Not many Australian people actually say that, but I've got a rule that I only talk to Australian people who start every sentance with 'G'day', and they have to have a hat with corks on. Otherwise what's the point of being Australian.

We flew here on an aeroplane. It takes nearly a whole day. You can watch Flubber starring Robin Williams nearly fifteen times in that time. There's a whole TV channel especially for watching Flubber nearly fifteen times. They turned it off before we landed, and the film was only half-way through, so I'll never know what happened at the end of the fifteenth time, which is a shame. If it's the same as the other fourteen, everything turned out okay, but I'll never know now. Unless I get the same seat on the way back.

We're doing the Melbourne International Comedy Festival here in Melbourne, which is in Australia. Big Howard is "Jet Lagged", which means he is allowed to be grumpy because he's got an excuse.

We've got a couple of days to recover, and do interviews on things, before we start doing our show. The festival runs from the 19th of March to the 13th of April. And after that we're going to be in Aukland, and after that we are going to be on holiday, and then we are going to be in Taupo.

Nothing much has happened so far, appart from Big Howard eating a lot of Sushi, and freshly-squeezed fruit juice. He says its very good for him. I'm sure that's why he eats so much of it.

Other Comedians that are here are David O'Doherty, who is a very funny Irish man, Josie Long, who isn't an Irish man, Des Bishop, who isn't Jon Bishop, but Big Howard keeps thinking he is. Pappy's Fun Club are here too. They went to the same university as Big Howard, which is nice, as they always have something boring to talk with him about. Reginal D Hunter is here too, and Christian Shaal. They are both American, but I don't think from the same bit of American. Nina Conti is here too, with her monkey Monk. We haven't seen them yet. Also Ross Noble and Daniel Kitson are here, but they're not here yet, if they are they're not right here, which is good, because it would be very rude typing this, as I haven't seen them for ages.

I've got to go now because I'm dictating this to my friend over the phone to my friend in England, and Big Howard's mobile phone is running out of batteries.

Little Howard

Hello! This has taken ages to do, but Big Howard has finally got the clip of me and him on This Morning onto YouTube.

Here it is. The first bit is a bit rubbish, because I'm not on it, but it picks up towards the end.

BIG HOWARD: If we told you how we did the technical side of this, we'd have to kill you

It was very nice to meet Fern and Philip. And obviously it was very good "PR" to go on a TV show this big, just before we leave the country for two months.

Hello!

This is my blog, which is like a diary, but it's spelt "B.L.O.G", not how Diary's spelt, which I don't know. How do you spell diary Big Howard?

BIG HOWARD: "Diary".

Big Howard is typing everything I say, which means there might be some spelling mistakes. It's better than me typing, because when I do it, it doesn't work. I tap the keys and concentrate really hard on the right words coming out. For ages I thought it was working, but I couldn't check, because I can't read. Here's a sample from my last blog:

LITTLE HOWARD'S SELF-TYPED BLOG: ALJFPOIE vkj eoipau lkdkl jakj;lfjepoiua;kjl d fjkai ekjdk aljk; f pekl;ja ipuodkj;l apiu ejfau vkaiopaou 38uq830 f u0iqipoj rl;kj asdkj fui akl;j euia kb kjadopi ureji alkj cjk adj djk aepoiu j ab knl;adl kwqiouqpjokd l;kaj b;j kaiupoeuipqp dkl;aj

BIG HOWARD: It's like that because he's six. He's not retarded.

That post was about when Big Howard wouldn't let me get a kitten. I was quite angry, as you can probably tell.

BIG HOWARD: the blog was very popular with fans of JRR Tolkien, someone translated it. Apparently it was a dialenct of Elvish. When translated Little Howard's Blog was just a diatribe saying that Tom Bomberdill was a bell-end, and he's glad he was cut out of the film version

What's a "Bell-end?"

BIG HOWARD: It's the end of a bell.

Like the knocker?

BIG HOWARD: Yes, but the bell's a boy... erm... tell them about that other blog that someone wrote without asking permission.

Yes. Someone did a blog of me once, without asking our permission and Big Howard said they spelt every single word wrong - how did they do it Big Howard?

BIG HOWARD: It was like "Helo, mi naem iss Litle Hawad. Wellcum too mi blooog" - it's actually really hard to type like that!

Yes, and Big Howard did a joke saying "He's six, he's not Chaucer", which I didn't get.

BIG HOWARD: Trust me, it was both very funny, and very clever

We've tried writing blogs before, but it's really hard working out how to do it, because I'm only six and I can't read or write propperly. This is how we've decided to do it. We'll probably get lots of posts saying how everyone hates us, which would be nice, because that hardly ever happens on Chortle.

We're not at home at the moment, so we can't put up any pictures or films.

The blog will mainly be about our trips to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, and the New Zealand International Comedy Festival.

But the next post will be about when we went on This Morning with Fern and Phil this week.

BIG HOWARD: When I can find the right wires to copy a VHS onto YouTube on my mother-in-law's neolithic computer

Did you just do a mother-in-law joke?

BIG HOWARD: More of a "mother-in-law sentance."

Is that what you call it when you have to go and visit?

BIG HOWARD: Now THAT was a mother-in-law joke.

Good.

erm... bye!

Footage of Little Howard on This Morning...