21/12/07
What I wanted to say to a heckler -
Categories: Tough ol' gig tonight. A private gig for about 40 teachers, who'd been drinking for about 5 hours, and were supporting 3 of their own who'd done a stand-up comedy course. Then they have a meal and some more wine, and then I come on for half an hour. As the compere got up to introduce me, saying they've got one more act to come, someone heckled, "But we've peaked." Never was a truer heckle spoken. So I ploughed through. After, the man holding the cheque, before he handed it over, engaged me in conversation. I had to humour him until he'd pay me, so alas our conversation went like this:
Punter: "You're very fast. I missed some of your punchlines because I was chatting to my friend. You should have paused more to let us do that. Some of your jokes were too clever, really. So I missed lots of those. That's why people were chatting."
Me: "Oh, well, you do what you can... A lot of people were enjoying it... You win some, lose some... Well, a lot of wine was drunk..." and other cliches.
What was racing through my head - what I wanted to say - was:
Me in my head: "Oh I'm sorry, I was too clever for you. You couldn't keep up. You want me to dumb down, I see. Aim more at your level. Well unfortunately they didn't give me a survey of IQs on the way in. If I'd known I'd have dropped the multi-syllabic words and just alluded to genitalia - sorry - "got my cock out" - understand that? Yeah, next time I must stoop to your intellectual level. Next time, if you see me at a gig, let me know you're in the audience, and I'll lower the comedy a little just for you, and praps lose the jokes that need your attention for more than 2 seconds, and instead just show you a big picture of a horsey, doing a poo. Now give me the cheque."
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