So, now that we have all recovered from getting misty eyed at my beautiful blog entry yesterday, why not join me now for a thunderously fast and bumpy ride back down to Earth?

Tonight was the worst night of my 2006 fringe. I was going to put "so far" but I really can't see it getting any worse than that.

Started quite well today did though. I went down to the Gilded Balloon and did a really enjoyable radio interview with Festival FM (despite the ungodly hour - Midday for fuck's sake!) then I went and had lunch with my mum in Bonsai before coming back home for a few hours sleep.

Then I went to do my show.

God, I tried to do material. I mean, I really fucking did. Here are the highlights;

1. Stupid girl in front row brings one of those tubes that you turn upside down to make a cow noise.

2. She makes it moo constantly as I try to begin.

3. I confiscate it and keep it onstage.

4. She produces another one and repeats point 2.

5. Some students start getting mouthy.

6. I try and fail to get two of them to go out with each other.

7. One of the female students says she doesn't like my hair.

8. I drag one of the male students backstage, introduce him from the offstage mic and sit and watch him try and do 5 minutes. I find myself with my shirt off (I have no idea how or why this happened but I do recall trying to get the lad to 'milk' me...)

9. An old man starts being mouthy and talking about how he lives in a home as a joke.

10. Old mans wife leans to woman next to her to say the show is rubbish. The woman next to her happens to be my mum.

11. I try to start show.

12. Old man does his 'living in a home joke' again.

13. And again.

14. And again.

15. And again. Exactly the same joke by the way...

16. And again.

17. And again.

18. I open side door to my venue and shout out a request for a 'proper' comedian to come and do my show (secretly praying that Ed Byrne may still be knocking about...).

19. Girl with cow noise tube gets fed up with not having attention and grabs my lightsaber off the stage, swinging it about and basically being a cunt.

20. I pick up girls bag and fling it through the open door (we are relieved of her presence for a Utopian three minutes whilst she goes to retrieve it).

21. I have my head in my hands both figuratively and emotionally.

22. I vocally pray that there are no journalists in.

23. Man in front row reveals himself to be a reviewer from The Scotsman.

24. Old man from 'The Home' starts to berate and threaten the reviewer, saying he won't get home safe.

25. I find myself defending The Scotsman newspaper despite them calling me "shit" last year. Actually I was defending the reviewer as he really hadn't done anything wrong.

26. Cow woman starts goading me with the fact that she also has tickets for the Free Beer Show and is going to sit in the front there too.

Oh, you get the idea, I don't want to log any more of it, doing so is beginning to genuinely upset me in real life.

To quote my alter ego the erstwhile Mr Peacock Proper - "it was a fucking car crash".

Were there any positives? Erm...well. The reviewer came backstage afterwards and told me that if I didn't want him to review it he wouldn't. He reassured me that he'd only write positive things about the show and the fact that I did everything anyone could have done to remedy an impossible situation. I told him my concern was that I didn't want people coming to my show expecting more of the same, as that really isn't what it was about this year - that was the whole point of doing it "Out Of Character". He said he understood, and I told him that it was his call and we shook hands.

I appreciated him doing that - he needn't have come backstage - he could have scurried off into the night and destroyed my show in print. Of course, there's no guarantee he won't do that anyway BUT he did give me the right of reply and went out of his way I felt to reassure me.

The cow woman WAS at the Free Beer Show (which is more than some of the acts were). She was still making her cow noise like a...well..retard (apologies - too tired to work out the PC word for this).

It wasn't funny - it really upset me. I sometimes think that some audience members think that comedians just disappear into thin air when a show is over, and that we don't have feelings. Heckling I can handle all day, even when it is agressive etc. I like a gig fight as much as the next man, but to just be irritated whilst trying to do your job...I'll be honest, I'm having difficulty putting into words what I am trying to say which, I know, kind of defeats the idea of a blog but there we go. I just feel generally that the wind has been knocked out of my sails tonight by the inconsiderate actions of inconsiderate people.

Even when I smashed the cow noise thing to smithereens by stamping on it at the Free Beer Show I couldn't feel entirely liberated.

I know from experience that she has another one.