29/08/06
I knew this day would come -
Categories: Right.
I knew this day would come, I swore I wouldn't let it upset me.
There was an air of resignation before I even set foot in the Hut last night. I sat with Julie (one of the Hut staff) and listened to her walkie-talkie churn out excruciatingly low audience figures for everyone. Fuck that. When I got into the venue still feeling rough as fuck, I was confronted by Jen and Gareth (the other two Hut staff) playing with cheapo lightsabers. I had a lightsaber in my show - that's why they had them. Everyone that has seen my lightsaber has become obsessed with it. I actually have two (we got one as a spare and swapped them over mid-way through the run). They are currently in a van ploughing it's way down the M6 by my estimation.
I should say thankyou to the people who have inhabited Edinburgh with me this year...
The staff at The Hut were an absolute pleasure to be around. With respect to the others I've met in my time, I have never had a more supportive group of people to meet me at the venue on a daily basis. They were so cool and have been a major part of my fringe experience - wouldn't wish to lose touch with any of them, but one of the saddest things about this fringe thing is how fleeting everything is. In fact, that's a sad thing about working in entertainment generally. You meet friends for life that last a few weeks. But, as I can, and if any of them happen to read this, I'd like to say, Jen, Julie and Gareth you have been a pleasure to be around and I sincerely thankyou guys for being so kind and cool and funny and supportive. xxx.
The Avalon team - in particular Simon Streeting and my manager James, Many thanks for tolerating me xxx
On the subject of tolerance, Jenny, for letting me stay with her away from the trappings of the fringe for no money and just ocassionally going to the shop, and - importantly - for having no interest whatsoever in comedy (this is very good thing for when I am believing it is the most important thing in the world) - thankyou xxx
The other person I wish to draw attention to is Kat (my lady at the back of the room with buttons). When I got home last night I realised with regret that by not doing the final show I had been unable to thank Kat from the stage. Some shows do that from beginning to end, every night of a run, but I've always found that a bit crap. The signalling to the back of the room so the audience can applaud someone who has turned a light on and off always jars with me. If they have been operating a highly technical show then maybe, but not for a straight stand up show. I'm sure Kat would be the first person to say that my show this year was no stretch for someone of her ability. In fact, it's a bit of an insult to have someone like Kat operating a show that requires next to no operating (and I know how good she is because she operated my show last year which did have some light and sound cues). Thing is though, she's been wonderful. This has been an emotional experience for me at times, doing something different to what I have normally done up here and being alone on the stage night after night. As I've said before on here, seeing her at the back of the room has always left me feeling less on my own. She doesn't like that, that whole thing of being a 'constant' but it's tough shit because that's what she's been and I'm glad she was there. She hasn't pandered to my ego, she hasn't been patronising or a yes-(wo)man, she's gauged me just right (which is no mean feat) and...well...yes...she's cool. A delightful imp, thankyou Nugent xxx
So.
I don't really know how to sum all this up. I've had brilliant audience figures and rubbish ones, I had brilliant audiences and rubbish ones. I met people in my shows who re-ignited my love for my job, and I met people in my shows that made me feel there was no point even trying. I wanted to prove that I was never 'hiding' behind a character with Ray Peacock, I wanted to prove I could cut it in a show on my own, but that was actually about me. Who was I trying to prove it to if not myself? The thing is, I don't really know why professionally I brought a show up here, and that's been my overall lesson. I need some sort of direction to point myself in and that's the next important step. I can't carry on treading water, I want some sort of goal with all this comedy bollocks. And please don't think there is going to be some revelatory moment now on here because I haven't worked out what that goal is. One step at a time, I'm being big enough to acknowledge the need, I'm not going to reveal the plan. Just be grateful with how much I've given you.
I had a fucking cool poster too, eh?
Anyway - I'm going. There'll be more tears if I carry on.
Sincerely thankyou for reading this if you have. If you haven't - you should have. And don't forget - I'm on "Doctors" on September 14th. I'll probably win awards for it or something. I really am that good. There'll be one more quickie post straight after this - same as I put in the "My Edinburgh" piece last year but as relevant as always. It fucks up the 45 posts thing I wanted so badly but, well, it's worth it...
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