18/10/06
Another Film Review & Gay Simon -
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I'm so not in the mood to write this blog today, but as it is this or moping about, I am opting for this.
I will now tell you what I have been up to.
Here it comes now.
Last night I went to the cinema again. I felt that after my scathing yet expertly written review of "World Trade Centre" (God, it was rubbish) I should pursue further film reviews just in case somebody wants me to do it professionally (which I would be fucking brilliant at by the way) but in order to do that I would have to see more films at the cinema. So last night I went to see "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning".
I thought it was good. Bit full on from time to time, but I liked it.
Yeah, that'll do for that review.
Today I was just about managing to get in some sleep this afternoon when I was rudely awoken by my mobile phone. I've recently taken to turning my mobile phone off from time to time as I had pinpointed it as a source of stress for me. It's kind of a double-edged sword though, as I have found that turning it back on again and getting no messages adds equal anxiety. How does that work? How can either your phone not stopping ringing or nobody calling you make you depressed? Can't bloody win me.
Anyway, today my phone was left on and, like I say, it rang this afternoon. It was Simon Streeting. Now, if you recall, Simon had something to do with my Edinburgh Fringe show. I'm not entirely sure myself what it was, but it had something to do with planning or technical stuff or something. He was calling me as this evening he was working on the touring stage show of "Grumpy Old Women" which today arrived at the St Albans Arena (which is where I live - St Albans - not the Arena - I don't need that much space). As I haven't seen Simon since we bade each other goodbye on the final night of the Fringe, I thought it would be nice to go down and see him. He's always good value is Simon, and is rarely without some sort of gossipy story. I walked down into town (yes - walked...it's fucking three miles or so but I am kind of athletic these days) to meet him.
We went for a drink in a pub called The Cock, which - if you knew Simon - seemed as appropriate as any, and he brought me up to date with all his news, and told me about all the girls he has been going out with. This took no time as there were none. I have tried on many many occasions to sort Simon out with a girl but even my considerable charm with the ladies hasn't been able to swing it for him. He steadfastly maintains that he isn't gay. I have seen people wide-eyed with shock when he has announced this claim.
I think he's great. I first met Simon when I was in "The Comedy Zone" at the festival in 2002 and have mercilessly ripped on him consistently ever since. He sometimes gets angry but that makes me do it more. Every now and then he gets so angry that he hits me, but it is worth it to see the look of abject fear on his face when he realises what he has done and that it will mean he has to pay the price. I have slapped Simon hard across the face more times than I care to remember. Don't know what it is, he just brings out the bully in me.
In fact, I think it does go back to "The Comedy Zone". I was late for the technical rehearsal (very unlike me - I don't like being late and get myself very worked up when I am), and he had a real go at me when I finally arrived. Now, I could have been apologetic when I saw how angry he was, but there was something about his stupid contorted face that really made me laugh. I decided there and then that Simon Streeting would be my bitch till the day he died. He took verbal hammerings off me (or I suppose technically the "character" of Ray) from the stage every single night of that year's "Comedy Zone", especially when he used to flash a stupid little light at me to tell me I was overrunning (again). During last year's "Edinburgh and Beyond" tour (which he was Tour Manager of - a fact that actually made me cry with happiness when I found it out) I was able to abuse him in theatres up and down the land and on the tour bus as well. The one and only reason I called shotgun was because I wanted to be as close as possible to Simon (who was driving it) in order to maximise the bullying opportunities. There was a button on the dashboard that made the seats go hot. Can you imagine how annoyed he got at around the three thousandth time I pressed it?
Yet I am protective over him. For example, during the technical rehearsal for "Ray Peacock & Son" at the 2005 fringe, a member of staff at the venue (who shall remain nameless but we all know which cunt I am on about) came in and started having a pop at Simon. It was done in such a way as to belittle him in front of all the people that were there. I wasn't fucking having that. First off, I knew what this person was saying about Simon was untrue as I had been present when he did what this other person said he didn't, and second off, nobody - and I mean fucking nobody - belittles Simon Streeting other than me. He is my whipping boy, if other people want one then they need to put in the hours that I have, not just come swanning into a room and starting. Can't believe I'm still angry about that over a year later...
Anyway, that's enough personal stuff about Simon Streeting. I know that he is reading this in a hotel in Reading (which he will probably complain in - he always complains - it's one of the most hilarious things you could ever see and, again, it gets funnier the more upset he gets) and he'll be getting all worked up, so I shall say as conclusion, despite all my brilliant japes, there is nobody better at their job than that lad and I love him dearly.
After our drink and some 'chunky chips' I accompanied him back to the theatre to sit in on the sound check. Had a brief yet lovely chat with Jenny Eclair (who co-wrote and co-stars in the show) and we discussed my Edinburgh experience. I was trying to explain that I had enjoyed it, yet felt it slipping away during the final week. She was telling me that her daughter has just completed her second fringe and that she (Jenny) had told her that the Fringe would provide some of the best and worst days of her life. That's about as concise a conclusion as can be made about the Fringe, and it was certainly the case for me during this year's August. I'm starting to feel though that I'd rather have a rollercoaster than stability. There's something awfully predictable about stability, I'm sort of a fan of the times that the heart pounds, in both a good and bad way. It has something to do with passion I think.
I don't know.
I'll have to think about it some more.
And on that note, I'm fucking off.
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