06/11/06
Big And Daft (Part Three) -
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Ahem...in my opinion;
Going up to Edinburgh is expensive - no revelation there - but you have to bear in mind that at this point, our only experience of Edinburgh was with a fifty quid profit, so getting a statement through saying we owed thousands was quite a shock.
Actually - "quite" doesn't even begin to do it justice.
The thing is, you should have your accounts presented to you before the fringe begins, with every conceivable outcome. Of course you kid yourself that the worse case scenario won't be the actual case (although it's usually a damn site closer than the nice numbers at the top), but you should be made aware of the financial risk.
Not only had we not been presented with accounts by our management before the fringe, we had also been told (when we tried to double check) that we would "not have to write a cheque". I know I mentioned this in my last post, but it's very important so I am mentioning it again because on our return from Scotland in 2000 that was essentially what we were being asked to do.
The goalposts had not only been moved, they appeared to be in another fucking ground.
There was a state of panic. Real Talent had got wind of the fact that we were more than likely on our way, and we were certain that this was why we were suddenly getting debt statements through. I had begun writing the third part of the Big And Daft trilogy whilst still up at the fringe, but we were becoming used to the idea that there may be no third part after all.
The three of us had a meeting.
It wasn't just the cash thing though - we felt that our interests weren't being best served. The BBC deal had collapsed. We had been asked to work with a new producer and our manager had seen that as an opportunity to fold on the deal. With the benefit of experience one can see how stupid this was, but at the time we just kept being told to 'trust' him. He kept on saying that he had a long term plan for us. If his long term plan was to destroy our collective career then he made good on his promise. I have heard the phrase "slowly up slowly down" used many times in the entertainment business, and I believe it holds a great deal of merit, but you do have to be moving. Slowly - yes - but moving nevertheless. This was the problem Jon and I were having with Real Talent. We were doing nothing.
Rob, as I said last time, was pretty happy with the state of his stand up career. During the meeting when Jon and I announced our intention to get the fuck out, Rob dropped his bombshell. He was staying. He would come with us for Big And Daft, as he was no more happy with the state of play with that than we were, but he was leaving his stand up management where it was.
I remember staring speechless at Rob for the longest time, then at Jon. I'm not sure where we were but it was in London and we were outside a pub, sat at a beer keg that was being a table. Jon shook his head and scowled with resignation as only he could. I had one last stab at appealing to Rob's sensibilities, trying to put it in simple terms. If a decorator fucks up your bathroom, you don't then let him do your kitchen. Rob was always too keen to try to please everyone.
We went into the Real Talent office by Goodge Street and Jon and I stated our case and intention. It was heated and, at times, emotional. We expressed our disappointments, and made it very clear that we didn't feel that we (as in Big And Daft) were ever made aware of any potential debt and so were not accountable for it. There was little of the defiance that we had charged ourselves up for, just an empty feeling. There were flashes of anger. I think in our heart of hearts we already knew that we had missed the chance for Big And Daft, that's where the angry bits were coming from. We'd invested a lot of love, time and care in Big And Daft. It felt as though our baby had been mugged.
Jon and I left the office for the very last time and went to the pub. Rob stayed to have a 'chat'. I can remember the feeling in the pub was what it must be like to know your girlfriend is being fucked by somebody else at that exact moment. Jon and I said very little to each other. What happened with Rob thereafter at Real Talent is not my story to tell, but he wasn't there much longer.
At the time I was severely pissed with Rob over that. I felt like he should have stood shoulder to shoulder with us and didn't. Thing is, it was never a lack of loyalty to us, more that thing I said about him trying to keep everyone happy. I've always maintained it's as endearing as it is annoying.
I buried myself in writing the final fringe show. It had initially been suggested (by Real Talent) that we produce a Christmas show for the Soho theatre in 2000. However, the deal with the Soho theatre wasn't put together properly - in fact, it wasn't put together at all. When we found out it wasn't going ahead the confirmed cast had consisted of the three of us, Trevor Lock, Count Arthur Strong & Terry Titter, and Johnny Vegas as Father Christmas.
I know I know...Doesn't bear thinking about does it?
So we decided that we would do a Christmas show the following August in Edinburgh. Fuck the seasons, we'd work around it.
The script I had written for the Soho theatre was an hour and a half long. It also had an interval in it, so no sooner had I written it, I was cutting massive chunks from it. It was heartbreaking in many ways - especially taking out the roles that were written for Count Arthur and Terry (they were to play some of Santa's helpers). We still didn't even know how we were going to get the show up there as we had no management and no cash, but then a call came through from Karushi asking if we would like to meet.
It took twenty minutes in a pub in Clapham for me and Jon to sign our third show to Karushi promotions.
It was the promise of the tour straight after that swung it really.
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