10/12/06
Lincoln Drill Hall -
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As I believe I mentioned earlier, at this time of the year I feel gigs tend to become a bit of a rule unto themselves. Not that gigs aren't anyway, but more so.
It is for this reason that I tend not to bother myself with corporate stuff during the festive period. In the last week alone I have turned down a gig during a boxing match and an after dinner thing for army people, either one of which would have paid for my entire Christmas shopping but may have resulted in me losing the will to live, possibly during my act. With hindsight I thought that maybe the 'character' act of 'Ray Peacock' would have been an option, but it has been so long since I donned the cap that this would have presented it's own stresses. Perhaps I am just losing my bottle, perhaps I have become snobbish about it...if the wolf had gotten nearer the door I may have just said yes, but I have worked hard to get to a point where I can, to some extent, turn stuff down.
I am the same with telly stuff. My management have long since given up on asking me to go to castings for adverts, and no I'm not being all Bill Hicks about it - I did do one once, I just don't enjoy the cattle market casting process of adverts, and they really offer no challenge to me. I went to far too many where I came out of them thinking it was their fault that they had not seen me at my best. In fact, I was discussing this in the car with Isy Suttie the other day when we did Lancaster University. It was during one of the short moments of time that she chose not to fall a-fucking-sleep whilst I drove us both to and from the gig.
We both felt that at the gig the audience had contributed nothing to the evening, and that it felt like they hadn't even been expecting comedians to be on the stage. Don't get me wrong, the gig was fine, but it could have been brilliant if they had met us half way. And so the conversation got round to castings and we both agreed that there was nothing worse than being at a casting where you feel that the people judging you aren't meeting you half way and thus prevent you from actually showing what you are capable of. It seems like a ludicrous way of finding the best person for the job, and I know that from my point of view, if one of the skills required for a role is performing under the scrutiny of someone apparently indifferent to you, then I don't want the fucking job thankyou very much. It can't be a coincidence that the three castings that resulted in success for me this year were also the three castings where I felt the people casting it genuinely tried (and succeeded) in creating an audition environment that enabled applicants to shine.
I know you may be looking up at the title of this post by now and wondering what the fuck this has to do with Lincoln Drill Hall, but it's on the way, don't panic.
See, I performed at Lincoln Drill Hall the other night, with that shitty Winchester gig still in my mind, and thought that I may as well write off the year as the audiences had turned. It was lovely to be surprised, the hall was filled (few hundred) and they were a pleasure to talk to. So how do I gauge my ability? A. Entertaining with ease three hundred plus normal people or B. standing in a staring competition with twenty mostly sullen humourless arts students?
I'm going to go for A, Chris.
It was such a pleasure to play. There was a lot of banter, I was sexually assaulted on stage by a gay man who wished to demonstrate to me what being a 'little spoon' constitutes in a relationship (I really hope that was his keys that I could feel against my arse), I saw the nipple of a girl in the front row who swore it was an accident but I don't believe that for a second, and we had a long drawn out chat with a gentleman who boasted of having threesomes and went on to list his job as "head of oral excellence" at (wait for it) Siemens. I was so happy I did some breakdancing. To be honest I had been looking for an excuse to do it given that the stage was so big. My resultant laboured breathing and shooting pains revealed to the audience that I hadn't indulged in it for a while (since the last Saturday of the Fringe at the Free Beer Show), but fuck it was worth it.
So maybe I have misjudged the general mood towards Christmas. I really should keep reminding myself that you can never completely judge a room until you have finished your journey up to the microphone...they may just surprise you.
That gig may have sneaked into my top three for the year. You'll have to wait to find out - I am going to be listing my top three good gigs and my top three shit gigs of the year on here soon. I will probably do my favourite films of the year too, given that I have been lax in keeping you up to date with my cinema going, and I know how much you love my film reviews. Actually, I'll just tell you some now, I saw "The Departed" (that was okay, but should have ended half an hour before it did), I saw "Saw III" (which was just stupid, but with hindsight I think I might have enjoyed it in a way), and I saw "Borat" (made me laugh a few times). So that's good to know if you are looking for something to see at Christmas (although I think only "Borat" is still on). I wanted to see "Hollywoodland" but it appears to have finished now. Or maybe it's not come out yet. I think it looks good, but that isn't an official review because like I say I haven't actually seen it yet.
In dvd news I have watched "Xmen 3" (that was quite good), "Clerks II" again (faultless - in fact, fuck it - that's my film of the year. If you have a dvd player that can play region one then order it from the America right now because it's not out here for a while - it is a beautiful movie and if you don't like it then there is something just not right in your genetic and emotional make up - you don't need to have seen "Clerks" but really you should watch that too if you haven't), "Superman II - The Richard Donner Cut" (excellent stuff - a film that may never have seen the light of day yet worth the wait) and "Rocco meats Trinity" (might be a bit strong for some folk, and the second half of it with the anonymous orgy is just boring, but the first half hour is smashing).
And that's it for today.
I need to go now, because I am really starting to worry that I haven't done enough work on this sitcom thing that me and Steve Morrison are writing together. He's been on holiday and he's gonna go mental at me if he gets back and I've not done anything.
And if he is reading this blog in Egypt or wherever he's gone then...ha ha...only joking...ha ha...I've done loads of work Steve...ha ha...it'll all be here waiting when you get back...ha ha ha...shit.
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