25/12/06
Go on then... -
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Go on then, I'll do you one on Christmas day if nobody else is going to do it. But can we let it be known that I did this years Christmas Chortle Blogs Speech and somebody else can do next years...
So, Happy thing and that. Hope you got everything you wanted and stuff.
I'm rubbish at Christmas, once the presents have been opened I just haven't got the heart for it. I think it might be because I find receiving gifts really difficult. Well, not difficult, I just always look like I don't like them and ever since learning this I now go out of my way to make a big fuss about gifts as I open them and do my best pleased acting. Last night I caught myself saying out loud "ooh that's great - I like The Beatles" which is something a parent would say to a child who had bought a completely misjudged gift, but I was keen that nobody be offended.
And I have done brilliantly on the present front - far better than anyone else in the world.
Have you got a top-of-the-range dvd recorder that's been illegally chipped to play mutli-region discs? I don't think so. I have.
Have you got that new limited edition Rocky Horror collectors tin in the shape of Patricia Quinns lips? I don't think so. I have.
Have you got a pair of beautiful brown DC trainers? I don't think you have, have you? I have.
Or a lovely black i-Station? No? I have.
Or a massive glass framed poster of Clerks? Read it and weep...you jealous?
Do you have a red leather Roberts retro DAB radio? (this question is not open to any other Avalon clients) It's right in front of me right now.
Or some...erm...gloves? Oh, you get the idea. You probably have got gloves...I should have left my gloating at the radio.
I got books and dvds and money and sweets and stuff as well - just in case anyone reads this and says "did you not like the jelly babies then?".
I was really upset to hear that Charlie Drake had died (and upset again today - a lot - when the hardest working man in showbusiness finally put his feet up). In all the articles I read about Charlie Drake over the last day or so, there has been mention of him being 'difficult' which then went on to 'validate' this assessment with the story of him refusing to change his act for television.
If this is being difficult then fucking hats off to being difficult.
After the amount of comedians - and I mean artists that I really respect as performers and know have a valid 'voice' - that I have watched through my fingers spouting watered down bollocks on television list shows over the past few days, I wish more people would be 'difficult' and have a bit of respect for themselves and their talent. When I read about Charlie Drake telling the staff at The Ed Sullivan Show to get fucked after their request that he change an act he had honed over years to near-perfection through hard graft I want to cheer. That he didn't just give in to the 'need' to just be on the telly - doing anything, just as long as he was on there - is how it should be in my mind. Each to their own I suppose, but the idea of chasing any television exposure and, I suspect, a few quid more doesn't sit well with me.
And I've heard all the arguments - it's like the thing where comics do more than one gig a night, I have just simply never understood this. This job is well paid - even the shit paid gigs are more money then you would get in most 'normal' jobs for an hours work. It's just greed. I was speaking to a comic at a gig a few weeks ago who was saying they had been on with such-and-such comedian the night before and that person had been doing four gigs that night. Four fucking gigs! That's just ridiculous. And then the comic I was speaking with said, "Yeah but don't forget - so-and-so has two children now"...
AND?
What the fuck is so-and-so feeding them? Not only is it greedy, but it dillutes ability and takes gigs away from others who are just as deserving.
I appear to be having a rant...
I'll stop now, after all today isn't a day for chastising my whoreish, 'fame'-hungry contemporaries for jumping through demeaning hoops at the command of lazy TV producers (how come I'm never asked to be on these shows any more?), today is a day for celebration and love and respect. And of course to remember the birth of...erm...thingy...Cliff Richard is it? I forget. Well whoever it was, I am sure they were dead good and an inspiration to us all to lead better lives and all that bollocks.
So may I wish you a very happy holiday time, and send you my best wishes and that.
I told you I was rubbish at Christmas. I just want to go and play with my presents.
Please don't burgle me.
Love xxx
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