30/12/06
Some things from my mind and recent memory -
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Can't be bothered planning today's entry. Believe it or not - I usually do.
Instead, here are some things that I have been doing.
On Boxing Day I went to my friends house and had a lightsaber duel. This was about the most exciting thing I have ever done, and the fact that it was with a 5 year old child (my friend's nephew) who was simply never going to beat me only serves to make it better. Add to this the fact that some of it took place on a moving stairlift and can you think of a better way to spend Boxing Day? I have some pictures of it but don't know how to put them up. Suffice to say that the best part of having long scruffy hair like I have at the moment is it really lends itself to the portrayal of a dark Jedi.
The best part of it was when I had managed to get his rubbish cheapo lightsaber off him and had my very expensive proper lightsaber up against his neck. I have two very expensive proper lightsabers, but opted to use the red one as I was being Darth Boldsworth. The sheer look of terror on his face was incredible as I said "You are beaten", and I think that's what Christmas is all about really.
Terrorising children I mean.
I considered telling him I was his father (oooh, aren't I 'hack'?), but thought I'd perhaps mentally scarred him enough in the duel. He was scared for a bit and then he grabbed the 'blade' of my lightsaber and moved it away from him whilst saying "it's not real" (I think as much to himself as anybody else).
If somebody had come around to my house at Christmas with a proper lightsaber (like my one) and taken me on in a duel when I was five, and not patronised me by letting me win, then it would have been the greatest day of my life.
What I am saying is, this Christmas I made sure a five year old had the best day of his life. Start the queue ladies.
In contrast to such brilliant games, today I have spent the day in a hospital (not for me, don't worry). Actually it was two hospitals with another to look forward to tomorrow.
I have spent more time in hospitals for different reasons this year than one of those bald children (that may not be entirely true) and I am fucking sick of them. Just for the record - sick to fucking death of them. This evening part of the hospital fun was seeing a gentleman who had been in a car crash (in which three people were admitted dead on arrival - one of whom may have been wheeled past me - not sure - I managed to look away smartish) and being hassled by a druggie bloke outside A&E (who, I later found out from one of the nurses, had called ambulances out on 26 occasions so far in December alone).
The problem I have with hospitals is that, despite the magnificent and brave profile that I publicly project, I am incredibly sqeamish and prone to fainting in such environments. I can watch horror films all day happily, but once it's real I just can't handle it at all. I think this comes from my dad - who despite being a Northern no-nonsense brick shithouse (who the original character of Ray Peacock was based on - but don't tell him - it's a secret) is as soft as shite when there is blood about. For example, my brother once split his head open whilst climbing a wall looking for me when he was little (I'd gone to the scouts - it was a Friday), and whilst he was having his stitches at hospital my dad dropped like a sack of shit. He'd managed to get him to the hospital and stem the blood, but once my brother was 'okay' and in safe hands, my dad was away with the fairies.
And that's the same as me - fine at the time of the emergency - actually rather effectual as it goes - but once there is a moment to take a breath and I realise I am no longer needed to help, my head gives up and down I go. I haven't fainted today like, as I said there is another visit due tomorrow so it will probably be after that. I'm almost looking forward to it, now that I have resigned myself to it happening.
Other than that I have been spending time putting together the Christmas gift that I promised everyone who reads this blog who sent me their address (if you haven't sent yours, you'd better get a move on because they are being posted on 2nd January 2007), making dvd covers, filling out quizzes on MySpace and driving round the M25 looking for adventures.
And that's it for now, almost for the year in fact.
My next post will be about my best and worst gigs of 2006 (struggling to get it down to three on both of them - so may make it five), and then that's your lot for this year.
Cannot believe that none of you took the time out to send me a present at Christmas. After all I have given you this year - my heart and soul, not to mention my oft-hilarious pretend-uneducated scrawl.
If anyone wants to send me a picture of their bosoms or something then I will accept this as compensation (not you mum - and the person that sent me the picture after my similar request in August can just resend that one as I left it on my old laptop by accident). I only started doing this job to get pictures of ladies bosoms and it hardly ever happens...
I'm sorry, I think I may be too exhausted to be writing and my secret fantasies are just pouring out. I'll go now.
Love you all.
xxx
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