01/01/07
Tossing off 2006 -
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Good - well that's that finished then.
The year ended in dissapointment for me, not just with the whole Saddam thingy (him off South Park) hanging, which made me genuinely fear for the world (particularly when Margaret Beckett released a statement from the government which intimated that he had finally been held accountable...this is the same government that helped broker the Good Friday agreement don't forget...gotta wonder about Robin Cook and Mo Mowlam haven't you?) but perhaps more significantly the death of Pauline Fowler in Eastenders.
I don't really watch Eastenders. I stopped watching it after my friend Raji James ruined it. He played Ash Ferrera (sp?) who was the gambling one, and after he was 'let go' from the programme I decided not to watch it any more as I didn't like the manner with which he (and his onscreen family) were made a scapegoat for the programme's waning popularity when in fact it was substandard writing that should have been staring at a pointing finger.
But I digress...
I am sad that Pauline has died. Not because I liked her, cos I didn't - I always felt there was a nasty streak going on there, do you know what I mean? But because in recent months I DID happen to see a few episodes of Eastenders and discovered a great new hilarious joke to shout at the telly. It's very simple - basically you refer to Pauline's dog Betty as "Pauline's Betty". Now, if you put the emphasis in the right place you can make it sound as if you are actually referring to Pauline's vagina rather than her dog.
"I can see Pauline's Betty!"
"Look at Pauline's Betty getting all hot and bothered."
"Pauline's Betty is going to ruin that sofa by drooling on it."
"Pauline's got her Betty in her hand and she's showing it to people in the Square."
You get the idea...the hours fly by in my house.
But now Pauline has gone - dying in front of the Square's Christmas tree whilst her Betty looked sad and cold. I'll miss Pauline's Betty. Haven't watched the programme since but perhaps Pauline's Betty will be put into safe hands. Maybe that downs syndrome girl, Sonia, and then the joke can carry on whilst being applied this time to a tubby occasional lesbian. Thinking about it, it might end up being even funnier then...
Happy New Year by the way.
So I promised I would do my best and worst gigs of the year, and as I am generally a man of my word - here they are;
BAD - 21st Feb 2006 - some gay club in Hull. The only good thing that came out of this is that Isy Suttie had a better gig than me. She ripped the room up, despite the fact that it was a really difficult room to play, and a lot of the audience were being noisy, she took it by the scruff of the neck and made sure I couldn't follow her. At one point as I died the death in the second half, a man in the audience threw a bottle of poppers at me. It is the closest I ever came to taking drugs on stage. It is also the closest I have come to taking a cock - and all just to rescue a gig that I now can't even recall the name of.
GOOD - 5th June 2006 - Oxford Free Beer Show. The first time I performed "Out of Character" my fringe show, and a real blast of relief when it went better than any preview I ever did of anything ever. My brother came to the gig because he lived in Oxford at the time, and he rang my mum aftewards and said it was the best he's ever seen me. I know this because then my mum rang me and told me. In our family compliments are never given directly. Like the time my mum once told me that she had been telling one of her friends that she was proud of me.
BAD - 10th July 2006 - RADA. This gig didn't even go ahead. And I'm listing it as one of my worst gigs of the year. That's because if it had of gone ahead, it would have been the only one on the list. I have no idea who at RADA (and that's RADA by the way - you'd think they'd have a fucking idea about where would be a good place to do a gig) thought that just putting a comedian in the corner of a coffee bar, where people were drinking their coffees and chatting and not expecting a gig at all was a good idea. And to do an hour long show this is by the way, with no support act or compere. It is the only time I have ever refused point blank to do a gig once I have got there.
GOOD - 2nd August 2006 - my opening night at the Edinburgh Fringe. There were loads of people there and they laughed all the way through. The relief was unbelievable. The run went downhill eventually of course, because I was in charge of it, but that first night was a joy to behold.
BAD - 25th Novemeber - THE KRATER CLUB LATE SHOW. I'm not going over this again. It's in my post of around that time. I still love the Krater Club though and will always maintain my statement that it is one of the best clubs in the land. Stephen Grant is better at compering the late show though. I'm prepared to say that much...
GOOD - 25th November - THE KRATER CLUB EARLY SHOW. Also reported on that blog entry from around then. This was definitely the most sheer fun I have had compering this year. Some of the Free Beer Show nights in Edinburgh were lots of fun, but in a far more knockabout way - this night in Brighton was me being a model professional and going for the laughs with every breath. It obviously exhausted me before the late show an hour later.
Honorary mentions:
BAD
5 March Keswick - it was a great gig, but was ruined by a vindictive audience member writing to the theatre afterwards and questioning my supposed lack of preparation (it was deliberate Harry and Judy Marsland of Brackenrigg you seemingly uncultured fucking cretins).
21st March Northampton Picturedrome - have to be careful cos I am back there soon but...well...fuck there's some fucking racist, sexist, homophobic, and just plain rude and stupid people knocking about isn't there? They were all at this gig on a coach trip I think.
5th December - Winchester Arts School - 90% pretentious pricks playing perceived part of...erm..artists. That aliteration was going so well...
GOOD
29th October - Winchester The Railway - again, have already mentioned this - the best and most generous and respectful audience, each and every one of them, that I may have ever played to.
1st December - Billericay Football Club - for the fact that I really wanted this night off and that when I arrived at this gig I thought it was going to be awful and then it was brilliant, and for the fact that I made a genuine friend in somebody that worked at the venue, and for the fact that the open spot Trevor provided me with enough to say so that it was just essentially a laugh with little material from me in my hour...that's what made this a treasured one.
Various dates - EDComedy at the Hob - still my favourite after all these years and all those venues.
And that's it. It was all right this year professionally really.
Although I don't always act it, I am very grateful to be able to make a living from my way of life, and I'm already looking forward to all the good and bad ones in 2007 (if anyone ever books me anywhere).
And I'm grateful to Chortle for asking me to do this blog...but your review of my show was oh forget it I'm not even bothered any more anyway you can just fuck off.
Love to everyone that thinks I would give it to them, and genuine best wishes for 2007.
xxxxx
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