13/01/07
Back on the Hoss -
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Every year I dread my first gig back, and every year it is fine fine fine...
I think this year I was kind of dreading it more than usual because my first gig, for one reason or another, was last night and most people are back gigging already by now. I was also dreading it because, for one reason or another, I hadn't really given performing comedy a second thought for the last few weeks.
When I did my last gig before the break, as I was driving home, I had a little think to myself about what it would be like starting up again, and acknowledged in my own head that every fucking year without fail I get myself into a little panic that I won't be able to remember what I do come January. So I sat in my car, driving back, and mentally persuaded myself that it was all in there, went over it, lived the feeling of totally knowing it and convinced myself that I had all I needed in my head to do the job and a few weeks away would hardly be enough to destroy that. It was forward thinking and an attempt to look out for my future well-being.
Didn't work though, so that was a waste of a fucking paragraph.
So off I trundled last night to Northampton University to headline their comedy night thing. And it was fine, no problems, lovely crowd generally speaking and a pleasure to play.
Got dragged back into the old thing of being shouted at/spoken to by the audience though, and this was what I was thinking about as I drove home last night. I often decide what I am going to write on this blog as I drive home from gigs - I even plan my posts a little bit and then forget them before I get home, usually because there's been some sort of distraction on the journey like a telephone call or because some fucking retards have stolen rockery stones from a garden and placed them in a perfect line right across the road so that folk like me with a social conscience have to stop their cars and get out to move them even though they were far too heavy and I end up pulling muscles in my back...
At one stage during the gig last night, at around the forty minute mark (I was on for just over an hour even though I had promised compere Dan Atkinson I would keep to time which I felt bad about) a bloke in the audience said something out loud. He didn't shout it, wasn't being agressive or hostile, he merely referred to something I had been speaking about and joined in. I looked across at him after he said it, and made an instant judgement on him.
Thing is, when you have spent so much time in your career actively encouraging rowdiness from audiences as I have (particularly when my act was a character act) you tend to get a feel for when somebody is going to be shouty or gobby or just a cunt. It becomes a sort of sixth sense, they have a certain aura about them, and it helps you as a performer because you can be ready for when that audience member has their moment. But this guy that joined in last night didn't have that aura - if you had lined up the audience for me before the gig, I would never have picked him out. So when he said whatever it was he said (I forget), I was immediately curious beyond belief and spoke to him. I wasn't agressive or anything, it wasn't a put-down situation because he genuinely hadn't "heckled".
I asked him if he had been to the comedy before, he said yes.
I asked him if he had ever shouted out before, he said no.
I asked him if he had ever shouted out at any performance before, he said no.
Even as I was speaking to him, I could see the realisation dawning on his face that he had for some reason been drawn to do something completely alien to how he would normally behave. I asked him genuinely why he had done it now then? I emphasised again and again that I wasn't having a go at him, and I wouldn't make him look stupid or anything - I just wanted, once and for all, to know just what it is that makes audiences talk to me whilst I'm onstage. There was no massive revelation, his conclusion was that I was "generally just a funny bloke"...I don't see why he had to include the word "generally", but as I have said before, I always take audiences chatting to me as a compliment.
I reckon I'd be brilliant hosting a show like Jeremy Kyle's one...
See, in my personal life I appear to be a pretty approachable chap too. Also, a persuasive chap. I get trusted and told secrets all the time, people tend to open up and reveal themselves to me. No idea why. I am good for it like, pretty trustworthy, but from time to time I will admit that I abuse my jedi powers, purely in the name of mischief making, and sometimes because I see the potential for something hilarious to happen, so like a little demon I whisper suggestions in people's ears and watch with glee as they act on their trust.
I tell you this because I did it yesterday with my friend Raji.
I spend a fair amount of time online these days, especially since starting this blog, and a fair amount of my time online is spent on MSN. There are only four people on my MSN list, but one of them is Raji. Raji is the dude I was telling you about the other day who used to be in Eastenders. In fact, he's been in loads of stuff, The Bill, Robin Hood, Doctor Who, East is East, the fella is pretty prolific and works all the time. I've known him for a few years now, ever since he heckled me at East Dulwich Comedy (when it was at the Magdala) and I tore him to shreds. He is genuinely one of the good guys, and very supportive of me and his other friends. He is also a bit of a technology freak, and rarely without some sort of new toy.
His new toy yesterday was a webcam and headset.
I should also tell you that he is completely under my spell should I make a suggestion to him. There was one time when we were both hosts at the Celebrity Pub Quiz, again at East Dulwich Comedy. He'd never hosted it before so was asking me for advice about what he should do. Now, the correct advice would have been "just go and read the questions, be your normal charming self, and if the opportunity arises for a bit of a chat with people then just go with it but don't force it"...however...what I actually said was "just hit the ground running and call them all cunts".
And he did.
It was fucking amazing to watch, it was pure theatre - he was whirling around the stage shouting at the stunned audience, and blaming them all for writing to Points Of View complaining about the new brown family on Eastenders (of which he was one). When he eventually came off stage, his eyes wide and excited, we sat and laughed at what he had just done for...well...years.
You couldn't wish to meet a nicer bloke and I think the world of him.
But that will never stop me from whispering my suggestions in his ear should I think he could entertain me (and now you by default). When he came onto his webcam yesterday, wearing his daft headset and waving excitedly, he just reminded me of somebody. So I made my suggestion and got my camera phone ready.
You might not find this funny, but I have already watched this more than I have watched The Empire Strikes Back...and that's saying something.
He's gonna go mad when he knows it's now on YouTube but this will never ever not be funny to me...apologies for the quality.
Ok...you ready?
Click this for gold.
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