28/03/07
Fopp and the downside to having a massive cock -
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First things first, because I will forget otherwise, my show in Doncaster on Thursday is not going ahead (same for Andy Zaltsman's too). I know that there were some people that read this blog who were coming to that one, and I had every intention of telling you direct, but it's quicker to tell you on here. Am really sorry, nothing to do with myself and Andy, it was the venue so any gripes should be aimed their way. I'm still in Manchester at the weekend and am in Leeds again soon, so you can come to one of those instead. But sorry though.
Right, that's the public notices out of the way.
The second Fopp Comedy Night yesterday was an absolute treat.
To be fair, I can now tell you that I had put a brave face on the first one, because it hadn't actually gone that well. I was quick to blame everything else like the lights and sound and audience and stuff, but the fact was, the lights and sound and audience had got me all sulky so I didn't do my best compering on the first night the other week.
However, last night, we got things far more sorted in the room. Just little things like having walk on music makes such a massive difference and stop you as compere feeling self conscious about strolling onto the stage at the beginning of the night to the sound of your own footsteps. The acts were all top notch last night and the audience a lovely group. In fact one of the audience brought chips (they'd been told by the venue that they weren't allowed to eat them in there but I overruled this because I am a great comedy maverick and then spent the rest of the night attempting to compere through mouthfulls of fried potato - just couldn't stop eating them - and I don't even like chips normally).
So all good in the Fopp Comedy camp for the time being. It's going to work that gig, it will just take a little bedding in. They've just extended the run beyond the initial period booked and there are going to be some great Edinburgh previews there in coming months so it would appear that Fopp are happy with it too.
Speaking of Edinburgh, I can now confirm that I am not taking a show up there this year. There are several reasons for this, but the main professional one is that my head isn't in a stand-up place as far as writing is concerned what with me doing this sitcom thing and I don't think I could take a decent show. I did actually begin to write a show (I think I told you) but it was leaning more towards theatre than comedy, and should I ever venture north of the border again I wish it to be with a comedy show and not a lecture. So no Edinburgh for me this year. Not even for a weekend. When I decided to not go, I was worried about not doing the Free Beer Show, but they are taking a year off too, so it has all worked out for the best.
I realise that this may throw the whole fringe into doubt and it may very well end up getting cancelled completely, but I have made my mind up. Ah, you won't miss me. Plus I bought a car which cost roughly the same as a fringe show would, but with the added guarantee that it will still love me come September.
And speaking of love, does anybody know what the etiquette is for taking back sex toys?
Sorry, didn't mean to surprise you with that question, but it is a genuine question nevertheless...
The thing is, one of the downsides of doing the Fopp gig, is it means that I am in the centre of London, and I am unable not to spend money when I do that. I bought some jeans and stuff, and a couple of pairs of DC trainers (I am finding it really difficult to find DC trainers these days, so when I see some I like I have to buy them all, plus it was worth it because I got some free DC stickers which I have put on my laptop), but then I had a wander around the naughty shops.
To tell the absolute truth, I went into the first one because I was being stalked by two blokes selling drugs who I was a bit lippy to and when I realised that they don't take too kindly to smartarses in that dodgy environment and were shadowing me I hid. In a sex shop. Because there's nothing dodgy in a soho sex shop is there?
Anyhow, it would have been rude not to buy anything given as they were offering me sanctuary, so I did what any normal person would do and bought loads of things. By the end of it I was like Keith Moon in Tommy, I don't know what came over me. It was like Supermarket Sweep as I charged around.
But the thing is...how do I put this? I've split one of them.
Now, as you can tell from this entry alone, I have little to no embarrassment about these things as I am a grown up without inhibition, but I don't want them (or you) to think I am showing off.
Fact is, it had nothing to do with any anatomic brilliance on my part as there are enough people that can sadly testify quite the opposite about me (oh yes, I've had it off loads me, and the revelation of the beast has disappointed plenty of lasses in my time I can tell you), so I can't very well walk back into that shop with a toy and proudly announce that I split it. If they asked me to prove my worth they would very quickly realise it was merely a design flaw, but people might start staring at me, and all it takes is for one person in there to say "weren't you the compere at Fopp last night?" and I'll fall to pieces.
So then I thought I might ring up and ask what I should do, but how the fuck can I maintain authority in negotiating a refund on the telephone when I will be required to say the words "Magic flesh mini slut" in a serious manner? I'll end up apologising to them and hanging up.
I think I've been tricked.
In the shop when I was paying, and looking all like I didn't care and wasn't bothered and that, the bloke behind the counter picked up an item and said "I can show you a better one than this for the same money". Now this threw me. I am sure that some folk in sex shops just want to get in and out (of the shop) as quickly as possible, but this bloke is being a proper salesman. So he went and got this other thing and explained in detail why it was better. Now...what could I do? I had to buy the other thing. If I'd have put my foot down and demanded my original choice then it would have just have over confirmed that it was a. for me and b. what I was going to be doing with it at some point. Up until then I had relied on the possibility that he may just think I was buying them for an infirm friend or my dad or something.
So this thing that he made me buy is the one that broke - I am desperately trying to get the idea out of my head that it may have been returned to the shop once already...
I think I'll just write it off, which I have no doubt is what these fucking people rely on. All the other stuff I bought is fine...erm...I would imagine...
Right, well that will do for now, I think you've learned far more than you ever wished to know about me today, but if anything else the embarrassment factor will stop my mum from ringing me for a week.
Comments:
· http://www.jimsmallman.com Good to see you last night at Fopp, thanks for being all nice and that. If you're up my way there's a great shop that sells tons of DC Shoes. Yours were fancy.
The chips had gone when I got to the stage.
Ta!
Jim
Permalink
29/03/07 @ 00:37 · http://www.myspace.com/raypeacock Permalink
29/03/07 @ 01:02 Permalink
29/03/07 @ 16:40 Permalink
29/03/07 @ 19:16 · http://www.myspace.com/raypeacock Anyway, hello Gary. I shall probably be okay with regards to one-liners and what-have-you, as I rather cleverly don't tell any jokes during my 'act' - although the thought is appreciated, as is you coming to see me in Edinburgh...unless you mean you just saw me in the street, or through the house window or something?
As a word of advice, it is extremely unadvisable to send unsolicited 'material' to people, most will make a point of not reading it to avoid any future argument about thieving and what-have-you. I don't really know of any circuit comics who buy material from a writer, but I may be wrong. I have a writing partner with regards to script work and I think of all my ideas for stand up myself (unless Andre Vincent has recently done something funny that I can make funnier).
But best of luck with it though. If you need to mail me just send stuff as you did these comments and state that it is a private message and I won't publish it. Best, RP
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29/03/07 @ 20:46 Permalink
01/04/07 @ 08:47 · http://www.myspace.com/raypeacock Still, good luck with your endeavour. Why not just perform your gags yourself? Ben Elton began his stand up career because he couldn't sell his material so just got up and did it. RP
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01/04/07 @ 16:30 
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