13/05/07
Another warm up -
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I lost nearly two hours of my life tonight by watching Basic Instinct 2. I don't know what I was thinking...there weren't even hardly any busters in it.
Last night I did yet another audience warm up, this time for The Consultants at Teddington Studios. You know how these new shows sometimes have a tendency to be a bit shit? Well I am happy to report that this is very much NOT the case with The Consultants - the fact that the show was so good and all the sketches hit the mark made my job a whole lot easier. The fact that my little legs were tired after a few hours running around the audience made my job a whole lot harder though.
Also - I feel I must say - I was essentially locked away by my management yesterday. The show was an Avalon production and my call time for the show was 4pm, which I arrived promptly at and was bundled into my dressing room. There was a script and stuff in there and I noticed that the show wasn't being recorded until 7pm, which I thought was slightly odd. I wasn't in the show, I was just the warm-up person.
An hour went by without me hearing a thing.
Then another one.
I eventually got bored with reading comic books and there was no telly or porn or anything in there, so I decided to venture outside of my cell and see if anybody anywhere cared about me. I ran into the producer Nick Symmons and he made a nice fuss over me. I explained that I had been there since four and he said that I was called for that time as he thought it would have been helpful for me to sit in on the dress rehearsal. I said that nobody had told me that. He said did I not think to just come down to the studio. I said no. He was very apologetic. I said in future he might be best of leaving me a little note.
I personally think Nick Symmons arranged the whole charade deliberately to undermine me, whenever our career paths have crossed he has seemed to go to great pains to place me in uncomfortable situations.
A few years ago, for example, he employed me on Harry Hill's TV Burp to play a character called the "Couch potato", which involved me dressed up in a massive potato outfit (later seen in my 2005 Edinburgh show) and walking the streets of London causing mischief. We filmed one of these at the Brits that year and it wasn't any good so we never did any more, but the first time I set foot on the streets dressed that way I was jumped on by a gang of youths who tried (and failed I might add) to 'tip me over'. They failed to take into account my trademark low centre of gravity that defied many an opposing rugby league team in my playing days of yesteryear.
Now, I'm not one for keeping my fists down in these physically confrontational scenarios but it is really difficult to maintain any degree of being handy when you are dressed as a fucking potato. Nick Symmons, on the other hand, was out of the blocks like a good'un, swinging his arms at my young foes and chasing them away. If you've ever met Nick you will know what an unlikely image that evokes, but I swear to god he took no prisoners that day. That moment alone cemented my admiration and respect for the man. That and the fact that he tends to produce exceptional television, and as I said, I have no doubt that The Consultants will maintain his consistency.
So, the warm up went well enough. It was a long old recording, and because of the breaks between sketches and costume changes and that, it meant that I was having to do far more work than I normally would on a TV warm up, but it chugged along reasonably nicely over the course of the evening. I met some great people in the audience, including a couple called Chris and Crystal who had met when she was stranded at Leicester Square tube station after coming over from Canada, he looked after her, they got engaged six weeks later and now have been married for seven years. Isn't that lovely?
On the other side of the coin I met a man who had bought himself the title of "Baron" on the internet, and terrified both myself and the rest of the audience with his tales of being in Pantomime up north. Apparently he was in (or had) Aladdin in Durham many years ago but struggled to understand what the northerners were saying...yeah, he was weird.
My warm up ended with me proposing to a girl named Clare who I had met at the beginning of the evening and done some of my great flirting with. She turned me down, but explained it was because she was scared of Julie the floor manager who I had intimated previous intimacies with.
The best TV warm ups are, in my opinion, when you can ingratiate yourself with the people working on the set and play this up to the audience. Throughout the evening I had spoken about the sexual tension between myself and Julie, whilst she occasionally shot me nasty glances much to the delight of the studio audience. Everytime she halted my babbling to begin filming I had a smart arse flirty comment to throw back at her, and the double act started to write itself with her saying things along the lines of "We're going to do it one more time" (Me: I used to dread her saying that), "Nearly there now" (Me: She used to say that to make me try harder), etc etc oh you get the idea...
She played bad cop to my good cop brilliantly and deliberately, and the look she could give when taking off her glasses and tossing an icy glare my way after I'd been naughty would be enough to strike excited fear into a lesser man. The 'banter' with her was the highlight of my evening, and I can't thank her enough for making me look good.
And that was that. I really wanted to stick around for drinks afterwards with everybody, but truth be told I was too fucking knackered to. I'm always very aware of seeming rude in those sorts of situations, because it is rare that I ever do hang back after a show, but it really is just a case of being tired and knowing that I have a long drive home to negotiate before I can properly relax, as opposed to me not actually wanting to. Well, sometimes I don't actually want to, but last night wasn't one of those times...
And that was that - I have a kind of a week off this week, with just one compering gig just around the corner from my house, so you may not hear from me, but all being well there will be some definite news about the podcast within the next seven days as that is taking priority in my sabattical. I am assured by the 'producer' (little Raji James) that we are very nearly good to go, and I have no reason to doubt him. I am sure he wouldn't let me down, especially as he would technically be letting all of you down as well as himself.
I'm not at all tired but I have run out of things to say so shall fuck off and leave you to it. I will probably just wander around my house now all sad and anxious in the morning light. Not that you care.
xxx
Comments:
Look forward to catching up with another of your gigs.
All the best.
Grim
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