Ok, I'm going to give this a go. Ideally it would be to music, but I don't think you can do that on here.

Bumblelion has been practicing his dance moves.

God damn, my house is freezing.

My house has an aga (you probably know this already, I'm sure I've mentioned it about a thousand times - but it has decided to not be on any more.

The aga has some sort of overly complicated re-lighting device, which involves attempting to sellotape several matches together, poke them through a tiny hole to the back of the aga (for some reason the pilot light has to be half a metre back and completely inaccessible) and relight the thing whilst trying not to blow your eyebrows off (not a good look, unless you particularly want to look like Matt Lucas).

I am drinking some green tea. I found it hiding under a pile of other teas in my kitchen. I think it's gone off. It tastes bad.
Actually I think green tea does just taste bad.
Why can't coffee be good for you?

Pah.

I feel sick now. This can't be good for me.

I am going to go and make coffee instead. Sod the stupid health kick.

Ruth x

Hello.

If Chortle posts were an exam, I would be severely remedial. Fortunately they aren't.

However I think I might still be remedial. I have noticed myself singing about bumming dogs rather a lot recently. I have a slight fear that my brain has turned entirely to jelly and I will have to get a job as one of those mad people who scares other people on the street by shouting to themselves and throwing plastic bags around.

I have been ill for about 2 weeks now. It's one of those horrible colds that makes you feel crap, but not crap enough to actually stay in bed impersonating Colin from the secret garden, just crap enough that you don't feel like doing anything apart from watching dreadful daytime tv. It's also one of those colds that refuses to go away. Even when it seems to have gone, you still wake up with a snotty nose and sound like you're doing a bad impression of Marge Simpson's sisters.

So that's been my life for the past couple of weeks. Christmas was lovely, I went back to Yorkshire, danced about in a barn; was forced to go on one of those terrible family 'walks' which always involve walking too far down a mud track and then back again for no apparent reason; got very drunk at a party my parents had and ended up trying to destroy some furntiture in the hall before passing out on the floor; and generally had a rather merry time.

I have to go now. I need to watch some more dreadful daytime tv.

Ruth x