Not meant to be rude, that title. Just sounds funny to my slightly deranged, 3 in the morning mind.
So, you can probably tell, my insomnia is back with a vengeance. The poor boy is trying to sleep and I keep tossing about (not in any kind of deviant or sexual way, just moving), turning lights on and off and getting up to shuffle about for a bit.
Maybe I'm a poltergeist.
No, that doesn't make sense.
Nothing makes sense any more. Particularly not the 'ideas' I just scrawled on a bit of paper in a feeble attempt to unload a few of the pointless thoughts that are clogging my brain.

I just looked in the 'stats' section of my blog (a fun little section I believe only I and the grand high lord of Chortle get to see). There is a brilliant section that tells you the referring searches (Ie what people put in to google that brings them, accidentally or otherwise, to my blog). These include:

ruth hairy
ugly fucking shoes
i am an insomniac
freaky penises
massive penis (several times)
3 days in marakesh
bumming my boyfriend
Dungeon Keeper tshirts
Tarnation penis
Why eyebrows will suit me
Mice are invading my house
porn dorset
Penis fell out of trunks

Firstly it's slightly worrying that my writing is not exactly attracting the most eligible of readers. From this evidence they appear to all be penis-obsessed, boyfriend-bumming Dungeon Keeper enthusiasts who love porn, never sleep, have no eyebrows and are being attacked by an army of mice.
Secondly, what the hell is a tarnation penis? And I won't even get into the wealth of variant meanings of the syntactically ambiguous 'ugly fucking shoes' (mostly because it wouldn't be interesting or entertaining in any way, and partly because I can't be bothered).

So. Hello.
I'm beginning to wonder if one of the phrases in the above list might end up as my Edinburgh title. I actually rather like 'Tarnation penis' - although probably it actually has a meaning and is some weird porn thing I don't know about, and then I'll end up with an audience full of tranny granny gimps... which is probably a Gary Le Strange song.

I just killed a little beastie. It was flying near me. Now it is not flying, it is dead. I'm going to try sleeping again. Here's a doodle I did of a dog and a do.

Well now. Things are looking up slighly since last I penned this little computerised ditty; I have a new computer (god knows how I'm going to pay for it...we'll let nice mr credit card worry about that) and the clever people at the computer place down the road managed to salvage the files from my old, dead-in-a-corner ibook; so fortunately I've not lost my enormous collection of animal porn.

I have recently been spending my time very entertainingly (but rather pointlessly, perhaps) making little animations. Like this:


and this:



I need more computer gadgets really. Once of those graphics tabs would be nice. So would a special helmet hat that transferred all my thoughts and ideas directly onto the computer in written and pictoral form. Better get on to inventing that.

R x

Fuck.

I spilled coffee on my computer today. It doesn't work any more.
In fact, 'spilled' is not really accurate. 'Poured' perhaps. It was almost an entire cup of coffee. Now not only have I broken my computer, which I cannot begin to afford to repair or replace, but my favourite beverage has been marred by thoughts of a sad little broken ibook, pathetically whirring and clicking itself to death in a sea of black liquid.

So - things aren't going so well. I appear to have some sort of rash on my face - so am beginning to look rather more like the elephant man than I would like, I have absolutely no money, my phone has decided to stop working, I broke my shoe at the Avalon party, and I've accidentally killed a dog (ok, I made that last one up, but I am scared my clumsy idiocy will result in something similar...killing a child or small man perhaps).

The only thing that's keeping me going is the fact that it was my £600 ibook that I ruined, and not my boyfriend's much more expensive brand new Macbook Pro. But then if I had broken that, I probably wouldn't be here right now, I'd be in the process of hanging myself or acquiring a large amount of sleeping pills.

On the plus side, I sold my old printer to Tom Bell for £14, which was enough to buy some new tights. I have no computer, all my songs and writing and photos are lost, but I have some nice green tights - at least when I go insane from relentless bad luck, I can dance about pretending to be Robin Hood, or an elf.

Life is a big poo.

www.ruthpickett.co.uk
www.myspace.com/ruthpickett
www.editbeyond.co.uk

xx

I have insomnia.

It's 3am and I'm not the least bit tired. I have absolutely no desire to go to bed because I know that when I do, I'll just lie awake for hours fretting about where my life is going and trying to get images of zombies out of my head.

These horrid pictures appear in my head quite a lot of the time - of monsters and rotting things and suchlike. I have no idea why. This is the reason I have to calm myself with cheerful things like the muppets and little songs about bumming.

I have been pretending I have a cat lately. This is perhaps slightly disturbing, particularly in light of the fact that my Edinburgh show was about a mad girl with an imaginary cat.

The thing is, the cat does actually exist, and he comes to visit quite often - but he's not mine. He's just a cat who lives nearby and is a bit of a slut so comes to our house for food and petting when his owners aren't there. I have named him "Mr Plonk".
When I get a cat of my own, this will also be called "Mr Plonk". Even if it is a girl, because I think the name "Mr Plonk" is a very good name indeed.

It's time to go I suppose.

RP x

www.ruthpickett.co.uk
www.myspace.com/ruthpickett
www.editbeyond.co.uk

Funny Mr Plonk. So small.

Lordy. It's that time of year again where you have to decide whether to do Edinburgh. And I don't know what to do. The prospect of another 5 or 6 grand loss is frightening, to say the least; but I know that going a few years in a row is really important; otherwise it's not really worth bothering in the first place.

I've been trying to find someone to do a show with, which would reduce costs and also be a lot more fun, but efforts have failed so far.

What to do, what to do...

I am also getting really pissed off with one of my housemates, who, in the year that she has lived here, has NEVER bought toilet roll, and keeps on 'forgetting' to clean anything. It's bad enough that I'm totally broke all the time, without having to pay for somebody else to wipe their arse. And she steals my milk. It's like being a student again, only minus all the positive things like 'student loan cheque' and 'having fun'.

I'm feeling a bit crap. Can you tell?

On the plus side, my boyfriend has started up an editing company. He's brilliant at editing (actually true, not just me saying that because he's my boyfriend) so that's all good. He's doing showreels so any actors / comics who need one should go to www.editbeyond.co.uk
Nice little plug there, well done Ruth.

I'm bored.

Better go and do some writing I suppose.

See you later ladyboys x