09/08/07
sailor chic -
Categories: I have been thinking about tattoos lately. I have always disliked them, but since hanging with the 50's crowd I've noticed all the cool kids have them.
I'm thinking about having a very large sailor tatooed all the way across my back, with little ships all the way down my arms, and then a big pirate on my front.
Then I could spin about naked and pretend the pirate and the sailor are battling it out for supremacy on the high seas.
Not really of course (don't worry mum). I get bored much too easily to ever get a tattoo. The boy has a very small one on his back; it's a little chinese symbol that he thought (when he got it done) meant 'courage'. Then a while later he was on a beach and a chinese guy nearby started chuckling. He asked why he was laughing, and it turned out the symbol actually meant 'monkey'.
Brilliant. Accidentally branded as a monkey by an incompetent tattooist. Let that be a lesson to all you tattoo fans.
I encountered the most hideous species of man the other day. I think one that actually evolved from a rat, and not long ago either. In fact I think it might actually have been a rat, dressed up in a baseball cap and some jogging bottoms.
I was in the post office, spending a fun hour queuing because the royal mail HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO RUN A BUSINESS... the man in question was standing in front of me - one of those clearly unhinged withered wisping types who absolutely stank and had seen fit to display his witch-like long and pointy blackened toenails in a rotting old pair of sandals. At one point he kindly rolled up his trouser leg reveal a festering sore.
What bothered me was not so much the fact that he was clearly drugged to the hilt and collecting benefit (I won't get into a daily mail style rant about that lest you should mistake me for Jim Davidson) as the fact that he just couldn't be bothered to wash. It doesn't take too much effort to have a shower once in a while and cut your toenails, does it? Or at least just not wear sandals if you do insist on growing them so long that you look like an extra from the Dark Crystal.
Is that dreadfully condescending?
I know it probably is, but I'm pretty sure if you'd had to endure an hour of standing next to him you might be more inclined to sympathise with me.
Imagine a decaying rat, with flies swarming round it.
Then imagine it in sportswear.
Then imagine it being next to you for an hour.
Please don't send me hate mail, I do mean well.
The producer from Project V sent me a Jessica Simpson single the other day. He was sending me something else at the time and said sending the single as well was "the quickest way to get it out of the office". Quite funny, but at the same time pretty much the musical equivalent of sending someone a turd in a jiffy bag. Maybe posting it from person to person could be the new chain-hate-mail.
Although of course it would never work as it would probably just get lost in RUBBISH POSTAL SYSTEM straight away.
I hate to admit it, but I did actually listen to it.
"With nothing but a t-shirt on
I never felt so beautiful".
Damn it, I may as well give up now; I'll never top lyrics like that.
Although I might top myself if I have to listen to lyrics like that again.
Gosh, I can't believe it's August.
It's funny that some words mean differnt things if you pronounce them differently (like August the month and august, the adjective) - it's as if the language making people just couldn't be bothered to think of a new word.
"Right, we need another word for posh. aumatican? mensamalonting? Oh, sod it, let's just pronounce one of the other words slightly differently".
WHY? WHY WON'T THE JESSICA SIMPSON SONG LEAVE MY POOR LITTLE BRAIN ALONE?!!!
I'd better go, before this blog gets too mensamalonting.
Comments:
No Comments for this post yet...
This post has 3 feedbacks awaiting moderation...
Leave a comment:
Trackback address for this post:
http://blogs.chortle.co.uk/htsrv/trackback.php/967
Trackbacks:
No Trackbacks for this post yet...
This post has 3 feedbacks awaiting moderation...
RSS Feed