22/02/07
10 years of standup. Is the buzz still there? Are nerves a good thing? -
Categories: News -
Stephen Grant
@ 03:12:43 am
I'm swirling around a glass of 18 year old Caol Ila, in a pretentious but 'not as pretentious as if it was brandy' fashion to mark a personal milestone.
That is - the day that just passed, the 21st Feb 2007, is the 10th anniversary of my first ever stand-up gig. To the day.
I'm not sure if tonight's gig was representative or not of the last decade. I was compering the Comedy Store's Bournemouth gig at the LandMarc - a venue with a roof so high you could get more people in if you turned the building on its side. OK, it's not the Adelphi, but with 180 people in the room and a substantial three figure fee for a mid-week gig, this was worlds apart from gig no. 1.
Gig 1. Hmmm. I'm sure I'm not alone in the comedy fraternity in remembering most of my first ever gig quite vividly. It was in a pub function room, the 'maternity ward' of all stand-up comedy; above a pub called The Good Companions in Brighton. I'd been the week before and watched the acts who did 5 minutes each be so cataclysmically hopeless that it gave me great confidence that I could be easily better. That confidence unfortunately evaporated about 2 hours before the show, when I became a nervous wreck. I was so sure I would be physically sick just before (or during) my stint I put a large plastic bag in a coat pocket to vomit into just in case.
In fact, it went well. I got laughs, they liked me, and even when I forgot what came next, they accepted my mild on-stage panic. I left to applause, and I felt like I'd taken the worlds best drug. What a buzz. The material was about a months worth of ideas I'd written down shortly after a relationship had gone sour, and was the result of a need to be both creative and isolated; that frankly, was the making of me.
I remember what I said, when I said it, what I wore, and the audience's faces. Gig 2 went well, but I'm not so clear on what I did or said. Gig 3 however was abortively bad; so thank God I'd already had gig 1 and gig 2 by then, because I would never have got hooked if this utter death happened to be gig 1. In a strange sort of way, I miss the nauseating sense of nerves I got before that fateful day. It was definitely the reason for the size of the buzz I got when it was over.
Nowadays, I only seem to get nervous when the gig has a 'career' implication. I'll be honest. I simply don't get bothered by a gig beforehand, regardless of how unplayable or technical it may appear. I know I can do well enough so I don't fret that much. But when the show is being used to 'showcase' your skills to the wider world, like the Montreal show I did two weeks ago, I feel rattled. And in a small way, that nervousness is nice. It reminds me of the buzz I felt when a gig went well in the early days, and it's a good motivator.
I'm not saying that buzz has gone altogether now; but because this is now my profession and everything I've aimed for in 10 years, my biggest sense of joy comes from the execution of a job well done. Likewise, the gutted feeling of a performing death (which isn't really that common) is only really replaced these days with the frustration and disappointment of knowing I haven't done my best. It's a far cry from the rollercoaster I got in the first year or two when everything was new. I sometimes meet newer acts who long to be in my position, but in fairness that rushing feeling you get on stage when you are new to it all often does not last, and I really miss it in day to day gigs. I still get it from things like playing the big theatres and the TV shows I go on, but like any drug, you need bigger and more powerful hits if you want to keep the buzz alive. You just don't get high going to work.
But tonight, bizarrely, I got that tingly feeling. Because sat at the back of this usually quite unremarkable gig (other than the fact that they get 180 people in when the football is on - massive respect for that) was Don Ward from the Comedy Store, who had chosen tonight to come down to see how his franchised show was getting on. This is not something he does all that regularly (2nd visit, according to the staff), and for some reason (probably the fact that I don't do regular weekends at the London Store), I was a little unnerved by his presence.
With that sense of trepidation bubbling around my veins, I went on stage, and remembered for the zillionth time that actually, the nerves are *not* my friend. They make me hurry up, stumble over words, and lose focus. I overran - something I rarely, rarely do - and was cursing myself for the rest of the evening (which was perfectly good, and to all intents and purposes, so was I - but I was totally aware of what I'd done wrong).
So, in the end, I did alright; not as good as I hoped, but certainly good enough to convince a room that I had the ability and got the all important laughs. And while you should never summarise something as extensive as a ten year stint in a brand new career into a single gig, I think my review of my own performance is a fair summary of the last ten years as well. I've carved myself a nice career and it's still moving along; never running, but never stagnating either. There's been flashes of the brilliant, both intentional and unintentional, and the strongest positive is that even when I've done well, there's been signs I could be even better. That'll easily push me along for another five years. I'll just have to find extra reasons to push just as hard for the next five after them.
So here's to another ten years. Cheers!
Comments:
· http://www.myspace.com/raypeacock I for one would have missed you had you not been there.
Congratulations Mr Grant xx
Permalink
22/02/07 @ 04:46 This post has 72 feedbacks awaiting moderation...
Leave a comment:
Trackback address for this post:
http://blogs.chortle.co.uk/htsrv/trackback.php/580
Trackbacks:
No Trackbacks for this post yet...
This post has 72 feedbacks awaiting moderation...
RSS Feed