Yes, I'm proper rubbish, not having blogged in 5 days. But I've never known such a roller-coaster Edinburgh in just the first week; I've now felt the lowest lows I ever have, and just 20 minutes ago, the highest high too.

Good news first. Basically, I've just received that most coveted of gongs - a 5 star review from Chortle. I won't pretend it doesn't mean the world to me - I'm exhilerated; and am punching the air a bit. I'd love to phone everyone I know who'd care enough to listen and share in the feeling of triumph, but I've lost my voice somewhat, and am resting it for tonight's show, which has two more reviewers in. I've got this eery feeling that things are about to get even more hectic.

The bad news relates to the death of a great comic from this year's Cape Town Vodacom Funny Festival, at the ridiculously early age of 24. I want to write something seperate about Wayvinne and not tie it up in this blog entry as they are the polar opposites of my emotions right now and I want to gather my thoughts about his loss at another time.

Stephen

Well, there you have it.

4 stars in Fest for the show on my opening night. Obviously that's nice, but they came to a properly shabby show so I should be wildly grateful! Their criticism seems odd, as I don't have jokes about drunk calls to exes or avoiding fights - I do have an invention to avoid *making* drunk calls to exes, but that's about it. But the Daily Mail bashing is spot on, so I hold my hands up to that.

Today (well, Yesterday) was a very up and down day, and this has sweetened it a bit. I'll post more tomorrow, but you all probably guessed that already.

Here we go then:

http://www.festmag.co.uk/sections/comedy/73

Nice start. Could have been a five with some effort methinks, but that's a platform to build on. At least I didn't have Helen Pidd review me, possibly the worst informed reviewer in the history of the Fringe*.

:)

Stephen


* She accused me in 2004 of not knowing what Nazi stood for, even though I gave an explanation during the show that is word for word identical to the COD definition. What did she possibly think it stood for?

OK, here's a question for you.

How long is the Edinburgh Festival?

Now the lazy answer here is, 'a month'. Of course, with the preparation, travelling and logistics involved, if you are a performer who is committed to the fringe, August is a write-off. But there is never 31 consecutive days, so that's not an accurate response.

Likewise, 'three weeks' (as implied by Caro's wonderful publication of the same name) is also not accurate, as the festival as outlined by www.edfringe.com starts officially on the 5th and ends on the 27th - that's 23 days inclusive. Not the 21 days that three weeks would imply.

But it isn't 23 days, either. Because there are always additional days tagged onto the beginning. Since 2004 I have been a Gilded Balloon act, but this year I have returned to the Pleasance; who start doing shows on the Wednesday. The 1st of August. Not the 5th, then.

So, are these shows in the festival? Yes, of course they are; but they are considered *previews* - even though, as I am discovering, they have absolutely no correlation to the two months of previews we bang out across the UK in preparation of our festival shows over the month. So the answer is a bone crunching 27 days - 1 day short of four calendar weeks. Caro may need to rename her publication.

Because tonight, I have a 'preview', and yesterday and Thursday, I had 'previews'; but I have also now had three sets of reviewers in (Metro, Fest, Scotland on Sunday) and this is irking me somewhat. My approach to these shows has been 'preview based' - for a start, the ticket price is half (so surely people's expectations are different) and I am in a room that is new to me with a crew that is new to me, dealing with the technical nuances that are unique to this environment and trying to judge the running time specific to the crowd. So I have been chopping and changing sections, modifying the style of the start, and putting a completely different finish in. And yet I have only just recently found out that these have been reviewed (in the case of Fest, maybe not, they were in just by chance and asked if I minded getting reviewed off the back of it. I chanced my arm and said, "fine, no problem".)

So how did those shows go? OK - if you approach them from a preview mentality. I never shirk on the effort required in a preview and I don't take a script on stage with me (just a crib sheet, more as a safety net) so it wouldn't have *appeared* as a preview; but the fact is I know I am capable of so much more in the smoothness of delivery and the polish of the material. Hence I'm a little worried the reviews won't be representative.

This is the case with most shows that I do, though I bumped into Markus Birdman (below) who has told me that his show is pretty much exactly like how it will be for the whole run. I can't understand how people can rehearse and engineer an end product so close to what it will be in Edinburgh when actually away from the festival, but he's managed it. Big props him.



Anyway. It's going OK, but the overall show has a promise of much, much better to come. Most of my teething problems come from the fact that I have a new team to deal with in both management and venue, and that I don't have the fallback of going through my agent Lisa White, as she's a teeny bit distracted right now (having just given birth two days ago to her first daughter; Cosima. 17lb 13oz, doncha know. Well done Lisa).

Anyway, as I'm trying desperately to bring this blog bang up to date, let's hit some of the concurrent threads of my life all at once.

1. Edinburgh.

Currently smells of the brewery again. The water is STILL YELLOW as well. Does nobody up here notice this?



It's a light tinge, but it's far from clear, oh no no.


2. Wireless LAN.

OK, I am now writing this on my T-mobile hook-up because the company opposite got wind of me allegedly 'piggy backing' onto their wifi and cut me off. The guy next door at first said I couldn't use his, but now says I can, if I pay him a tenner (bargain!) and speak to Rowan, his flat mate, who has the username and password. Unfortunately, I have yet to call round when Rowan is in. Hence status is as follows: 5 days, still no wifi.


3. The AAA stand-up team.

Are lovely. Tom, Sully, Diane. What a nice bunch. :)



That's a bargain of a show. Def. worth seeing straight after mine.


4. The White Belly room at the Underbelly.

I did Political Animal last night and it was fun, even if the audience seemed to have a bit of a lapse for no apparent reason, which they were probably more aware of than us (!). But it was a good bill and everyone did well; myself, then James Sherwood, then Russell Howard. Never seen Russell do PA and his set is 'loosely' political but it really doesn't matter because it's so much fun. Marbles up the arse turns you into a wizard? Give that guy an award, he's brilliant.



The best thing of all though - the room. I've been doing stuff in this room for Neil Masters and his late show for a few years now and it is always the hottest, most condensation-soaked room of the fest - but not any more! It's pleasant, airy, and cool, with fantastic non-noisy aircon. Result!



See this pipe? That's all the rubbish hot air that used to make it sweaty for the CROWD let alone the acts. All gone.



And here's one of the members of staff who installed it. Considering how short she is, she has every right to be proud.



Andy was telling the crowd that the room is haunted. With me having no flash on (hence the three person pic above being so stupidly blurry), this ghost appeared in the shape of Russell Howard. Here we go.



Also worth noting that I am back there for the late show tonight, doing that rarest of things - a set. After I go compere Jongleurs Edinburgh.


5. Fans

The majority of people who have actively seeked me out and saw me so far have been people who know me ... from Brighton. This is the upshot of playing to 1000 people a week for 8 years in your home town - bit tough to get that sort of Edinburgh following without a massive amount of TV under your belt. Those Brightonians, by the way, includes Edinburgh venue staff. This is Sam who does the bar at the Underbelly. Hi Sam!




6. Launch parties.

So far, have missed 3. 4 if you include The Stand's party, which I wasn't invited to, but was invited to by Carey Marx, who interestingly, probably also wasn't invited to it. Thanks for the invite Carey.




7. McDonalds Princes St Mall.



Is this not the narrowest front door for a McDonalds you've ever seen? How the fuck do half of their customers get in?


8. Spiced Chai Latte.

OK, where the hell are you hiding this, Edinburgh. I can't buy it at Tescos... I've travelled to a full size store, and there's no sign of it...



... and nor can you get it at Costa's, unlike the rest of the UK. It wasn't at the Prince's St Mall:



(and no, I'm not interested in this space, even though the rental is probably a fifth of my room at the courtyard)

Nor was it available at the Costa within the station itself.



I did manage to find 'Whittards instant chai latte'.



Unfortunately, being whittards, it was designed for the elderly and so full of sugar it tastes like a mildly cinnamonned molten marshmallow mixed in with green tea. Rrrrank.

For God's sakes, where can I find some? I would stamp my feet on the ground, but I just found out that the house I am staying in, is on stilts. I'd go straight through the junkies who are living under my flat, but still technically Al-fresco. Des res in every sense.




Right, up to date now, thank God. Gotta go get ready for the show and pace myself for tonight's roster: My show, Compere Jongleurs, Launch Party, then set at the Underbelly late show. Whew!

Stephen

There are lots of similarities between the world of stand up comedy and the world of the rock star. For a start, the late nights, the dark venues, the rawness of the performance, and the way the protagonists can romantically pitch way above their normal levels.

But other than that, it's a flight of fantasy that most comics need to rein in quite considerably. For a start, when a comedian is told to turn up early for a soundcheck by a venue, if they aren't a musical act or aren't heavily prop-based, this is a complete pain in the arse. Whereas your average rock star will be playing out complete numbers with band and instruments in tow, we'll be saying 'testing' about four times in a row and feeling awkward because we're on stage talking to an empty room (though this can be very good groundwork for Edinburgh in general) and then sitting down and waiting 3 hours for the gig to start properly.

So. Tuesday this week was my tech rehearsal. Between 4pm and 8pm I had four hours allotted, and I was thinking I'd need about two of them, max. Though that said, this year's show (if you haven't seen it, which you almost definitely haven't yet) is quite technical; with an interactive sequence at the beginning which I'm not actually on stage for (I'll explain another day) and a monologue ending that quite daringly does not end on a joke of any sort, over a piece of classical music, with the script timed to the rising timbre of the movement (Yeah, I know, but it's Edinburgh, where else could I do this shit!). Also there were three still sequences showing on a projector and that needed sorting too. So, for the first time in my life, the tech rehearsal meant something.

The most important part of any tech rehearsal, is your tech. Thankfully the Pleasance Upstairs (a superb room) has a great resident tech (Will), and my show has an even better one. His name is Gadget and he's also Lucy Porter's tech. His name is clearly Gadget for a reason; he has a wealth of impressive electronic bits about his person. However, once I dug out my very rare JVC mininote and my even rarer Nokia E90 (you try finding one in this country) he was suitably impressed. Here we are, comparing pre-installed applications.



Now, the projector we are using isn't ours, so it was a complete stab in the dark, and Gadget actually built a screen himself. That's right - using a duvet cover and two pieces of 2inch square wooden strutting. It's immense, if actually 90 degrees the wrong way (should be wider than taller).

Here I am in front of it.



And here I am driving the computer attached to the screen. This sequence is bizarrely part of the show - I won't give too much away, but actually it's one of the show's best bits! You have to see it to believe it. Very proud.



Once this was done - and all the sound cues were sorted - it was time to head off to meet and greet the flyerers. Getting them on side is SO important, and thankfully they seem a pretty enthusiastic bunch. Not much to say except for how annoyingly young and pretty they are so here's a few of them, alongside the other comics/shows being looked after by Bound and Gagged.







Also got a chance to speak to a couple of old comedy chums; Justin Moorhouse doesn't appear hugely on the circuit outside of his home town now because of his radio show, but it was great to catch up. I'm sure his show will be a belter. I'd love to tell you what we were talking about, but we will have to remain tight lipped, as you can see.



Finally, on the way out, I bumped into Zoe Lyons.



A fellow Brightonian, I'm overjoyed to see Zoe bringing up her own show this year. I was hassling her all last year to do this so I'm really curious to see how it has turned out. Of course, with me having a 6pm to 7pm show time, I clash with bloody nobody, so seeing EVERYONE else's show will be a cinch.

I'm beginning to worry that my early start time might make getting audiences for what is in effect a mid-evening stand-up style show a bit trickier. Oh well, we'll find out.

And in the meanwhile, where the HELL do you find decent spiced chai latte in Edinburgh? Everywhere you ask for it (including speciality tea and coffee places), they give you the same look you get in a pub when you ask for a coffee. Can't be that hard, surely?

Hello again :)

First of all, thank you all SO much for your kind notes of support after the first blog. It really may be the first and last time I mention what has been happening in my life outside of Edinburgh so your kind words have been much appreciated. Thanks again.

Anyway; I'm a day behind blog-wise, but I thought I'd let you all know how I've been getting on. Firstly, the journey up was NOT a record (Justin Moorhouse was asking). Admittedly, I actually stopped to eat instead of doing all meals on the move and that added 30 minutes so my last year record of Brighton -> Edinburgh in 7hrs 15 mins was not likely to be beaten. (Please note, I stopped at Peterborough services, and those 30 minutes included 10 minutes eating a Pizza Hut express 'value meal' and 20 minutes desperately trying to coax my stomach into digesting it).



The main reason for this year's journey taking that much longer was ridiculous traffic, helped in no part by my absence of navigation system in my new car. I decided to follow the A1 and it was completely cack. Here's the second of two stoppages; this was a jack-knifed Somerfield lorry just South of the Scottish border. No doubt the weight of 2p beans was too much for the artic to bear. To get round it, I ended up going down a country lane the width of a village pavement where I filled my bumper grill with nettle leaves. For once, the navi's insistance that I was 'off road' was actually almost accurate.



Eventually, I got to Edinburgh in time to head to the Pleasance. With two days to go, I can't believe what state this place is in. How the hell do they get it ready so quickly? Even my show is closer to completion than this.





I met up with Andrew Jobbins who gave me the key to my flat over in New Town. It's weird working directly with Andrew; for the other 11 months of the year I think of him as the guy who helps Geoff Whiting out with his massive roster of club diaries, but in Edinburgh he's Nigel Klarfeld's right-hand guy and extremely hands-on for the duration of the fest.



Nigel introduced me to the flyerers. These guys are young, enthusiastic, young, friendly, and young. God I feel old.





Then it was off to the flat. I like to live on my own in Edinburgh; it means I get more work done. Of course, the big issue this year was my complete lack of phoneline and internet. The flat itself, is lovely.



Two main problems; the first one being, no easily usable wifi. There's a local letting agency who have an unsecured network on just a single bar (which I will not admit to using right now as I believe this practice is illegal?) and a strong private network next door. It was time to bite the bullet and go checking who owned this, and sure enough I found my next door neighborus sat outside their house having a fag. I asked if they had wifi - they did - result! I asked if I could use it, and they told me it was their flatmate's. They went upstairs to ask him and within a minute they returned with sad faces, as he told them that it was 'impossible as he had 'private stuff' he didn't want me to see'. For heaven's sake, I wasn't going to look at his computer! But, seeing as the contents of his hard drive might have upset Chris Langham, I had to respect his wishes. I'll try again tomorrow, offering money.

The other main problem - everything works in this flat, except the sodding toaster, which will not click 'down' and must be held down with a finger throughout. To get it going unattended, you have to wedge a kettle between the wall and the toaster, thus.


(note sexy reflectoporn style image)

The upshot of this is that any sidetracking (quite often the case when taking phonecalls and rehearsing) leads to the toaster setting off the fire alarm, which I have now done quite a few times. Admittedly, holding the bagels up to the fire alarm (top of the pic) hasn't helped matters in the slightest.



Next blog will include details of my tech day and the flying team's meet and greet. Sorry for being a day behind, but I am also rehearsing like mad for my first show on Wednesday. Except I'm not, because as ever, I'm writing my blog.