I’ve just finished watching the Olympic ceremony ending, and am trying to draw parallels between this and the end of the fringe. Help me out, I’m struggling a bit here.

That might be because the contrast between the bang of the Beijing games finishing and the whimpering way the Fringe peters out couldn’t be more contrasted. For a start, there’s not even a real sense of when it ends in comedy-land. The if.com party usually signifies the climax of it all, but then we all go and gig the following day, so that’s not the end. And then only half of us are actually finished then; the rest have to do this bizarre Monday gig that is justified by the fact that it is a bank holiday (but not, I believe, in Scotland – though nobody seems able to confirm this). This water is further muddied by the fact that a handful of comedians cancel their last show as they can’t be arsed – or – as in some cases, it sells so badly as to not be worth it. A real pity after the typically super-busy final weekend that can easily sell out and give you some of your most responsive and rewarding audiences, but understandable. However, I won’t be doing that this year; and bizarrely, I’m relishing my final Monday, for two reasons that I’ll cover later.

I’ll rewind back 30 hours or so to cover my busiest day so far, last Saturday. It started early with a trip to the Edinburgh Food Festival, where I improvised my breakfast from 100 different varieties of pickles, jams, cheeses and whiskies on oatcake fragments snaffled from increasingly cynical stallholders. Not to be outdone by just about every other festival in Edinburgh, they had a ‘performance area’ too, where I saw (while stood – it was packed out) Hardeep Singh Kohli attempt to cook Pork Belly with a gooseberry Cranachan. I couldn’t hear him at first as the sound was useless and fed back when he stood next to the oven, and when I did, I still couldn’t see him as what lighting was provided was shining off his 1970’s style Adidas tracksuit. When my eyes finally acclimatised, it transpired that the gooseberry cranachan was actually raspberry, and the only thing I could hear him tell us is that he wasn’t actually much of a cook, with his only culinary reknown being his short stint on Celebrity Masterchef. This hasn’t stopped him releasing a cookbook which he was plugging every 5 minutes; though that frequency dropped markedly when he burnt a pan of sugar shortly after telling us how important it was not to burn it.

After that, it was off to do ‘On Heat’, Matt Forde’s panel show; the format having hardly changed from last year and still entertaining and baffling punters in equal measures. The show I sat in on was so laid back that team captains Mark Olver and Jon Richardson seemed to spend the entire hour the audience’s side of the 4th wall; though with the venue being the tent in SoCo, walls 1 through 3 were never going to be an issue. Still, a lot of laughs were had, especially regarding Stuart Hudson’s romantic failings at the hands of an amorous pig-farming love rival; and my rantings about the evil that is Johnny Vaughn got a good response also. As ever, I lost. I can’t help feeling this ‘Second’ thing is graduating from show title to all-out curse. Certainly putting a bet on the if.com results didn't help.

And then off to do my show – which, hooray, had sold out.



I’ve never quite understood the ‘sold out’ board – surely this is only for acts’ egos only. Why would a punter entering the courtyard want to know which shows they CAN’T see? It’s like having a menu in a restaurant only showing you what food is off. A much more useful system would be a daily list of ALL the shows in the Pleasance with the sold-out shows being rubbed off. But then, I guess it’s a tradition.

Thankfully my show was a good one (though not as good as tonight’s – that was a breakthrough show; I decided to just relax and play with the audience and unbelievably, cracked it. Oh well, I only did it with a day to go. This is reason No. 1 for me looking forward to Monday. Still not the best show though; that came the Monday before, which just had a magical feeling about it. After it, a lady from the audience came up to me and said, “that was the best show I’ve ever seen on the fringe, I cried throughout the end”. To which I said, “thank you”, and then, after a short pause, “I’m really sorry”. What’s the decorum for addressing strangers who have told you that you made them cry? Apology or gratitude?). Then it was a race off to host Jongleurs Edinburgh again, and then, with my voice beginning to crack, back to the Pleasance to host the huge BBC Comedy Presents Gala in Pleasance One. Acts included a very on-form Craig Campbell, a nicely chilled Carl Donnelly (who agreed with me regarding my thoughts on Russell Kane’s show - see below) and closing act Andrew Lawrence, who overlapped the if.comedy award announcements. No major surprises in the award to Sarah Millican, and well done Sarah, and while everyone agreed that DoD was totally deserving of the main award, there was definitely some surprise. In the Green Room afterwards, Ella from the BBC admitted to a dream/premonition in which she had (correctly) predicted the award outcomes, and while most people were quite shocked it wasn’t Rhod’s prize (as it was so universally accepted for how brilliant it was), myself and Carl agreed that Russell’s show had flashes of totally gobsmacking elements; where you felt that something almost unworldly was happening in how funny and focussed the show had become; a total sense of empathy with the performer and an ability to unlock your inhibitions about laughing so hard and long, that it almost hurt. I know it’s just my opinion, but it really was that good. And it wasn’t even perfect. Best comment came from Andrew Lawrence though, who jokingly commented, “Where do I get a new agent?” as his agency (Hannah Chambers Management) had scored the double with Sarah and David and no doubt will have their hands full with two of the hottest tours of the next 12 months.

No mention of the panel prize though, which I didn’t find out until I got to the if.com party, though by now I was truly exhausted from 7 hours of performing. Which might explain why I thought at first people were winding me up when they told me who the recipients were; all the comedians at the fringe. The prize: a free bar up to the value of four grand at a venue to be determined. Right you are. How ironic that the ‘spirit of the fringe’ should be to throw away £4K on a piss up nobody needed in a city we wouldn’t normally be visiting in return for the vague belief that we’ve achieved something. Well, if that isn’t the spirit of the fringe, what is?

Anyway, the upshot of this is that we can all now technically put ‘if.com’ winner on our posters next year. Paul Kerensa has put in his blog that he wishes there were no awards (a comment made at the party of an awards ceremony, though I’m sure he’s aware of the locational irony in that musing); simple solution Paul – if we all sport our ‘if.com’ winner prize on our posters, it’ll devalue the award enough that nobody will bother with it again. They haven’t thought this through, have they.
Too much drink and too much mixing of those drinks meant today was a tricky proposition. I was up at the crack of dawn to do Jon Richardson’s show on 6music - http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/podcasts/rh6m/. After my show, I went off to see Daniel Kitson’s show in the bizarrely steep Traverse theatre, where I bumped into if.com newcomer Sarah Millican and Gary Delaney. Her glee at winning is so infectious I almost felt triumphant just chatting to her. So pleased she got it – couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Sarah told me her post-Ed gala show will be at the Apollo; in one night, she could play to an audience 3 times the size of her entire Edinburgh run added together. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that as she did a bit of a girly gulp at that point. A word about the Traverse though (and yes, Jay Richardson is right, people really do need to know if a venue can detract from the enjoyment of a show). We found a row to sit together which was ridiculously uncomfortable; the seats were practically on the floor meaning your knees are up by your chest. It was like sitting in the back of a Porsche for an hour and a half – not comfy at all. That said, Daniel’s wonderfully poetic way with words always enthrals me and distracts me, and I felt many pangs of empathy in his sentiments. Definitely a good show though the worryingly over-enthusiastic crowd was clearly bugging him because on a couple of occasions he berated a punter for her rather shrill and dominating laugh – which to be honest I couldn’t hear. I guess being over-loved has its drawbacks too.

So, almost there now. One show to go – and tomorrow it will be performed to the newly crowned if.comedy newcomer, as Sarah and Gary had admitted to actually buying tickets to my last show, which I feel terrible about; I could have easily walked them in. I’m looking forward to it because Gary’s feedback is invaluable; he’s one of the few comics on the circuit who is as obsessive about the art and execution of stand-up as me, and therefore never short of a worthy insight. So to wrap up tonight, as promised, here’s my big list of shows for this year’s festival; in the case of the shows I’ve seen, I’ve got reviews that can be joined on to them, but as per Paul’s great blog entry of yesterday, it’s up to you to work out which one relates to which show.

Enjoy.

Shows I saw during the Festival
Richard Herring (and I saw the Preview)
Lloyd Langford (and I saw the Preview)
Patrick Monahan
Glenn Wool
Ivan Brackenbury
Justin Moorhouse
Andrew Lawrence
Rhod Gilbert
Andrew Maxwell
Dan Atkinson
Chris Cox
John Bishop
Aaa Standup
Jason Cook
Andy Zaltzman
Gav Webster
Jim Jeffries
Ian Stone
Russell Kane
Jimmy Carr
Danny Bhoy
Mark Watson
Tim Minchin
Markus Birdman
Comedy Reserve
SYTYF final
Edinburgh Food Festival
Daniel Kitson

• Great, but by his own lofty standards, not a vintage year.
• Should be seen by all comedians who want to understand how to put together a near-flawless show.
• Masterful and controlling, but a bit ponderous in places. Audience loved it throughout though.
• His best Edinburgh show yet. Best gag is the opening one though, and it doesn’t get as much as it deserves.
• Loads of great material let down by a lack of structure, but really good nonetheless
• Wish I’d seen this at the beginning of the run. A masterclass is feel-good delivery. Great.
• Good material, good comedian, but the venue did the show no favours. I really enjoyed the video section but some of the press didn’t agree at all.
• Unashamedly shambolic in large parts and just brilliant too. My top recommendation to other comics.
• Great to see a great comic who unlike others who have ‘made it’, doesn’t rest on his laurels and continues to work hard. My friends argued that this was his best show to date and I think I agree.
• Good and annoying in equal measures. Man has unlimited charisma though
• In places, disappointing – but only because it had the potential to be loads better. Still a good show though.
• Beautifully put together but surprisingly repetitive in places; definitely good but I still prefer last year’s show.
• A good second show and heartwarming to see a comic enjoying their craft so much.
• Most laughs I’ve had in the afternoon. Jokes stick in your head too. Excellent.
• Good. There’s a genuine rough gem in here.
• Funny though a touch frustrating – a good show but he’s capable of being so much better, and he probably knows it.
• As good as last year’s show, so I enjoyed it. No real message but that doesn’t matter.
• Edinburgh’s most underrated performer. Clever and funny.
• Good material made great by an ever improving comic in a frankly poor venue.
• A nice variation from the sort of thing I normally watch and genuinely clever in loads of places.
• Surprisingly good, and he owned the sell-out room. In my top 10. Shame the people he attracts to his gigs can be utter bell-ends.
• An ever-improving comic with a show that was being unfairly derided in some of the press. Loads to enjoy and unfair comparisons with his previous show were baseless.
• Very good, but maybe not quite as good as last year’s show, though the critics clearly thought the opposite of me.
• Some absolute high points and some utter rubbish too. Rollercoaster hour. Audience frankly had saint-like patience.
• 10/10 for invention and funny throughout as well. Blown away by his ever-expanding gift for voices which I never knew he posessed.
• Every mc’s worst nightmare.
• Exemplary. My favourite show of the festival. Even though it had loads of holes in it, there were moments when it took your breath away. Stunning.

Shows I've Been In
3 * Old Rope
4 * Late N Live
2 * Late Show Underbelly
Political Animal
Afterhours At The Dome
2 * Sytyf Semi
Mervyn Stutter
Lunch With The Hamiltons
3 * Bbc Comedy Presents
3 * Edcom8
25 * Stephen Grant
Stand Glasgow
2 * Jongleurs Glasgow
3 * Jongleurs Edinburgh
Montreal comedy showcase
E4 Podcast
2 * Comedians Countdown
On Heat
Chortle Student Awards Final
Fred Macauley Show, BBC Scotland
BBC 6 Music Jon Richardson Show
Forth 2 Morning Show

Shows I Should Have Been In
Electric Cabaret At C Venue (Nobody Turned Up)
Andrew J Lederer's Anthology (I Mistook 12:50pm For 12:50am)
Karen Bayley's Midnight Gig (Clashed With Another Gig)
Feeling Funny Downstairs A The Tron (Clashed With Another Gig)

People Whose Previews I Saw
2 * Lucy Porter
2 * Reg D Hunter
Hal Cruttenden
Phil Nichol
Michael Fabbri
Bethany Black

Stuff I Wanted To See But Couldn't
Fakespeare
Rob Heeney
Literally
Mort
Free Fringe Show
Comedy O Clock
On The Waterfront
Michael Fabbri
Neil Delamere
Craig Campbell
J J Whitehead
Maeve Higgins
Karl Spain

Overlap Impossibilities
Kerry Godliman
Zoe Lyons
Pappy's Fun Club
Terry Saunders

People I Could Never Get Into Because They Sold Out
Otis Lee Crenshaw
Sarah Millican
Michael Mcintyre
Jon Richardson
Tim Vine
Ed Byrne
Steve K Amos

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