14/07/07
Its better to give than to receive... -
Categories: ...or so they say. However, what they don’t take into account is that when you receive you haven’t had to spend hours searching for something that ends up being only mildly enjoyed by the person who's received it and thus you are left merely with a lower status in their eyes and less money in your bank.
Its one of those phrases that was clearly written by an arsehole. Its like 'that would be over egging the pudding'. If you over egg the pudding, surely you just add extra ingredients so you have even more pudding. No one complains about extra puddings, not even me, and I'm diabetic so it could kill me and everything. Or 'too many chefs spoil the broth'. Get them to make even more broth instead and its all great. Losers.
I've been shopping for my dad's (slightly belated) birthday present, and every year it seems to get harder to find something. Back when I was a kid a shit drawing would suffice (or so parents tell you. However, when I am a parent I will be adamant that my 3 year old son/daughter gets me quality goods), but I feel that every year I have to step up the mark and avoid getting CDs/DVDs or dad clothes from GAP or somewhere.
Sadly after three hours of sheer aimless window shopping, I completely gave up and just went to faithful HMV. I am a cop out king. I hope that place never closes or there will be thousands of sad dads everywhere come birthday time. That little yappy dog and gramophone keeps families together. When the world is only downloads there will be many more broken homes. Sigh. Its almost like a lesser version of the Matrix.
People always say that its really hard buying a present for their dads. I'm not sure why this is, ‘cos my dad likes loads of stuff as do other dads (except one of my friends dads who only likes making derogatory comments about other people’s driving abilities and you cant buy that as a present. Yet. There is a whole untapped market there that should be dwelled upon and perhaps attached to a sat nav). I think it’s the unfair assumption that dads are hard to buy for that makes everyone stressed about getting them stuff. I will stop this when I am a dad and make concise lists of exactly what I want and from where. I will also only ever get my kids games that I can beat them at. Essentially I will be a bad parent.
Although not as bad as Barry who went to my university who vowed he would call his first child (boy or girl) Steve? with that question mark there like that, so whenever he spoke their name it would seem inquisitive. 'Its time for school, Steve?', 'Let me read you a story, Steve?' and perhaps most disheartening 'I love you, Steve?'. Never will a child grow up more damaged. Apart from his next few kids who he will just number. I expect at least it will make a humorous story in a (waste of) free newspaper one day that will make three people mildly chuckle at the psychological abuse of children while on their way to humdrum office jobs. Every cloud, every cloud.
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