17/07/07
Pedoshowaphobia -
Categories: Somehow yesterday afternoon I found myself agreeing to take part in a children's show in Edinburgh that starts at an ungodly time of 10.20am. Now I'm not 100% sure why I said yes to this. Its only 3 days a week, and I love the idea and I quite enjoy the idea of doing kids shows at first. Then what nearly always happens is that during the shows I realise that children are the most evil kind of audience you can get.
I am witness to this first hand having done kids shows for years. Starting with entertaining my little cousin with puppets shows where she would become quickly bored and scratch my brother in the face, to doing a TIE (Theatre in Education for those fortunate enough to have never come across it) piece for a school in Hackney where the children shouted 'dickhead' and 'battyman' at us even though they seemed to be enjoying it. And they were only 6-7 years old.
More recently of course I've done James Campbell's 'Comedy 4 Kids' which, while being a truly great gig, inflicts more fear on me than the idea of doing a set about flowers and pixies at Up The Creek to actual Vikings. Kids there decide to sit upside down in their chairs, skate around on their 'heelies' and actually go 'wild and crazy' for the next act if the MC asks them to.
Then there's also the issue of what you can and can’t say. I hosted an event on Friday for the Arts Council in front of 170 schools and their teachers. We had performances from professional storytellers, break dancers etc, and also from a special needs school with 'visual impairments' that were playing musical pieces. Unlike the incredible musical abilities of blind Stevie Wonder, all of these children were shit. It took all my efforts to not go on afterwards and say something like 'wow, they were blinding'. But you can’t do that in front of kids. Or really in front of anyone. Actually, it’s just wrong.
But this Edinburgh kids show looks damn fun and I like being busy so should be good. I'm just hoping none of the kids will be near enough to me to smell hangover at 10.20 on a Saturday morning.
Further rehearsals last night, and more changes to the show. Am really pleased with our latest changes. Final two Edinburgh previews this week:
Etcetera Theatre Camden - 7.30
Landor Theatre Clapham - 9.00
Come along if you can. If you cant, well don’t then. Loser.
PS the title is not a reference to the unfortunate Langham trial or anything like that, but merely a word I made up using the word for fear of children and sticking 'show' in it. I'm sure it doesn’t really work like that, but I don’t care and I feel clever, so there.
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