13/02/08
A truly Nuts week -
Categories: I'm writing this entry from a funny little wi-fi zone in Stanstead airport, on my way to truly lovely gig in Belfast. There's little else to do in Stanstead airport, it being the most meagre of London's flight zones (City is an exception because although small it caters for the business man and is more well equipped for bored travellers), and so this tiny area of specially designed seats for person plus laptop is rammed full of people pretending to look important on their flashy machines. There is man next to me reclining in a way that can only say 'I'm a hugely important city boy. any decisions I make could change the entire British Stock Market. What a shame I have no friends and live in tragic solitude.' I expected him to be doing very important things on his shiny new computer, but a quick glance over and I can see that he is also plying on Scrabulous. My opinion of him has immediately gone up in estimation.
The past week as per always has been an odd mix of things. After my last blog of the train journey from hell, things went from bad to worse as on arriving home my girlfriend informed me that our car had been broken into. This is immediately annoying, and I mean annoying rather than upsetting. They didn't take anything. Not a thing. This is partly because we are not idiots and don't ever leave anything in the car, but also probably because whatever had been left in the car would have been useless to any thieves. I can't imagine a bunch of crims trying to sell off half a Haribo packet on the black market. I really hope they felt gutted when after making all the effort of breaking into the car they scavenged through, only to realise it really was a huge waste of time, and that perhaps now is the time to go on the straight and narrow and study hard and become an astronaut. I'd love to see that on TV one day. 'After landing on Mars for the first time Dave Criminal had this to say: " Thanks to the owners of the dirty VW Polo who are too stingy to have anything worth stealing, otherwise I wouldn't be here today". It's a nice dream.
All they left was a distinct lack of window and a lot of mess, which meant I couldn't drive it to my gig that night meaning a last minute expensive train dash. It also meant that despite the so-called 24 hour window fixing service, our window is currently gaffer taped onto the car, providing a security risk and a truly horrible noise as you go down the motorway. Lloyd Langford and myself discovered this on our way to Hinckley on Sunday as we tried to talk while what sounded like a giant fly in a can made the most irritating noise on Earth. It reminded me of a much worse version of my brother when he was little and would make those gargling type sounds every time you tried to talk. Those were the times I believed violence was condoned in the household. Although apparently I was wrong.
I hope those failed car thieves get caught and I want them to be served punishment on account of how much time of mine they've wasted and how inconvenient they've made my travelling. I doubt that will even come into account were the police half arsed to do anything more than give us a crime reference number. Fingers crossed for the astronaut outcome then.
Other than being a victim of crime, its been consistently interesting since. A lovely gig at the Museum of London on Thursday, followed immediately by a storming set at the Comedy Cafe on the same night. It was very odd to go from performing in front of ancient axes and swords to a crowd of sedate museum goers, to berating a crowd of city arseholes in a professional club. Made for a great night though, and it was duly celebrated by too much drinking with old friends after. The next day's hangover completely ruining all enjoyment of the previous night. I love the way booze does payback.
Did a short thing for Nuts TV on Monday which was more fun than it should have been. A group of us turned up at the studios as cynical as you could possibly be. We all know the sort of content we expect from Nuts TV, and while half of us were worried we would have to get our moobs out, or something laddish, we also knew we were there to represent our stand-up. Its mad, but as Matt Reed pointed out as we wolfed down free jaffa cakes and pretzels, you wait ages to get on TV, but when you do, there's a hundred and one complaints. There was a lot of stuff we complained about too. the whole thing overran, as TV inevitably does. Then we weren't allowed to leave the studio once we'd entered as the smoke machine would set off the fire alarms all over the building so we were trapped watching the whole thing.
Nevertheless, despite the odds it was really good fun. The crowd were members of the office who had been roped in to watch. On first observation they were the sort of people who dressed as though they should be punched, but as a crowd they were very nice. It was only four minutes of material and everyone looked really good on the screen. Hopefully now we wont just be wedged between 'Topless Girls Playing Wii' and 'Some Model Dancing Naked With Model Friends' as a visual cold shower.
There would be more warbling but I have a plane to board (I love the way that sounds when I read it back). Belfast report to follow......
Comments:
· http://www.kingnutter.com Cheers. Gary
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26/02/08 @ 11:17 
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