21/03/08
Glucose Intolerance and Bee Cats -
Categories: Long time no blog, sorry about that. Needless to say I am now back, regardless of whether that is a blessing or irritation for you. Although presumably if it was an irritation you wouldn't read this. Unless you were a literary sado-masochist who punishes themselves by reading things they don't like until they feel free of sin, or something. If that is you, then you're a freak and I wish you wouldn't abuse my blog in such a way.
While I would love to regale about hilarious things that have happened since my last post, my memory genuinely seems to be deteriorating and I have little to no decent recollection of what I've been doing. I did however have a heckle war with a journalist from the Daily Mail last week in Brighton which resulted in him losing and being kicked out by security. I think that alone redeems anything less impressive that has happened and will happen for sometime. As he was being thrown out of the door by the wonderful security, he was shouting 'Don't you know who I am? I work for the Daily Mail and I will have you shut down!'. And how would you do that? By making sure all the racists and bigots don't come along? I doubt they arrive in their hordes to such a lovely club anyway, and any further reduction is only a good thing. Haha I win. Muchos satisfaction.
Part of the reason for the blurry mind is because since the beginning of this month I have been on a course for my diabetes that helps control and such other things that sound boring if you have no idea what I'm talking about. What it does mean though is that my entire day is taken up by a rigorous checking and diary system which involves me monitoring every morsel I eat and how much to inject with it. Basically its a pain in the arse, but ultimately it will stop me going blind, getting kidney failure, heart disease, and nerve damage. That is of course if a combination of beer, and general life mismanagement won't result in that anyway.
It does turn out through this monitoring system that being a comedian is possibly one of the worst careers for a diabetic due to the adrenaline and stress affecting blood sugars and blood pressure. I say one of the worst careers, but I can only think that cake taster must be higher up. I have taken the gigging into account and as I have no desire to stop my career, but at the same time do not want to end up a sugared wreck, I have been checking up on what I can do.
According to the news this week, having a cat lowers stress levels and can reduce blood pressure, so I have decided that whether they like it or not, I will take my cats to all my gigs with me in a small carry case. With holes for eyes. And maybe some for legs. I would feel much more at ease watching a meowing box with legs stomp around.
I'm sure there is actually a solution and its been a really great course, not least for giving me a multitude of ideas for an Edinburgh show next year. Aren't terrible auto-immune diseases wonderful for that sort of thing?
Also my cats are far too odd to take anywhere. This week they have been shunning the food the have always liked. Instead they have taken to hitting bees until they die, bringing them in the house and then tucking in. This bothers me for a couple of reasons. One is that I can't work out why they don't get stung. That's just odd isn't it? And slightly disturbing. I might start feeding them scorpions to see if they can survive that.
Secondly, I feel that by eating the bees in front of me, after disregarding the food I have paid for, they are being bloody rude. Its not dissimilar to going to a five star restaurant and taking a tin of spam out of your bag and tucking in. Well, its a bit dissimilar, because they are cats, cat food and bees and not Corden Bleu gourmet grub.
Right off to Chiswick through the hail and rain. On a tube. Not quite as dramatic at all is it?
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