The final Ed blog arrives courtesy of the free wi-fi on my train home. Thank god once again for this leap and bound in technology. After my constant stresses to be part of the cyber world whilst in Edinburgh, I am now able to blabber to the world via online methods once again.

Bit of a insightful blog today, sorry. Here we go:

So its all over for another year. I'm not 100% sure whether it was a good or bad year yet, and I probably wont until at least October time when the circuit is back in full swing. Sketch wise I feel like I've learnt a lot. Part of the learning involves writing and knowing what needs to be done, that we didn't do, in order to make a show work. The other part of the learning involves taking the critics less seriously after several of the things they didn't like were all the things the audiences did like. At the end of the day the audience matters most.

As for the stand-up world, I feel as though my 30 minute set couldn't be stronger and I have at least 15-20 minutes of excess stuff that I've chopped out. While I wont be doing that next year, I feel quite prepared to carry an hour, finally. I've also learnt to slow down instead of speaking at the speed of a child on sweets (which is my automatic default setting. If I have sweets it gets worse). The biggest lesson that I learnt however is to not say yes to quite so many shows, feeling that I should do everything I can. I've never hit the point of hating gigs, but last monday about 60 gigs into the fringe, I felt like I never wanted to do a show again, and I was mentally dead. I am looking forward to a week of no gigs so much, although I give myself four days before I get bored again.

I've seen some top stuff, seen some bad stuff and drunk and socialized way too much, which is just right for Edinburgh. All in all I've survived the most mental month of the year once again, and now I'm just tired. I really hope this train ride home is no way as stressful as my journey up. So far so good.

Didn't expect to be able to blog today, but chance would have it I am abusing the lovely Comedybox/Myspace people's wi-fi as Mat and Lauren film a sketch with them.

Only 4 more sketch shows to go, 5 more stand-up shows and a couple of extra gigs till I am free from having to tell a joke in any format for at least a week. I really really cant wait. Its felt like a long four weeks here, and I don't think I've ever gigged as much in such a short space of time. I have been semi-boasting about doing 76 gigs in 3 and half weeks, but in comparison to Paul Foot's record breaking '100 gigs in 10 days' or Phil Nichol's 5 gigs a day at last year's fest, mine is just tame.

Perhaps it seems such a feat because this year's fringe seems to have taken it's toll more than usual though. Less tickets have been bought, the weather has been horrendous, and in general it seems like people aren't backing the fun of the fringe quite as much, or wanting to promote the new and interesting that the festival usually regurgitates up. Even the if.comedys this year have nominated less acts for both categories. It's as though there is not enough worthy comedy around, which I'm sure there is. Even up until the nominations I had only heard general buzz about 3 or 4 shows, not all of which got nominated. I'm still gutted for the Penny's who so should have been nominated again. Truly one of the best shows I've seen in a long time.

I wonder if its because everything started early and now the fringe is a week behind. Last week was as busy as the first week should have been. This week, everyone seems to have fringe flu, which most people get in week two usually. Everything seems out of sync. Even I haven't been out as much this week as previous weeks, which is usually what happens in slightly tamer week 2 not mental week 3. I'm sure that will all change over the last weekend, but I'm just a tad tired of it all.

As long as can get to Sunday without going completely psycho with cabin fever I should be ok. Just two shows today, then out tonight, and same tomorrow but seeing the much hyped (and I hear deservedly so) Sammy J tomorrow night.

Last note: The E4 podcast is now number 1 download on itunes. I finally listened to it yesterday and it sounds damn good if I do say so myself. Go download me, then the new one this week with the excellent if.comedy nominee Rhod Gilbert on it. And no, they aren't paying me to say that. But they should.

Dear Blogsters
Forgive me for I have not blogged. It has been nine days since the last bloggings, and there is much to tell. No I’m not dead, or living in a cave or anything that should prevent me from blogging. The truth is that there has been no blog for two main reasons:
Reason 1. After finally getting my laptop back and all in working condition, the wireless dongle I have (yes dongle is a funny word. I giggle every time) doesn’t get reception in our flat. I think the main reason for this is because it is a 3 dongle and 3 are massively shit. Its only meant to do one thing and it cant do it. What a useless dongle. Yes I could bypass this by using much of the free wi-fi dotted around the venues, but after the previous damage to the laptop I am too scared to carry it around. So it must remain on my desk. I’m not sure what I will do when I have to leave Edinburgh. It could get tricky.

Reason 2. I’ve been super busy. Yes many other blogsters are also super busy in Edinburgh, but the business combined with lack of wi-fi means blogs don’t happen. And I have been proper busy too. By the end of this festival I will have done 76 gigs. Its not as many as Paul Foot’s attempted 100 (go Paul go!) or as many as Phil Nichol has probably done every year, but its lots for me.

Happily they are all going fairly well, and most importantly, it is week three and I have my voice, my sanity and I’m not dead. Quick run down of the last week:

- Its still raining. Still bloody raining.

- Comedy 4 Kids is the most fun ever. Best quote this year from a 9 year old boy after being asked if he cares about global warming – ‘No I don’t. I’m going to get an army of cows and make them all fart.’ That’s our future people.

- Silent Disco is the best thing ever. Although having headphones on too loud means that for two days after you cant hear properly and your throat is sore as you have no idea how badly or loudly you are singing.

- Shows what I have seen and are all damn good: 66a Church Road (another damn good Kitson show. Damn him and his clever face), Ginger and Black (they rock the kasbar), Freeze (the Tim and Tom dance is just brilliant), Roy Walker (legend), Jimeoen (best mime gag ever). More shows to see soon!

- Certain critics in Edinburgh are angry that we do a sketch about crap mime. Angry enough to only write about those sketches through the whole review. Even though we don’t insult mime, just people doing it badly. And at the end of the show the mimes win. Certain critics don’t seem to watch the whole show.

- Audiences love the sketches about crap mime. Eat that certain critics.

- Old ladies do not like our sketch show. They especially do not like offensive lines about sex with dead people.

- People should not eat McDonalds meals in the front row of a show.

- Comedians are better at pool than the E4 podcast people. Much better.

- There is a small cupboard in our flat 7 foot above the toilet and sometimes it opens itself. No one likes using that toilet. Its scary, and someone clearly lives inside that cupboard. Someone who is small but can do jump high. There is also a light that turns itself on and off. Conclusion: Our flat must be built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Or a Scottish one, which is more likely.

- If you do not sleep and drink lots you lose your voice. If you sleep and do not drink your voice is fine. Conclusion: It’s the fringe. You have to drink lots, not sleep but use your voice. Hmmmm.

- Tim Minchin stole my crepe.

- Carey Marx thinks crepes should not have mushrooms in. He is wrong.

- The crepe place is the place to hang out. Watch out for Minchin though.

- Sam has the bizarre ability to make 3 drunk if.comeddie judges mime fellating a tramp.

- Mexican wrestling is apparently very cool.

- Lauren likes to eat all the ice-cream.

- I’ve won diabetic top trumps twice.

- I’m already thinking about next Edinburgh, which is wrong.

- I still haven’t seen the Dark Knight. I know. I know.

I’m sure more stuff has happened, but ultimately we are selling well for T&C and the stand-up shows a lot of fun. My i-pod gag was the first comedians gag to be bluetoothed from the Udderbelly today which is ace, and I did the E4 podcast last week and there’s a pic on the website so download from here:

www.e4.com/edinburgh Stephen Grant, Ivan Brackenbury and Tom Deacon are all on it too and they are all ace and very very funny.

Well done to Sarah and Pippa who got nominated! Both much deserved! And well done to Russell and Rhod too, nice work chaps and good luck for Sat!

Right, will attempt to blog again soon, but depends on my dongle. Tee hee.
Only 14 shows to go!!

I was halfway through writing another blog that I meant to post up yesterday. That blog was going to contain much criticism of the quality of reviews that are being given this festival. I realise that this may have seemed bitter, but I generally think most of the lesser publications and in one publication in particular are hiring children to write things. Reviews have had the worst grammer and sentence structuring I have seen since primary school, and most of them do not seem to know what they are talking about. Our reviewer for Tea and Cake stated that we were very talented but the show went over her head. Its not cryptic, its sketches. It did make me laugh for a very long time.

Anyway, I was going to write about it but it appears someone already has and bloody funny it is too:
http://www.chortle.co.uk/about/2008/08/11/7210/three_weeks_edaily_the_edinburgh_festival_sorted

Last night I had a night off from the stand-up and today was the day off from Tea and Cake. Its a shame they didn't match up so I had one full day off, but it has meant I've had some sleep. I was in a mess after a weekend of boozing, and it all hit me when I turned up at Fringe Sunday feeling like I might keel over and barely able to speak without my throat snapping. I managed to gain some willpower and after watching Kitson's superb show and a much needed nice dins with my parents, I decided against the odds to stay in with my old friend thats with us for a few days and just drink tea and chat. As a result I feel somewhat alive again, and ready to tackle the onslaught of gigs that start again tomorrow. After this week, I'm going to make a conscious effort to gig less next week and enjoy myself a bit more.

Managed to see Pippa Evans show today. She's all a bit talented, and its all a bit bloody good. I'm sure there's a newcomer nomination there.

There is a cool pic of me in my hat hosting the List Launch party last week, in the current edition of the List. Will try and post it if I can find it. Unlike fellow blogger Stephen Grant I haven't managed to do much pic stuff due to lack of ability in computers. I finally got my laptop back today (after being given the wrong one and taking someone else's home with me! Yes I did have a look at their computer. Very dull though sadly.) so we'll see what can be done.

Off to write some new stuff, then possibly out for a drink again later....

No time for proper blog today. I am very hungover, its still raining and I've been doing far too many shows. However its all going fairly well and
today Tea and Cake sold out, which was lovely. Off to do stand-up gig then Silent Disco, despite the fact that I'm so tired I could cry.

Quick notes of things:

Did Spank! last night to a rowdy crowd and survived.

There is something very sobering about seeing the sun rise and realizing that you have to do several gigs the next day.

Fringe Sunday tomorrow. I'm hosting the comedy tent from 2-3.20. Come along.

Its probably going to rain tomorrow again. Fringe Sunday will be muddy hell.

Dont sit next to people you dont know in trendy wholefood restaurants.

I'm scared of the bearded highwayman on the Royal Mile.

More detail on everything soon, unless my body gives up before then.....

It has been raining in biblical proportions today. From the moment I woke up until now, its has been well and truly bucketing it down to the extent
that I truly believe I may well see a man building an arc and ushering two of every animal onto it from the Edinburgh docks. A bit of rain is generally good
for shows, because it makes people want to shelter indoors and watch things. This is not a bit of rain though, this is some sort of global disaster on a
petty scale, which means that people wont even leave their houses to head to the fringe, and those that do risk wet shoes for many days to come.

So audiences today, all round were slow. I've never seen the Udderbelly so dead as it was at 8.30pm this evening as the sky pissed watery hell on it.
On the plus side, if there is one, the few people that did turn up at performances really wanted to be there and I had two stonking shows today. I'm
really enjoying the stand-up which now has at least 7 minutes of new stuff in it, and Tea and Cake is finally a comfortable show that we know and can
start to relax with.

Its amazing how moving into a new space and city with a show can change what works from the feedback we had at the previews. I think we are very very
nearly at the show we want it to be. The nice review (which I will post when I get two mins) has perked us up as has the lovely Lucy Porter recommending
us in the Telegraph yesterday.

Last night was the first Tea and Cake appearance at Spank!, an event which we were all a little worried about, and more so when we saw the baying rowdy
crowd. The excellent Tim Minchin was on first which is never helpful to the rest of the acts, but he was nicely followed up by Sally-Ann Haywood. Then us.
And we had to go accappella to a crowded room. Luckily a careful choice of sketches meant it went down really well, and hopefully will put a few more
bums on seats. I stayed out drinking the free booze and managed to impress myself by opening 3 beer bottles with my teeth. This is something I have
never done before, and thanks to fellow blog meister John Robins, will never do again (he scratched his teeth doing it apparently). However I did feel hella
cool for all of 30 seconds and have added it to the list of not particularly useful things I can do, along with nearly fitting my whole fist in my mouth and turn
my tongue upside down.

No extra gigs today which has been a blessing, and so instead it has been a nice curry and stapling lots. Oh the joy of stapling. I've really missed how much
joy you can get out of stapling thousands of bits of paper to other bits of paper. How much joy is that exactly? None, absolutely none. Its the single most
tedious activity ever. What I do for this show I tells ya.

Lastly, a small apology to BCDBitch who posted a comment on a post the other day. It was wrong of me to include the name of show in the blog, and I
have now removed it. I hold no qualms with your show, but the event happened at the right moment to make me laugh shiteloads. I hope it all
goes well and stuff, just watch those fangs on the rubber.

Wow, fringe shows and Bloom fans all hating at once. I feel like somehow its illegal for people to have their own opinions on their own blogs anymore.
Its all so 1984. Just without the Thought Police, and Goldberg and generally any of the story-line or politics. All I'm saying is soylent green is people.

I'm off to wring out my trousers and my face.

PS Before I forget like I did yesterday - Hayden Panitierre's armpit.

We got a four star review today from the National Student magazine which has truly made everything better. I was feeling a bit fed up and
knackered from it all this morning and our show wasn't the best. This was largely my fault as I had a diabetic mental moment with low sugars
and couldn't mentally respond to other peoples lines. Luckily one of our sketches uses tiny sugary snacks, so when the opportunity arose I wolfed
a load of them down and didn't have a massive coma. Yey!

Gotta go work on my stand-up for tonight in a mo, so here's just a couple of other small points for ya'll:

Storytelling gigs are fun, even if there are only two people in the crowd.

My comment on Orlando Bloom the other day has caused further outrage in his fan base. Read the further comments on my blog from two days
ago. My favorite is David who has a four year old's spelling talent.

Our oven is shit.

Yep, KevF you did indeed spell my name wrong. :-) I look forward to all your blog videos when I finally get my laptop back, if I ever do.

I will post up the review when I get a chance. Onwards to stand-up and sketches tonight at Spank!

That's all for now. I'll post the review when I can.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the fringe spirit that I forget that Saturday nights are the same in any town, despite festival activity. Last
nights stand-up gig was to a small room of a hen do, stag do and birthday party who proceeded to heckle me and each other throughout my
allocated time. Why they had paid to watch a show on the fringe I don't know, but what is evident is that they wasted the money of the 15 odd people
who were there to see me and Sean.

Its something that I still cant understand as an act, how people choose to watch comedy when they clearly should be out fighting each other in a gutter
instead. It took 15 minutes of dealing with heckles before I could attempt to do material. The material got either silence or heckled and any good retorts
from me (and yes I did a few) were ignored as they were too busy being drunken arseholes. Sadly for Sean I had to leave after my set to head to a
much nicer gig, leaving him to fend for himself.

Maybe its just because its the weekend, but the festival seems full steam ahead today. There are a lot more people about and there is a vibe about the
place that has been missing from Thursday to now. All the other gigs have gone splendidly. Tea and Cake today truly kicked ass, with a fullish crowd who
liked all but one sketch. This sketch is now being amended in time for tomorrow. Its amazing how a show can continue to grow as the festival develops.
Its something that critics often don't realise, but no matter what you do at previews, fringe crowds like and dislike different things and there is no way
to tell exactly what will work in the space we're in until we are well and truly in it. Our show has changed loads since day one. We are now 7 minutes less,
minus one turtle, and 3 sketches have changed. By the end of the festival it will truly be the best it can be, although by then its a little too late. Edinburgh is
one big stable door, with critics comments and careers, very much being the bolted horse.

I've had several lovely stand-up gigs too, and have officially met someone who spotted me by face alone and told me they were a fan of my stand-up.
My ego has swelled accordingly and I am now officially a minus Z-list celeb. Speaking of celebs, yesterdays blog has had over 200 readers more than
my usual ones because of my comments on Mr Bloom. I have also received some slander because of this from his precious fans. I have posted these
because they are damn funny. I hope you enjoy them as much I as have.

Realising this popularity I will now put at least one celebrity's name and a body part on each of my posts to see if this boosts number. Today's celeb:

Paris Hilton's tits (This is sure to be a winner. I laugh in the face of disappointed men at their internets right now. Mwahahahaha!)

I didn't drink any booze today. I feel proud but also strangely like everyone is having fun without me. This I fear is the beginning of alcoholism.

Orlando Bloom was hanging around in the Underbelly courtyard today flyering for his sister's show. The amazing irony that perhaps the worst performer
in popular entertainment was receiving more attention than any of the shows that were happening was almost too much to bear. After constant discussions
in our flat about how Elizabethtown is the worst film ever, it took all our strength to not shout abuse at him and his wooden face. Good on him though for
flyering despite his ridiculously over-rated Hollywood status.

So once again, the blog stopped being daily for a while. The last few days have been akin to a roller-coaster, if roller-coasters were really expensive
and less fun. On the first day of the fringe I had somehow got suckered into doing five shows. Yes, five. I immediately understand that that makes me
an idiot. What I should have been doing is focusing on the two shows that were most important. Strangely though it felt the right thing to do, and
by having to run from show to show, I didn't have enough time to panic about any of them, and instead enjoyed each one for what it was. They all went
well, or at least I thought, and I congratulated myself of nothing screwing up on day one, by drinking myself into a steady stupor at the List Launch
Party. This was by far the most stupid mistake of the day.

I seem to have no willpower in Edinburgh when it comes to going out, and much of last year's fest descended into me not really ever sleeping and
rapidly making my liver hate me. Its something about the atmosphere that makes it difficult to turn down booze when everyone else is out and enjoying it.
Last night it happened again, despite giving myself a deadline by which I had to be back at home. This was ruined by the constant appearance of
various different comics and people I know until at 3.00am when I finally escaped the library bar, I walked straight into Carey Marx, Nick Doody and Kirsty
who all persuaded me to drink with them at the Udderbelly, resulting in today being far more difficult than it should have been. I think I have managed
to reach an all time record of getting a sore throat within just two days of the fest. I hope if.commedie recognise this as a worthy new award to hand-out.

I had reason to go out and drink last night as yesterday we received our first review of our sketch show on Chortle and it was pretty damning. So far
the audiences have liked it, but wow the reviewer hated every second. Its a shame to have that as your first review of the fest, and it took some
moping about to regain our confidence in time for today's show. We also overran yesterday discovering that (partly my fault for mis-reading) although
we originally agreed a 55 min show time slot, we were only contracted for 50. So 7 mins cut from the show, and a bad review, it wasn't a good way to start.

Today has been better. Doing two shows a day is really tiring, but I am enjoying the break from sketch that the stand-up show gives me. Today, like yesterday
, there is an extra show to do as well, and then I have at least three shows everyday till Wednesday. I'd better buy some strepsils.....

Last note. Two of my favourite fringe moments ever happened today:

1) The man overacting as a hunchback on the Royal Mile for one of the many nuts productions being made to look like a massive prick as Matt Forde
and James Sherwood took it in turns to openly mock him and his production. it was harsh, but by god it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Sometimes
these thesps need to be told just how ridiculous they look and sound.

2) Friend and writer/director of Because It's There at the Underbelly, Adam Brace, explaining to me on the Royal Mile how the fringe was full of people
with no dignity. As he was in the middle of the phrase 'Leave your dignity at the door', he was interrupted by a half naked pigeon chested man
singing opera while his friend used the bin as a drum. Magic.